List-Mania: Goodbye Summer 2011

Before we move on to our new and hopefully joyous Fall Movie Season (which begins September 13th here at TFE) let's look back briefly on the season that was... the movies that opened from May to August. How do we look back? With lists of course.

Three Best Uses of 3D

• Glee: The 3D Concert Movie - Heather Morris's boobs. ("Brittany S. Pierce" has long since surpassed "Coach Sylvester" as Glee's comedic MVP. If only the Emmys had noticed for their season 2 specific nominations).
• Transformers Dark of the Moon - the top of that building cracking and tipping over... and that time that Shia Labeouf almost fell to his death.
• Every Movie That Opted Not To Use It.

Ten Performances That Made the Summer

• Vera Farmiga and Dagmara Dominczyk all sisterly sensual with palpable chemistry in Higher Ground [INTERVIEW]
• Andy Serkis continues to elevate mo-cap into a new acting artform in Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
• Viola Davis helps The Help overcome its limitations.
• "I also have an announcement!" and that's this: Kristen Wiig is awesome in Bridesmaids.
• Michael Fassbender moves metal and hearts in X-Men: First Class.
• Powerfully moving father/son relations were the story in both Beginners and The Tree of Life courtesay of fine direction and the efforts of Ewan McGregor & Christopher Plummer (Beginners) and Brad Pitt & Hunter McCracken (The Tree of Life).

Three Movies I'm Relieved I Didn't Have To See

• The Smurfs (22% RT rating), Zookeeper (12% RT rating), and The Change-Up (22% RT rating).

Most Terrible Twosome I Did See

• Green Lantern (27% RT rating), and Cars 2 (37% RT rating).

Eight Movies I Feel Weirdest About Missing and I'll Get To ½ of Them Eventually...Or Sooner

• One Day, The Whistleblower, The Future, The Devil's Double, Winnie the Pooh, Horrible Bosses, Trollhunter and The Beaver

 Two Quickest Memory Fades

• Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 and that's the actual truth and not meant as a diss on franchises which overstay their welcome. I'm using a spreadsheet of all screenings for this list and barely remember any single exciting moment from either picture... though the mermaid attack in On Stranger Tides lingers the most from these two pictures.

Delicious Looking Edibles

• Minnie's pies in The Help (well, excluding the one with a co-starring role)
• All "Cake Baby" items from Bridesmaids
• Ryan Gosling "Seriously? It's like your photoshopped."

Great Moments in Movies That Didn't Totally Work For Me Otherwise

• Super 8's best moment comes very early as the crew of child filmmakers prep for a big train station scene in their zombie epic only to be gobsmacked by Elle Fanning's prodigious screen presence; they almost don't notice that train hurtling towards them, such is the power of actressing. [reviewed]
• X-Men First Class has several fine moments -- almost all of them involving Magneto -- so why didn't the movie work for me? In retrospect I mostly blame the actual first class of dull, less then fully embodied mutant students. [full review]
• Thor's (Chris Hemsworth) comic fish-out-of-water arrogance in the diner amused. [reviewed]

Movie I Didn't See ...Except That I Did

• The Hangover Part 2 - I accidentally saw the first one again during the summer, and based on reviews and internet commentary that means that I did see Part 2 provided I can imagine it taking place in Bangkok which, as it turns out, I can. Saved myself $13!

Ten Best Animals (Ranked)
This list is dedicated to the narrating cat in The Future which I really am going to see soon. What's up with my procrastination?!?

1. Nim (chimpanzee) Project NIM
2. Cesar (chimpanzee) Rise of the Planet of the Apes 
3. Arthur (dog) Beginners 
4. dinosaurs (dinosaurs) The Tree of Life
5. Flora (elephant) One Lucky Elephant
6. Maurice (orangutan) in Rise of the Planet of the Apes
7. Bridal Party Shower Favors (puppies) in Bridesmaids
8. Buck (gorilla) in Rise of the Planet of the Apes
9. Willie Nelson (dog) in Our Idiot Brother
10. Nagini (snake) in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 2

Ten Best Movies (Chronologically Speaking)

• MAY: Bridesmaids, Midnight in Paris, Tuesday After Christmas, The Tree of Life; 
• JUNE: Beginners (review) a dark dark movie month it would've been without this moving film;
• JULY:  Project NIM (which opened just one month too early to capitalize on what an amazing double feature it makes with Rise of the Planet of the Apes -- thoughts on the movie), Captain America: The First Avenger (review) and Crazy, Stupid, Love (thoughts on the movie).
• AUGUST: Rise of the Planet of the Apes and either The Help (review) or Higher Ground... both of which have their problems as films but make up for it with plentiful actressing.

ONE MORE LIST...
and that's yours in the comments. Name your 3 or more favorite anything from Summer 2011. GO! 

Eye Candy: Slave Boys, Female Heroes, Werewolf Routines

The Week in Eye Candy. You deserve it. It's almost the weekend. Soak up the color, the bods, the glamour. Enjoy the diva and the doodles. There's something for everyone unless you're so niche you're impossible to please in which case scroll quickly away (try puzzles or trailers or Oscar buzz)

Jamie the Slave Boy

The Eagle hit DVD (well apart from Netflix which is on a epically annoying month-delay now). Director, Please thinks the whole movie makes no sense on account of why would Channing Tatum spare slave boy Jamie Bell's life...unless there was lust involved. Well, yes. Fair point. But does audience lust count?

Lea Seydoux's Breasts 

She didn't get to roll on the floor or handle fire arms in Midnight in Paris (note that old vinyl records don't pack a punch) but she gets to do just that in the Mission: Impossible -Ghost Protocol trailer. Her girls look even better in action... 

Jude Law, Lady Gaga and more after the jump

Click to read more ...

Denzel's Pastrami

Mmmmm, (cinematic) sandwiches.

[Hat tip to the Daily What] That shot of Denzel Washington with his mouth full is too great. But my favorite clip in that montage is Marion in Raiders of the Lost Ark. She's got true appetite.

But clearly they forgot  short order cook / lonely waitress classic Frankie & Johnny.

Frankie: I gotta eat
Johnny: We all gotta eat -- we'll eat. How about i make a little picnic for us?
Frankie: What's the menu?
Johnny: Whatever you like. You like tuna fish. I can make casserole.
Frankie: No, Not tuna casserole. [makes face] No. Tuna fish sandwich.
Johnny: I am defined by my tuna sandwich! I take the tuna out of the can and I work it between my fingers until it gets real soft.

What are you hungry for right about now?

Norma Shearer is Hungry

may flowers bloom each afternoon

I don't understand this photo at all. Is The First Lady of MGM about to eat a big plate full of Magnolia?

.... bon appetit?

Be careful of that froggy aftertaste.

My film brain works funny. Do you ever watch old movie stars and wonder which kind of pictures they would have thrived in today? Or whether they would have thrived at all if they were working in the now? Which old timey Hollywood giants would work inside a P.T. Anderson picture for example: Barbara Stanwyck and Fredric March maybe?

Sage Advice From the Movies

Always reward correct answers with chocolate!
The next time anybody tells you what you want to hear, give them a candy bar. (Unless that somebody is a dog or an unfortunate human with allergies) Positive reinforcement, baby!

"The Great Lesson: Chocolate, the Ultimate Reward" -Nathaniel Rogers

This worked for Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. Let that be a lesson to us all!

Any teachers reading? Have you tried this or do you do boring things like give them good grades when they answer well?

I did this drawing for Illustration Friday since the week's theme is "lesson" and the very first thing that came to mind was the ridiculous Dangerous Minds (1995) which I love, don't you? I love chocolate more than just about anything and if "White Bread" Michelle Pfeiffer was tossing it to me for being a good boy I'd probably love it even more.

Next up in the ridiculous teacher genre:
BAD TEACHER with Cameron Diaz. We didn't do a yes no maybe so on that trailer but are you excited for it?