April Showers: Will Smith's Morning Routine

waterworks each weeknight at 11 pm

Be like Will Smith this week by practicing this I Robot morning routine: 8 easy steps.

1. Experience recurring dream in which you are rescued from drowning by a robot. This will be hard to do unless you're lucid dreaming, but if you're lucid dreaming take it there. Aren't lucid dreams trippy?

2. Wake up at 7:30 AM

3. Sit up in bed and massage your injuries. Will sometimes does this flesh rubbing with a loaded weapon but I would use something normal like your hand. Safer.

4. Play "Superstitious" by Stevie Wonder on your iTunes or last.fm as you...

5. Eat cold pie for breakfast*

three more steps after the jump

Click to read more ...

10 Word Reviews (A.K.A. Nathaniel Catches Up)

As per usual, though I maintain a healthy writing clip to fill The Film Experience with new material for vous, I have some sort of mental block about traditional film reviews. So let's just get everything unreviewed that's in theaters (or in one case, HBO) out of the way right this very instant. I got places to be! We haven't talked about most of these so why not?

Deneuve, Viard and Rennier: comic successes in POTICHE

POTICHE
in which a trophy wife exceeds expectations and reforms her husband's business.
10WR: Knowing hilarious riffs on: Deneuve, 70s, sexism; But souffle deflates.  B/B+

RANGO
in which an abandoned pet lizard becomes a hero in a thirsty desert town
10WR: Surreal weirdness grounded by Western tropes. So ugly it's beautiful. B+

MILDRED PIERCE
in which Todd Haynes adapts the famous novel for an HBO miniseries in five parts
10WR: Glacial pacing but slow build payoffs. Beautifully costumed, lensed. B/B-
EPILOGUE: I'll just come right out and say it. This was not the "event" I was hoping for, neither in performance or in direction. But I did like it. Needless to say, I'll stick to the Joan Crawford gladly, despite them being two very different things.

SOURCE CODE
in which Jake Gyllenhaal keeps reexperiencing the same 8 minutes to solve a bombing
10WR: Perfectly servicable but stumbles exiting train; Needs more existential terror.  C+

MEET MONICA VELOUR
in which a washed up porn star (Kim Cattral) is pursued by a nerdy teenage fan
10WR: Cattral: effortful limited success; Movie: suffers badly from hermetic POV. C-

Finally, I do hope some of you will take in POTICHE if it plays in your town. It's quite funny and one should always support good non-English language films while they're still in theaters so that they keep releasing them; their market share is sadly ever dwindling. Potiche has done well abroad ($21 million) but is struggling in US theaters ($280,000). The cast is just delightful. I almost always like Jérémie Rénier (In Bruges) and the running gag about his lovelife has maybe the best punchline in the movie. It also amuses me that his name is so much like Jeremy Renner's and that they almost share a birthday (January 6th and 7th respectively though Rénier is ten years younger). It goes without saying that Deneuve fills my heart with joy as she always has (she's in my top ten actresses of all time list). Any Karen Viard fans out there? I'd love some recommendations as to other films as she's quite funny but I haven't seen her in many things.

First and Last, Airport

the first and last images or sounds from motion pictures.

first line [kind of hard to make out so might be slightly off]

Los Angeles Tower, this is Transworld Two to Miami. We are going down.

and the last image

Can you guess the movie?

Box Office Zoology: The Bunny Still Reigns

Bunnies continued to be the favored animal at the weekend box office as Hop overperformed again. The cuddly bears of Arthur and the gaping wolf maw of Hanna split ticket buyers enough that Soul Surfer's shark was able to bite off not just a pretty girl's arm but a surprising chunk of the weekend box office. It was...wait for it... a zoo out there. hahahahhhaa unghhh. I'm here all week. Re: Soul Surfer, I understand that inspirational sports movies are a familiar comfort-food movie genre and I can live with that. But please don't let this mean Helen Hunt is back in the game. I beg you universe, I beg you!

Bears, and Wolves and Sharks. Oh my

The Box Office (Actuals)

01 HOP $21.2 (cumulative $67.7)
02 HANNA new $12.3
03 ARTHUR new $12.2  [my review]
04 SOUL SURFER new $10.6
05 INSIDIOUS $9.3 (cumulative $26.7)
06 YOUR HIGHNESS new $9.3
07 SOURCE CODE $8.6 (cumulative $28.2)
08 LIMITLESS $5.4 (cumulative $64.1)
09 DIARY OF A WIMPY KID $4.7 (cumulative $45.3)
10 THE LINCOLN LAWYER $4.2 (cumulative $46.1)

What does all this mean? That's for you to decide. When I try to understand the nation's moviegoers my eyes often bleed and blood attracts carnivorous animals. Why are people so eager to see an animated bunny rock star with the voice of Russell Brand? Why am I so obsessed with hating that (unseen) movie?

What did you see over the weekend, in theater or at home? (I keep a screening log over in the "reviews" section if you're curious about me.)

Yes, No, Maybe So: "Melancholia"

yes no maybe so ~ in which we determine how we feel about new movies based on their trailers.

Lars von Trier. Those three syllables used to excite me beyond any others in moviedom. I'm not sure where I lost the thread but ever since the brilliant Golden Heart trilogy (Breaking the Waves, The Idiots, Dancer in the Dark), it's been like the air slowly (very slowly) going out though I still find a lot to enjoy, respect and respond to in the films. So how about the wedding set MELANCHOLIA, von Trier's spin on the Apocalyptic Drama.

Yes. First things first, I have been a major believer in Kirsten Dunst as an actress and have been ever since The Virgin Suicides. I think that if she stays focused on her craft andgets the opportunities, two big "ifs", she will continue to surprise and evolve. I'm also delighted that von Trier cast Stellan Skarsgård and Alexander Skarsgård as father and son because that's always a treat in movies when people fictionalize their own realities.

All that and then then Charlottes? I'm in. Von Trier always gives his cast a lot of thematic and character meat to chew on... and then he makes them gag on it.

Is everyone in your family stark raving mad?

No. I don't get what Keifer Sutherland is doing here exactly and sometimes I suspect that Lars von Trier casts in a similar way to Woody Allen where he only vaguely pays attention to Hollywood and then is like "they're popular right now, right? Let's use them" and sometimes there is a lag in awareness or what not. And I do worry a bit about trying to do a Celebration style family drama AND an apocalyptic drama. Too ambitious?

Maybe So. Then again... this collision of genres might be completely fascinating. Von Trier's gift with indelible images -- and they're totally spoiling us with how many there are in this one trailer -- combined with how far he pushes his actors could make this truly special. And not to get all philosophical as we wrap up but should the apocalypse we always fear come, wouldn't it arrive and be experienced in a terrifyingly intimate way with friends and family and our neurotic interior monologues rather than with CGI explosions, a motley cast of strangers and Hollywood bombast?

This is actually the one thing i really loved about M Night Shyamalan's Signs (2002) though I didn't otherwise care for that movie and I never ever ever ever ever thought I'd cover M Night with Lars von, and I feel perverse doing so now. But watching that movie -- at least for the first hour, I thought 'this is how you'd experience something that was affecting the whole world.' It'd be how it hit you at home and what you saw on the news and what you attempted to piece together and how it affected you and your loved ones.

I am resounding "Yes" all told but I'm trying to keep my expectations down in lieu of Antichrist which I was too excited for, heard too much about before seeing it and was only thrilled by it visually.

Melancholia from Zentropa on Vimeo.

So what about you: YES, NO, or MAYBE SO?
Did Antichrist's wicked idea of a horror movie leave you ready for more or do are you hoping this is more in the harrowing Breaking the Waves human vein?