Ranking this year's Oscar speeches

by Cláudio Alves

As we finish our Oscar celebrations and mourn the end of another Awards Season, let's explore this year's Academy Award speeches. Unlike past ceremonies, this one was poor in truly disastrous acceptance speeches. Perhaps people saw the mess of last year's Best Makeup winners and decided they would be prepared to step on stage and receive their little golden men with dignity and generosity towards the teams that got them to that dazzling podium. Whatever the reason, this was a good year for Oscar speeches and we honor them, from the most unmemorable to the god-tier achievements in public speaking.

We begin with the least impressive efforts of the night…

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Beauty vs Beast: The Bigger Boys

Jason from MNPP here, ready to pop some peach champagne for the release of Luca Guadagnino's Call Me By Your Name, which finally hits theaters in New York and LA on Friday. The thing is, although I personally have already seen the film six times (if you've been to MNPP at any point in the past three months you're more than aware of my obsession but if you missed my first take on the movie out of NYFF it's one of the most meaningful pieces of writing I've ever done, says me), it seems that some of you have not seen the film six times yet. Since it's not in theaters yet, and all. So I probably can't devote this week's "Beauty vs Beast" to it then!

So we'll do the next best and look back at Luca's last movie, A Bigger Splash. When ABS came out we polled you about the film it's based on, La Piscine, but I figure enough of you have seen Luca's version by now. I'm pretty certain where you guys will fall when forced into Tilda Swinton's glamourous shoes to choose between the two men in her life, solid wall of Paul (Matthias Schoenaerts) and bearded blast of noise Harry (Ralph Fiennes), but I'm asking anyway...

PREVIOUSLY Oscar season is here but we devoted one last moment of silliness to Superhero Season by tackling Thor: Ragnarok's two actresses last week - Tessa Thomspon put up a valiant fight but... well, she was going against Cate Blanchett. Cate took 58% of your vote as bigger-than-Asgard-itself Hela; said chasm301:

"Do you really think that Cate Blanchett would lose a competition on this website? Her most gif-able performance outside of Carol (2015)"

Beauty vs Beast: Hear Her Roar Ragnarok

Jason from MNPP, championing the second weekend of big-time Thor receipts with some "Beauty vs Beast"  love for its ladies - among all the intergalactic biological diversity that Ragnarok director Taika Waititi brought to the Marvel franchise it shouldn't be discounted the prime roles he gave to several actresses, including the villain Hela (some Australian actress, never heard of her) and the drunk Asgardian runaway Valkyrie (Tessa Thomspon).

As with all the best villains Hela's got a solid claim to righteousness as the throne is hers and her father's a hypocrite... although I do wish Taika had gotten her more mixed into the bulk of the action. And Valkyrie is a fascinating, damaged, complicated character, imperfect in ways Female Heroes don't usually get to be. And even better the two of them have their own antagonistic history so I can easily ask you to choose sides...

PREVIOUSLY From Gods to Angels, last week we tackled the Mormon marriage at the heart of Tony Kushner's play turned HBO movie, and even though Patrick Wilson (and his butt) made a good showing it was Mary Louise Parker's Harper who stole 65% of your hearts. Said row-bin:

"The one thing above all others that I remember from watching this when it first aired was Mary Louise Parker screaming, "MR LIES? MR LIES!" with this gut wrenching need to escape. I still get goosebumps when I think about it. Team Harper, if nothing for that searing memory."

Would you rather?

Time for another edition of our fantasy life instagram game (with a few tweets we couldn't pass up thrown in). The circles we all travel in (virtually) these days! So, would you rather:

... proofread Agnes Varda's Honorary Oscar speech while she naps?
... design lingerie with Megan Fox?
... contemplate the newly chilly weather with Jharrel Jerome from Moonlight?
... look at baby photos with Bollywood superstar Hrithik Roshan?
... hang out with Rebel Wilson & Anne Hathaway on the set of Nasty Women?
... model perfect jackets with Taika Waititi?
... indulge in a plushy moment with Jesse Bradford?
... hike and rock-hunt with Goldie Hawn?
... get your hair did with Jennifer Ehle?
... do some Mission Impossible stunts with Henry Cavill in glorious Norway?
... sing with Chris Evans' dog?
... or walk an impromptu runway with DJ Lina Bradford and the legendary Candis Cayne?

You own everything!

Pictures are after the jump to help you decide.

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News Bits & Bobs: Steve & Natasha, Jenn & Donald, Taika & Mjölnir

• Asking the important question: Is Captain America a virgin still? [Pajiba]
• Damnit. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences have delayed the opening of their new museum. I'm so excited about this but we're talking 2018 now [Variety]
• Queen of Dystopia Jennifer Lawrence (who should thus know) has declared that if Donald Trump becomes President it will be "the end of the world". This may have been the most intelligent thing the verbally uninhibited actress has ever said [AV Club]
•  71's awesome debut director Yann Demange will director a true crime story about a teenage undercover informant - they're looking for a quick start in 2016. Yay! [Deadline] 

• John Waters might finally make another movie. But he won't talk about it yet! [Speakeasy]
• Black Widow is getting a new comic book in 2016. Why can't the movies understand that she deserves her own? [Comics Alliance]
• Harry Potter's voice actor in Brazil (Caio César Ignácio Cardoso de Melo), who also works as a cop, has been killed. Tragic. [The Guardian]
• 10 reveals from Joss Whedon's Avengers: Age of Ultron commentary including why he put them in marble in the end credits (I personally ♥ed that) [Coming Soon]
• What the hell is going on with Xander (Nicholas Brendan) from Buffy? Violence and arrests right after rehab? So sad. Hope he pulls out of this tailspin. [Variety]
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt will likely headline a new thriller In Sight from screenwriter Katie Lovejoy after a bidding war [Tracking Board]
• Handsome* New Zealander hired to lift Mjölnir. Taika Waititi of What We Do in the Shadows fame will direct Thor: Ragnarok [The Wrap]
• An interesting review of Janet Jackson's new album via Rich Juzwiak. I wish the talented Juzwiak didn't have to diss Madonna to complement her but dissing that icon is as natural to humans as breathing. (sigh) [Defamer] 
• Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Tatiana Maslany, Olivia Cooke, and Gina Rodriguez are all in the mix for the two key female roles in Star Wars Episode VIII. That's a formidable shortlist of strong popular diverse and young actresses. Let's hope the two roles are good and not just window dressing. John Boyega will chemistry test with them. [/Film]

*What? I met him one time at a festival for his second directorial feature Boy and to my surprise was struck semi-incoherent. I am only human.