Yes, No, Maybe So: Nymphomaniac

I have been remiss in my Von Trier worshipping duties. He was once basically vying for Nathaniel's Favorite Working Director since I loved everything he made from 1996 through 2004. But in roughly those same years Almodóvar was peaking and Lars lost the Battle of the Auteurs. In the past nine years I have gone off Lars a little though Melancholia (2011) came thisclose to reginiting the passion. If it had only been tighter! I've tried to rewatch it a few times because I think it's a near masterpiece but the padding and wandering repetitions really undermine its potency and actively make me angry since it could have been one for the all time lists!

Which brings us to Nymphomaniac which is NOT keeping it tight as if to spite me. It's the story of a very loose woman, played by glutton for punishment Charlotte Gainsbourg (3 films with LVT now), and it's reportedly 5 hours long. (One wonders what it is that editors actually do on an LvT picture beyond lining up the scenes and calling it a day.)

So let's do a Yes No Maybe So on the very very very NSFW trailer so don't click on the "click to read more" link if nudity offends you since there will be screen captures... Okay, prudes and whores, let's do this!

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Reason No. #2,309 Why Jessica Chastain is Perfect

Even when harassed by annoying paparazzi, she is friendly and playful. That über-positive Facebook page is no act.

Jessica Chastain -- I'M DOWN TO POSE NUDE ... But Not For Playboy - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe

Awkward!

By now you've already gawked at Zac Efron's naked body serving up a horizontal pee gag. The image has been shared relentlessly since the trailer of That Awkward Moment premiered a few days ago.

<-- Truth in Screencapping!  

I wasn't going to say anything in the interest of timeliness but it turns out the power of ___ compels me.  But it's not about Zac Efron.  That awkward NSFW moment plus a reader poll (I apologize in advance!) is  after the jump.

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Naked Alexander Skarsgård Reading Books By People I Know

I couldn't make out the book Eric Northman was reading on the season finale of True Blood so I just decided it was a book by someone I know. I couldn't resist the GIFing...

Congratulations to all my published author friends and frienquaintances! Not all of them are just-published but lately it seems like there's been a wave of such happenings and I am so happy and proud for them. Writing a book is no easy task. It's like scaling a Swedish mountain in the snow. Naked. 

Speaking of --  back to Alexander Skarsgård. It's nice for him to finally bring his penis to work with him but that final "cliffhanger" was DUMB in all caps. Everyone knows they're not going to kill off Eric. The showrunners have already said they didn't because they're terrified of change and constantly fandering. I'd say that that's the whole problem with True Blood except that implying it only has one is even dumber. 

First Jay-Z... Now Lady Gaga?

...Marina Abramović really wants to be a household name.

After her hugely popular The Artist is Present work a few years back she's just collecting the celebrity proteges. Jay-Z just paid homage and now Lady Gaga is studying The Abramović Method to prepare her for "durational work".

This video is NSFW. Lady Godiva Gaga... sans horse. 

The Abramovic Method Practiced by Lady Gaga from Marina Abramovic Institute on Vimeo.

(Gaga is apparently determined to relive Madonna's career at higher speeds. She's basically already been through the 1983-1990 catalogue of light dance pop followed by more ambitious records, constantly shifting wardrobe, and complete global domination. Perhaps with Artpop we'll be entering her own deeply polarizing naked phase. She seems to have skipped over the "trying to be an actress" phase...)