Top Ten X-Movie Moments

To conclude this mutant week we've been up to, let's name the best moments from Marvel's evolutionary franchise. We still maintain that X-Men's complex mythology and soap opera relationships would be a far more natural fit for the television medium, but the movies will do for now...

TEN GREATEST X-MOVIE MOMENTS

Oh Angel, we hardly knew ye

Honorable Mention: There is that momentarily thrilling one moment in X-Men Last Stand (2006) when Angel (Ben Foster) took flight, but the rest of that film took such a dump on grand source material that it's best forgotten. This proposed memory wipe is even more welcome now that X-Men First Class has taken a decent stab at the source material again. The most obvious problem with Last Stand was its greedy carelessness, attempting to reference everything that had ever existed, thus offering up half-ass takes on dozens upon dozens of characters and sidelining the most mythic of all X-Men narratives, the Dark Phoenix saga; whoever's bright idea that last bit was should probably never work in the storytelling medium again.

If future filmmakers are looking for ways to throw fanboys delicious geek bones to chew on, there's no better way to do it than that scene in X2 (2003) when Mystique breaks into Stryker's computer.

Director Bryan Singer's fine compositions and clever throwaway bits (Mystique shapeshifting behind glass) kept the scene crackling but those cutaways to Stryker's computer were nerdgasms waiting to happen. That's all you need to do, filmmakers, offer up itty bitty "easter eggs" if you will. There's no need to overstuff your movie and undersell great stories and characters in the process.

The Top Ten

10. Entering The Hellfire Club (X-Men First Class)
It's a small thing, but there's a welcome naughty jolt when Moira McTaggart impulsively strips down to her undergarments to tail Emma Frost and her girls into the Hellfire Club. What unfolds there blows Moira's mind. There's plentiful unfortunate evidence to suggest that not one of the four X-directors have remotely understood the complexities of the female mutants, treating them primarily as victims or sex objects (shame). But it's also silly to presume that Sex Object isn't a mandatory job requirement for all heroes and villains who linger in the public imagination, with those hyper masculine/feminine bodies in skin-tight costumes. Emma Frost just dispenses with the pretense of a costume and super-villains it in her lingerie. Damn girl!

09. Magneto and the Nazis (X-Men First Class)
Judging only a movie-making basis, this would rank higher but though it's quite a thrilling and well acted revenge scene, it's also an odd fit for a superhero movie; you could lift it (nearly) wholesale into a non-superpowered movie, couldn't you?

08. Deathstryke vs. Wolverine (X2)

Holy shit.

Wolverine's reaction to Deathstryke's unleashed claws is not the most eloquent line in the superhero genre but it's the most succinctly accurate, wouldn't you agree? What follows is the perfect example of how to handle action sequences with virtually indestructable heroes like Wolverine: make it hurt.

07. Nightcrawler attacks the President (X2)
The famously demonic looking hero proves that looks can be deceiving. So his introduction into cinema takes just that tack, painting him as a super villain, when in reality he's one of the goodest of good guys. He's just been controlled by Stryker's neck acid is all (what?).

Here was an example of a creative team rising to meet a challenging visual spectacle. How do you convey those multiple blows from a blink and you'll miss him teleporter while also showing his acrobatic agility and his memorable tail? They found quite a solution to their problems in this terrific and strangely terrifying sequence. It's one of the only moments in the franchise where you're definitely on the "human" side, totally understanding why mutants are feared and hated. How do you survive against ...that?

06. Wolverine meets the X-Men (X-Men)
A cleverly shot sequence, peaking with the moment when Wolverine is reflected in all the X-Men suits . He's like an animal lost in excessively sterile human tunnels. But curse the housekeeper for putting those X-Sweatshirts right in plain view for Logan to clothe himself with. Eye candy snatched away from us halfway through the scene!

05. Mean Girls (X2)
The most delicious thread of the first two films is that bitchy chemistry between Mystique and Magneto. It helps that few actors can deliver a line with as much melodic wit and superiority as Sir Ian McKellen.

We love what you've done with your hair.

Even better than this juvenile humiliation of Rogue is their instant adoption of Pyro by way of 'it takes one to know one' evil kindred spirit. "They say you're the bad guy." Pyro ventures, not disinterested in the bad.

Is that what they say?

Sir Ian McKellen is bliss.

04. "Find them. All of them" (X2)
This creepy-ass climax finds Stryker's son infecting Xavier's mind while posing as a little girl. (It's a sinister flip on Professor X's jokey threat to Wolverine earlier in the picture... "I'll have Jean braid your hair"). The plan is diabolical, weird and the scene is well staged as it escalates. Love the shifting focus and that sinister penetrating stare, too alive for such a zombiefied mutant.

03. Between Serenity and Rage (X-Men First Class)
The new film could've used more quiet thrills like this one, when Xavier gently touches Magneto's mind and his most humane instincts. Move that satellite dish. Of course you can't pull a scene like this off without magnetic (haha) actors. The new film may be uneven but Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy are miracle workers, indicating this franchise can stay magical post Bryan Singer & Ian McKellen.

02. Mystique vs. Wolverine (X-Men)
A rare beast: a silent fight scene that feels like a verbal showdown or a straight up musical number, it's so attuned to the moods of the performers and their physical beats, what with Wolverine's relentless unnerved slashing and Mystique's theatricality and arrythmic movements. It's wonderfully weird and compelling.

01. Xavier's School Breached / Berserker Rage (X2: X-Men United)
More lip service is paid to Wolverine's temper than is ever successfully shown in the films, but Bryan Singer nailed it this one time, finally providing visual evidence of the famous adage.

He's the best there is at what he does but what he does isn't very nice.

Home invasions are of course the most inherently terrifying of all action sequences At home you're supposed to be safe. This sequences manages multiple characters and multiple moods (fear, chaos, curiousity, character, and even humor) with singular focus and skill.  Even better than the stabby slashing goodness of Logan's rage, is how well crafted the entire sequence is by Singer, editors John Ottman and Elliot Graham sound man Craig Berkey and cinematography Newton Thomas Sigel. One has to only remember the final grace note in the battle, Ice Man's last minute unwelcome rescue of Wolverine, to understand what so many X-directors lack that Bryan Singer had. When you're dealing with superpowered characters, you'd better have your own in the image-making department.

Report Card: X-Men (2000) B- | X2 (2003) A- (I'd name it the second best comic book movie ever) | X-Men Last Stand (2006) D | X-Men Origins Wolverine (2009) F | X-Men First Class (2011) B-/C+ Only character interpretation that's superior to the comic books: Mystique | Three best character interpretations overall: 1. Wolverine 2. Mystique 3. Magneto Three collosal failures of adaptation: 1. Storm, 2. Dark Phoenix, 3. managing the web of one-on-one relationships outside of the central Xavier/Magneto dynamic.

Related posts:
Cast This: Dazzler, Colossus, Etcetera |  First Class Review | X-Men Animated Series

MUTANT WEEK ROLL CREDITS...

Top Ten: Ewan McGregor Performances

Tuesday Thursday Top Ten

With Ewan McGregor back in theaters with Beginners and with it being Moulin Rouge! week and all, how about a list of our top Ewan performances?

I have only the dimmest recollection of A Life Less Ordinary and I just didn't want to include that awful Star Wars prequel trilogy on principle (though Ewan survived it better than most of the actors) and it's possible I forgot something else... but here we go.

10 "Jerome" in THE PILLOW BOOK (1996)
I love Ewan's ballsy (ahem) taste in material... at least at that point in his career. His screen persona often reads sweet but he's quite a wild child in terms of the cinema.

09  "The Ghost" in THE GHOST WRITER (2010)
A tricky cipher part -- who is he really? we can't know -- that he pulled off well. It helps that the movie is so damn good: top ten list!

Tilda and Ewan in "Young Adam"

08 "Joe Taylor" in YOUNG ADAM (2003)
Arriving so quickly on Moulin Rouge!'s warm heels this one was a shocker. Ewan re-embraced the amoral danger of his star-making roles in the 90s, absent the devilishly winking charisma that made his previous unsavories so palatable. Bonus points for sexing up Tilda Swinton and and expressing his love of condiments. We generally drown our burgers in them, but he prefers them on live flesh.

07  "Alex Law" in SHALLOW GRAVE (1994)
I haven't seen Danny Boyle's feature debut since the 90s but it was one sick and slick calling card with a very young long haired Ewan acing his soulless roommate act.

06 "Catcher Block" in DOWN WITH LOVE (2003)
He probably owed this flirty cocky shot at romantic comedy headlining via Moulin Rouge! but who is better suited to it. Plus, he looked so good in his suits. This is a movie I keep meaning to rewatch.

05 "Curt Wild" in VELVET GOLDMINE (1998)
We mentioned 'wild child' earlier. None of his roles embrace that concept quite as obviously. Ewan, who doesn't leash himself when acting (to our eternal gratitude), played the hell out of this unpredictable glitter-spraying, pants-dropping, drug-taking, boy-kissing, fucked-up rock star morphing from glam rock abandon to... sedated "Curt" Cobain?

NSFW

04 "Phillip Morris" in I LOVE YOU PHILLIP MORRIS (2010)
That twinkly-eyed sweetness was used to great fey affect in this uneven but funny romantic comedy about a gay romance that bloomed in prison and couldn't quite break wiggle out from behind those bars. Have any of you seen this yet? So many actors biff it when they play up "gayness" but Ewan, always so at ease on camera and free of judgements toward his characters (think about it) came across so naturally. Few actors are as good at playing romance onscreen, he nearly always makes a solid case for why the other actor/actress is gaga for him.

03  "Oliver" in BEGINNERS (2011)
A great part of the success of this whimsical melancholy exploration of a dying gay father (Christopher Plummer) and his lonely straight son (McGregor), is how sympathetically Ewan embodies the role and how much chemistry he always has with co-stars. Loneliness can be a huge self-sabotaging drag in real life -- often turning people off when the sufferer needs to connect -- but in the movies it tends to evoke empathy in audiences. You watch and you wait and you desperately want Oliver to find love and happiness and to smile broadly and often... partially because he's Ewan McGregor. Stop hiding that famous grin!

02 "Rent-boy" in TRAINSPOTTING (1996)
A performance worth diving into a toilet bowl to experience.

image via "fucking awesome ewan"

"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television to watch Ewan McGregor movies on!' (This film should have netted him his first Oscar nomination with ease. Alas... he's still waiting.)

1 "Christian" in MOULIN ROUGE! (2001)
When The Film Experience did a "Favorite Actors of the Aughts" in 2005, Ewan McGregor landed in the top 5 (yes, I hope to republish that later this year -- donate -- to look at the entire decade rather than just its first half) and here's what I had to say, paraphrased for this new context.

Ewan makes me feel. He makes me smile. Some actors we relate to as identity surrogates. We want to be them or see the story through their eyes. In the case of McGregor I find I'm always the other characters; I'm always with him. The apotheosis is the "Elephant Love Medley" scene. Like Nicole Kidman's 'Satine' I usually start out trying to resist Ewan McGregor (my critical/cynical self usually in control). As he keeps battering away at my defenses with his unique spark, humor, and openheartedness (both as character and actor), I start to cave. I resist, I complain, I explain all the reasons why not. But before long I am totally his.

It still applies. Come what may...

Top Ten: Tom Hardy's Back Side

A week ago I just couldn't get myself worked up over the first glimpse of Tom Hardy's back in The Dark Knight Rises. The new pic spread across the internets so fast you'd think his flesh was covered in Lady Gaga tattoos. I couldn't get excited because I'd seen it so many times before with better views; the back, not the shot of "Bane"! Bane once broke Batman's back so it's fitting that we'd see that side of him first. It all comes back to the spine.

So herewith an impromptu top ten random ten shots of Tom Hardy from the back.

10 THE CODE  (2008)
The Code, which often films Tom Hardy from the back as more important characters are viewed from the front while they chat is a prime example of the retroactive casting problem with rising stars. When you watch their pre-ascendance movies, it's totally distracting how little the director notes their presence... as if you should actually care more about the characters who share their scenes. As if!

Stop talking men in suits. Show us the Hardy!

09 STAR TREK: NEMESIS (2002)
One of Hardy's earliest roles was one of his highest profile parts as he puts the nemesis in Nemesis. When Shinzon (Hardy) meets the crew of the Starship, the room is dark and the camera is careful to only show him from behind (or cloaked in shadow) for minutes on end.

You're not at all what we expected you to be.

...Capt. Jean Luc Picard tells him and he doesn't even know how true that is. Turns out Shinzon is actually genetically identitical to Picard, a clone! The antagonist decides to stop playing coy. "Computer bring the lighting up four levels," he says for the dramatic reveal. The lights come up and I think you're supposed to gasp that Tom Hardy LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE Patrick Stewart.

If by exactly like you mean: also bald. Hollywood hates bald people! We all look the same to them.

08 THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
Seen up top. The reason it's not higher is I actually prefer my Hardy with less steroid bulk. Where are the architectural details of a screen body when it's shaped like a brick wall? Give me "Handsome Bob" rather than "Bronson" is what I'm saying... even if Bronson is definitely the... uh... fullest... way to really enjoy your Tom, heartily. To date.

More on Bronson in a bit. Warning: nudity after the jump...

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Top Ten Triple: Time Tables 'Tween Movies

Generally speaking a human infant can be produced in nine months. Baby elephants take two years. But when it comes to directors birthing their next celluloid or digitial babies, the time tables from conception to birth remain a calendrical mystery. Outside of Woody Allen, who brings an infant film into the world each and every year and Clint Eastwood, who often has twins, there's just no telling!

It's so hard to please movie buffs

We're thinking about this because Darren Aronofsky is lining up his post Black Swan project and Serious Film was just rejoicing over the news that P.T. Anderson is back to work. His thinly veiled Scientology film, formerly titled "The Master" has a June start date. Michael is like Goldilocks on the topic of time between pictures and we are too -- it's hard to satisfy us! -- but the Robert Altman / Martin Scorsese time table, a film every two or so years, is deemed "just right".

Michael writes:

Sure that makes them more vulnerable to the occasional dud, but it also opens them up to all the interesting follies and surprise discoveries that wind up being as treasured as their major masterpieces. Marty would never had produced anything as odd and discomfiting as King of Comedy if he has been moving at the glacial pace of a Terrence Malick, and the cinematic landscape would have been poorer for it.'

Can he get an amen?

We're limiting the following lists to living filmmakers / post-studio time frame because everyone was more regular when films ruled the world (prior to tv) and were assembled with greater efficiency. So for today's lists, let's look at the slowpokes, inbetweeners and quickies. These are not exact lists -- imagine trying to research every director in the world and we've also extracted shorts, tv films and documentaries -- but lists of commonly discussed feature filmmakers and a few of our favorites thrown in for good measure. 

DISCLAIMER: We're fully aware that financial backing is a factor in speed but have to ignore it for the purposes of this article. Also, we're aware that release dates don't always reflect timetables but you try looking up start of filming dates versus release date disparity on thousands of movies.

also: eating, sleeping, thinking, applying sunscreen.

SLOWPOKES
Listed from the very slowest to quickest among the slow. One is forced to imagine that the following filmmakers actually hibernate inbetween films. Only intense hunger pains ever reawaken them. This list is dedicated to Spike Jonze (who has only made 3 features since he started movies and they're all brilliant. But three is no kind of legacy: Commit!) and to Jonathan Glazer who we can only assume is having problems with financing. He's only made 2 films, both of them wonderful, in the past 10 years. His next feature is supposedly Under the Skin (2014) which would arrive a full decade after Birth, one of the most brilliant films of the Aughts.

1. Terrence Malick
   Quickest: 5 years between Badlands and Days of Heaven.
   Slowest: 20 years between Days of Heaven and The Thin Red Line.
   Rough Breakdown: One film every seven and ½ years (5 films thus far)
2. Baz Luhrmann
   Quickest: 4 years between Strictly Ballroom and Romeo + Juliet
   Slowest: 7 years between Moulin Rouge and Australia
   Rough Breakdown: One film every four years and 9 months (4 films thus far)
3. David Lynch
   
   Bob, Dale Cooper and Lynch in the prolific Twin Peaks years.Quickest: He's managed one year gaps on occasion
   Slowest:

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Tues Top Ten: Toy Story

I'm in a toon'ful mood. What can I say? After some time with Disney's dogs, how about Pixar's toys?

2011 is the 25th anniversary of Pixar Animation Studios (they opened their doors in February 1986!) so I wanted to look back a bit at their marvelous output. I enlisted some other people from around the web to chime in too, so we'll have the results of an informal poll later on. But to start, let's look at the ten best moments from their first full length feature, TOY STORY (1995). Do these choices line up with yours?

TOP TEN MOMENTS IN TOY STORY (1995)

Hey Etch, Draw!

10. I almost went with Mr Potato Head's "Hey look I'm Picasso" bit but Woody's showdown with Etch-a-Sketch is the best visual gag during the movie's extended opening scene. It's a perfect illustration (nyuck nyuck) of Pixar multiple joke approach. It's three gags in one: visual, verbal, cinematic.

09 INSIDE BUZZ'S VISOR.
Pixar's always been adept at endearing you to their stable of characters. But one of the most confident things about Toy Story -- remarkably confident given that it was their first feature -- is that both Buzz and Woody are pitched as hero and villain at some point. Woody is selfish and bossy (especially in the first half) and they don't really soften that and your first moment "inside" Buzz's persona, a great point of view shot, is from inside his bubble where he's breathing like he's Darth Vader. It's a fun reference but it also sets up the possibility that he's the antagonist that Woody's protagonist believes him to be.

08 YOU'RE A TOY.
Buzz Lightyear seeing himself on TV. A shock to his senses (of self.)

Buzz is greater than Woody and here's why. Woody is a dog; he's desperate for Andy's love and affection 100% of the time, content to follow. Buzz is a cat; he enjoys Andy but his sense of self worth comes from his actual sense of self.

07 "MRS NESBITT"

Poor Buzz. He's never been able to roll with improv like the other toys. My other favorite part of this scene is the headless dolls "Marie Antoinette and her sister"

06 CODE RED
The opening birthday party reconaissance mission. The monkeys and the green aliens have since replaced them as this franchises' favorite multiple character gag, but The Bucket of Soldiers are so endearing in their complete lack of humor. They have some weird old school pull, don't they? The're not brightly colored or showy of personality or funny looking. The mission is everything!

05  Sid performing 'double bypass head surgery.' Buzz's indignant response is so hilariously straight-faced.

I don't believe that man has ever been to medical school.

04 "WILL ANDY PICK ME?"

Sometimes Woody's three film flipflopping between "favorite toy" confidence and disabling insecurity annoys, but this scene, is so beautifully lit (the magic hour) and it makes so much of such a tiny thing (who will Andy take to dinner at the Pizza Palace?) that it sends you right back to any childhood or adolescent (or vulnerable adult) moment where some minor thing was THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED, LIFE OR DEATH. But it's really the use of the Magic 8 Ball that sends the scene to movie perfection. "Don't Count On It."

Goddamn it that Magic 8 Ball is a bitch.

03 The repeated shot of "ANDY" written on Woody and Buzz's shoes. In permanent ink!  Aren't you jealous of every boy named Andy who can watch these movies and pretend it's literally their toys that the movie is about?

02 SID'S COMEUPPANCE

We toys see everything...

...SO PLAY NICE.

The follow up shot of him terrified of his sister's doll is the perfect capper. "Don't you wanna play with Sally?"

01 "THE CLAW"
Subsequent Toy Story's have regurgitated the joke too often, dulling its neon bright genius, but I still had to give this absurdly clever Pizza Planet flourish the top spot. Everything about the sequence works wondrously starting with Buzz Lightyear's entrance, which is the best kind of pop culture comedy. It plays off universally understood genre tropes -- in this case sci-fi -- rather than referencing one specific property and therefore dating itself.

I come in peace.

And then it soars ever higher. "The claw!!!!" Pixar's process must allow for a lot of brainstorming because you rarely feel they haven't explored every comic possibility of a scene or a character or an environment.

One of the unsurpassable joys of moviegoing (and live theater) is the communal rush you can feel when a piece of art is connecting with everyone in the room. I saw Toy Story on opening night at a huge packed theater in Utah with my brother. Had the theater been empty I'm sure we would have laughed heartily. But would the mad euphoria have set in? We were giggling so hard, we couldn't stop; the laughs were ricocheting back and forth like they were made of rubber. (It wasn't until I saw the film a second time that I remembered anything about the next couple of scenes.)  It's not only one of my single favorite moviegoing memories, it's one of my single favorite memories of my brother.

Do you remember the first time you saw Toy Story?