Yes, No, Maybe So: "Looper"

The subject is time travel. It only seemed thematically appropriate to post this highly anticipated trailer for LOOPER a week before it premiered but pretend we posted it a week late. 

This time travel crap will fry your brain like an egg"

See, the following conversation actually took place in the past with your comments arriving now from god knows when; surprise us by dating your reaction in the comments. For all we know you're writing from Los Angeles the morning after Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Oscar win as Bruce Willis in the stuffy cradle-to-tomb biopic Bruce Dies Hardest (2031). You know AMPAS will still love those Star-As-Star biopics deep into the 21st century. Ohmygod. His inflection on "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker" alone was chilling. He BECAME Bruce Willis.

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker

When were we? It's time to break down the trailer after the jump with our patented Yes No Maybe So system. It's time to break down the trailer after the jump with our patented Yes No Maybe So system. It's time to break down the trailer after the jump with our patented Yes No Maybe So system. It's time to break down the trailer after the jump with our patented Yes No Maybe So system. It's time to break down the trailer after the jump with our patented Yes No Maybe So system.

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Cinema de Gym: 'Bandits'

Kurt here from Your Movie Buddy. In my attempt to tone up and shed a few (as I feared, the life of a writer can be waistline-hazardous), I've found new inspiration. The gym I attend has a theater in the back where, instead of watching The View with headphones, you can do your cardio in the dark with a daily film that plays on a loop. It's surely not the place to go if you're looking to catch up on your Bergman or Powell & Pressburger, but, by god, at least it's something. Even with a trainer who kicks my ass and drafts a new routine each month, I'll take all the incentives I can get.

On that note, I've opted to use this extra motivator as a writing opportunity – a chance to chime in on the gym's staff picks and voice the opinions that brew while I'm huffing it on the elliptical. Fitness and film writing – it's my kind of win-win.

For the inaugural "Cinema de Gym" post, we have Barry Levinson's Bandits, a 2001 love-triangle crime comedy I'd never seen. In this setting, catching things for the first time is fun in that I'm forced to draw as much as I can from a 20-30 minute snippet (okay, sometimes it's 15). Besides, I dare say a lot of these flicks are not of the must-see-it-from-end-to-end sort. With Bandits, I entered during a barroom scene where a red-headed Cate Blanchett is consoling the bar's only other patron, a characteristically un-dashing Billy Bob Thornton, who's suffering from some fatiguing ailment. Rather than whiskey, Cate wants to get some warm milk for this milquetoast, who, it turns out, is lactose intolerant.

Bandits: Bruce, Billy Bob and Blanchett

Enter Bruce Willis, all smirks and hubris, who breaks up the excessive appropriateness of Grover Washington Jr.'s "Just the Two of Us" playing on the soundtrack (err, in the bar). From the interactions (and, hell, from the casting), it's clear Bruce is the leader of the Bruce-Billy Bob criminal duo, and that Cate is the third wheel whose affections they're fighting over. Cate and Billy Bob hit the dance floor, a brotherly brawl ensues, and Bruce and Billy Bob crash through a glass window onto the ground outside. "I can't do this anymore," a desperate Cate says, peering down at them. "Together, you're the perfect man."

Well, to each her own, Ms. Blanchett. 

Garity squares off with JonesCut to: January Jones? The soon-to-be X-villain plays some type of accomplice to our lead quarrelers, along with Troy Garity, Soldier's Girl star and son of Jane Fonda. The crew is gearing up for their One Last Job, which, naturally, still attracts Cate for some reluctant involvement.

Where the film goes from here is, well, to its end, and I'll spare you the spoilers even though I don't recommend. Let's just say there's a haphazard bank heist, but Dog Day Afternoon this is not.

Conclusions?

1. Seeing early Blanchett is fun.
2. Billy Bob really needs to get back to work.
3. Bruce Willis has never tired of playing Bruce Willis (shocker).
4. Barry Levinson is a hugely recognizable name, but hardly one that guarantees quality.
5. You've seen Bandits before, even if, you know, you haven't seen it before.

Have you seen it before?

April Showers: The Fifth Element

waterworks each weeknight at 11 as we turn on the cinematic shower.

True Story: The house my family lived in from the time I was nine years old until high school graduation had an unusual bathroom. I didn't think it was so terribly unusual because I lived with it but whenever friends would come to visit for the first time they would always demand to see the bathroom. They'd heard, you see. The storied feature in question was a sunken shower. You had to step down into it, as if it were an in-ground swimming pool and it was larger than your traditional shower or bathtub. But there were no rounded smooth edges, just tiles. So it wasn't, unfortunately, a comfortable bathtub unless you find sharp flat corners restive for reclining against, in which case… are you an invertebrate?

 I suddenly flashed to my parent's old house while watching The Fifth Element recently.  In the scene in question, law enforcement of one sort or another (it's hard to keep track in Luc Besson's frenzy-filled futurism) has entered Bruce Willis's building and good ol' Bruce realizes he needs to hide his strange guest, supreme being Leeloo (Milla Jovovich).

Where else? The shower, that most private of places... except maybe in the movies.

read the rest after the jump. (safe for work.)

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