Team Experience: Harry Potter Goodbyes

Hey all. I asked the team here at The Film Experience to say their goodbyes to Hogwarts and the Potter franchise now that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two has been viewed by everyone and their werewolf uncle. Y'all know how I feel about it but a huge scale of opinions and emotions swirling about out there. Each wand is unique and chooses its wizard or some such; we're all beautiful unique snowflakes!

1. WHO WAS YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER?

JA: I always gravitate towards the nerdy girls so my first thought was Hermione, but then she was swallowed whole by a tidal wave of Luna Lovegood affection. The casting people worked magic pretty much across the board but Evanna Lynch was an amazing find.

Andreas: Bellatrix, at least as portrayed by HBC. Cackling, sadistic, sexy -- I'd take her delightfully evil turn any day over her Oscar-nominated cheerleading in The King's Speech.

Kurt: Minerva McGonagall, and she gets two of the best lines in the new movie! Maggie Smith, ready to bring the thunder. Great.

Michael: Neville, Neville, Neville. The same weight of tragedy and depth of character as Harry without the cushy celebrity status or the unfortunate bouts of "woe is me" whining.  All I care about in the last movie is his big moment with the Sword of Gryffindor. It should be the cinematic "Hell, yes!" equivalent of Viggo Mortenson jumping off that ship with the army of the dead at his back.

Jose: Snape of course!

2. WHICH PROFESSOR OF MAGIC WOULD YOU LOVE TO BE SCHOOLED BY?

oh baby, talk dirty Rickman to me!

Jose:  Snape of course! The Dark Arts sound like fun!

Michael: Snape, no contest. I don't care if he does nothing but heap abuse on me. I could still listen to Alan Rickman all day.

JA: Love Maggie Smith but Professor McGonagall would've made me cry with all those withering glances. Professor Flitwick would've been fun! I could've quotedWillow to him. "Some day, Burglekutt! Some day!!!"

Kurt: My first impulse is to say Dumbledore (he seems so cuddly), but he's technically not a teacher, so I'll go with McGonagall. To quote Larry Crowne (and I swear it's the one and ONLY time I'll quote Larry Crowne), she's tough but fair.

Andreas: I've always liked Remus Lupin. He's so mild-mannered and knowledgeable about all kinds of magic. He marries one of the other coolest people in the series, Tonks. And he's a conflicted werewolf, which is pretty badass. Definitely my prof of choice if I went to Hogwarts; I'm just disappointed that he got so little screen time before his sad off-screen death!

3. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT THE SERIES, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Andreas: I know it's crazy, but why not make it all animated? I feel like Studio Ghibli could do wonders with a complex magical fantasy like this. At the very least, they would've made the characters in the epilogue look convincingly older. 

Kurt: That it could better balance its romances with its driving action. The juxtaposition of raging teen hormones and grave danger has usually been very effective, but the couplings have always felt like inauthentic footnotes. I really liked the final film, but I'd have been more invested had I given a hoot about Ron & Hermione, Harry & Ginny, and Luna & Neville "Never Met a Comic Relief Moment He Couldn't Fumble" Longbottom.

Jose: Have actual auteurs doing the directing work, other than Cuarón's film, none had any sense of real artistry and intention. They embodied the dullness that is adapting something just for the sake of it.

JA: Eight more movies!

Michael: Harry Potter and the Missed Opportunity

4. IN WHAT SORT OF OBJECTS WOULD WE BE LIKELY TO FIND YOUR HORCRUXES?

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JA: My soul and all its pieces belongs to Victor Krum's underwear drawer.

Kurt: GREAT question. Mine would be: My "Lord of the Rings" Extended Edition boxed set, my grandfather's military pendant, my latest peanut butter jar (I, very unfortunately, LOVE peanut butter), a framed photo of Brandon from when we first started dating, my journal from 2003-2007, my first writing award, and my father's father's pocket watch.

Jose: My Blu-ray and DVD library, my Kindle, white CK briefs and bad dates.

Michael: Ticket stubs. I doubt I would present much of a challenge to Harry and friends. They would have me finished off by page 50 and spend the other 750 pages playing quidditch and making out in the room of requirement. 

5. WILL YOU BE HAPPY TO SEE RALPH FIENNES'S NOSE AGAIN?

JA: Are we sure he hasn't carved it off for method thespian purposes? Has anyone seen it lately? Maybe in real life he's actually wearing a prosthetic nose now and the Voldemort nose look is him without make-up. Nobody will ever know unless somebody jumps him on a red carpet and yanks at his ears! I think I speak for us all when I say that you have the permission of the Film Experience establishment to do this now, everyone.

Kurt: Yes. I like my Fiennes brothers au naturale ...and take from that what you will.

Michael: Kudos to Ralph Fiennes to playing the most iconic villain of modern pop culture. I refer of course to "Harry" from In Bruges. I found his Voldemort to be kind of a one note sinister ghoul to be honest.

Whenever I see Brendan Gleeson show up as Mad Eye Moody I am overcome with the desire  to see him confront Voldemort  at the Hog’s Head  In Bruges-style over some butter beers.

Moody: Voldemort, let’s face it. And I’m not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you’re a cunt. You’re a cunt now. You’ve always been a cunt. And you’ll always be a cunt. Maybe make some more cunt horcruxes.

Voldemort: Leave my horcruxes fucking out of it! What have they ever done?  You retract that bit about my cunt fucking horcruxes!

Moody: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking horcruxes.

Voldemort: insult my fucking horcruxes? That’s going overboard, mate!

Want more?
Reviews of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two from Jose and Nathaniel,  a teary goodbye from JA who loved the series the most of any TFE contributor, a series lament from Michael in which he posits that the films shouldn't have started production until very recently. (Interesting!)

Your turn! 
Talking about its box office is boring which seems to be the convo du jour. (The franchise continues to fill JK Rowling's endless vault at Gringotts. The end.)  You know you want to answer those five questions in the comments! Or just a couple of them. Your choice. 

My Bellatrix vs. Minerva Fantasy

Today at a critics screening, upset that the film was out of focus, I ran out of the theater to tell the people in charge. On my way out I tripped on a step I didn't see in the dark and literally went tumbling, face first (luckily my hands hit the ground before my face). After the screening -- which I winced through in pain -- I looked down to see my foot covered in blood! My toe is all F***ed up.

This is a really long way of saying that maybe Potter fans put some sort of hex on me today, anticipating a negative review of the last chapter of the beloved franchise. But the truth is I was somewhat nice to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two in my review at Towleroad because it is 100 times better than Part One -- not that that's a high bar to jump -- even if I think it's wanting in a few key ways*. Let's say B/B- for solid if limited entertainment. In short: it's a worthy finale and totally representative of the series. 

*Like, for instance you have all these great adult British actors and they rarely interact. I mean I was D-Y-I-N-G for a Helena vs. Maggie / Bellatrix vs. Minerva showdown so I could pretend that Lucy Honeychurch was finally done with "Poor Charlotte"'s constant fussy meddling and enlisted the dark arts to take her down! (Merchant & Ivory's Harry Potter. Haha. Just try to imagine it!) I knew this battle wasn't going to happen because I've read the book but instead all I got was like a disappointing three seconds between Julie Walters and Helena (I'll readily admit it was a great moment in the book.)

Was the Harry Potter finale satisfying for you? Do you think Stuart Craig will win the Art Direction Oscar as a thank you for the whole series? He's been nominated for Harry Potter movies three times out of seven thus far (plus six noms with three Oscars before it).

Stage Door: Disney's "Aladdin" (Plus "Anything Goes")

Aladdin is the latest Disney animated musical to get a stage version [hat tip]. It just opened in Seattle. Testing the waters sands for a Broadway run? We'd love to hear opinions from any Seattle TFE readers who see it. (This is the sort of reason we wish we had a huge operating budget here at TFE. Imagine the sudden coverage of such things.)

Adam Jacob as Aladdin and Courtney Reed as JasmineAdam previously played "Simba" in The Lion King and Courtney was in "In the Heights"

That's Aladdin (Adam Jacobs) and Jasmine (Courtney Reed) in rehearsal and in previous shows. The royal couple get one original song in addition to the big famous ballad "A Whole New World". After the jump Anything Goes and two Aladdin-centric videos. One, is a history of stage and screen versions of this Arabian Night's Tale and the other is a fleshy festive Fourth of July video with the cast in a Seattle park. I guess sex sells... even when it comes to Disney musicals!

Click to read more ...

Tom Cruise Has Magic Hair

Today Tom Cruise released the first picture of himself in character as "Stacee Jaxx" for the musical comedy ROCK OF AGES (2012) which is based on this Broadway hit. I'm sure some blogs will say this looks ridiculous but it's supposed to. The show is a broad comedy! The weird part is that his storyline revolves around a journalist trying to expose him. Wasn't that a subplot in Magnolia... or was that just Frank TJ Mackey's paranoia talking? I haven't seen that movie in forever.

In addition to Tom's magic sperm, which seems to unlock greatness in actresses as soon as they reject it, he has always had magic hair. No matter what style it's in for a film, no matter if its buzzcut military or yuppie floppy, or long and lanky, or rock-star wispy it always looks crazy perfect. It always ends up looking like that's the way his hair was always meant to be. Barring Interview With a Vampire but that was a wig. (Oh god please tell me that was a wig. Otherwise even magic has its limits)

Rock of Ages opens in June 2012. And what that boils down to is this: One more year until we get to see Catherine Zeta Jones singing and dancing again. Yes! The cast list also includes Alec Baldwin, Mary J Blige, Julianne Hough, Paul Giamatti, Russell Brand, Bryan Cranston and Malin Akerman.

P.S. this tattoo is made of LOL.  I sincerely hope that the costume designer -- not yet named on IMDb -- is on point for this movie. It could be a joyously funny movie if the details are great.

Cast This! Future X-Men

It's Mutant Week!

We haven't done a "Cast This!" in awhile. The X-Men franchise may have a disproportionate amount of blue members (Angel, Beast, Mystique, Nightcrawler) at various times in their long history but the color that keeps those movie mutants going is green. Eventually they'll get to all the characters if you keep buying your tickets. Or, they won't and they'll just keep redoing the few they've concentrated on. (Those super lame cameos by every mutant who ever existed in X-Men Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine DO NOT COUNT.) Since I grew up obsessing over the X-Men, once every 3 years or so I think "I should read those comics again" only to immediately abandon the notion after one issue when I realize that the universe is too crowded. There's no continuity or internal logic I can suss out and even when people can turn their whole body into steel or projectile vomit acid while flying on butterfly wings, I like for things to make sense.

The incredibly lame "X-Men Last Stand". DO-OVER!

Somehow comic book mutants keep dying, quitting, depowering, getting lost in alternate dimensions, and returning to fight once more. Some characters age out of the game. Others never age at all. The actual comic books do the same, some resetting to issue #1, others ending entirely. Nothing makes any sense for the newcomers... even with a study guide indicating, perhaps, that comic book companies don't expect anybody to keep reading for decades, hence all the resetting and undoing.

Now that they've hit the reset button yet again, who should we cast to play our favorite mutants that haven't gotten a fair shake or need radical do-overs? I've selected only 5½ characters because this could go on for weeks and it'd be easy to list 20. Plus: most of us wouldn't know enough working actor options for interesting characters like "Karma", a Vietnamese lesbian who possesses people or fan favorite "Jubilee" a Chinese-American teen gymnast who generates explosions. Just for two random examples.

Your casting choices in the comments please...

FAIR SHAKE

DAZZLER
They haven't used Alison Blaire, this goddess of light manipulation, presumably because she's an easy character to get wrong. But if any medium is the right one for "light shows" isn't it the movies? Attempts to update Dazzler, of disco-dolly rollerskating origin, tend to trap her in yet more period-specific pop looks. Remember that 80s aerobic blue look which screamed "Olivia Newton-John!" just as ONJ's fame was dwindling? But while the X-franchise is period mode, why not use her for X-Men Second Class (this will thankfully never be the title;  the reviews would write themselves!) and wrap her back up in 70s disco?

If Dazzler's original sartorial aesthetic is good enough for Lady Gaga in this new millenium, isn't it good enough for Marvel Studios?

Like Dazzler, Like Gaga: blue electric bolt eye decor, sparkly silver bodices

WHO YOU NEED: I'd be tempted to suggest Gaga, Britney, Ke$ha or XTina but STUNT CASTING only works when the stuntperson can actually act. Who would you choose? You need a 20something blonde who is shiny, sexy, easily manipulated (oops. we all have our flaws) and believable as both pop star AND mutant powered hero.

COLOSSUS
Daniel Cudmore looked the part in X2: X-Men United, but it was a bit part. But this Russian metal muscle man could look spectacular with the advances in CGI. Or not. Plus Piotr Rasputin is the only major member of the iconic X-Men team from the late 70s/early 80s that hasn't gotten a large role yet. But mostly I'm bringing Colossus up because as I was attending that Sandra Bernhard show the other night, Cheyenne Jackson was right in front of me in line filing in. After catching my breath -- he's impossibly better looking in person -- I thought "Hmmm. Colossus?" Take a look...

Whatch'a think?

NORTHSTAR / AURORA
They were originally members of Alpha Flight (a Canadian superhero team) but Alpha Flight's ties to the X-Men are plentiful and Northstar at least has been on an X-roster from time to time. These French Canadian twins have super speed, and huge bursts of blinding light when paired. Northstar, a star athlete, was (arguably) the first out gay superhero. The twins have such a convoluted and frequently revised back story (they're fairies, now they're dead, they're...whatever...) that it's best to just chuck it all and know that they're both extremely hot, lithe, black haired babes. They've cleaned up Northstar's personality over the years (I have no idea what happened to Aurora) but he started out egotistical and a bit amoral and she started off batshit bonkers with virgin/whore split personalities and they'd be really fun in movies if they were cast and executed properly.

WHO YOU NEED: I thought it would be a fun challenge to cast temperamental unisex hotness -- boy/girl twins with elfin beauty. I'm not sure I have a good suggestion so I'm hoping you do...

DO OVER

STORM
Halle Berry gave us the lamest "super" interpretation outside of... well, no, just the lamest. And she did it twice! (see also: Catwoman). Halle has her charms but few actors are suitable to all genres and she's like Kryptonite for this one. 

In many ways, Storm is THE female superhero, Marvel Division, so popular and so powerful that when they did one of those crossover things with MARVEL/DC decades ago, she had to face off against Wonder Woman herself. The movies have been content to paint her as a subordinate teacher/mother hen type for students and seriously mute her powers (or at least cover them in molasses... seriously get on with it already in those action sequences!).

WHO YOU NEED: an actress of african descent, who radiates fierceness and power and physicality -- Storm is still the most popular black superhero ever created and way up their in the female hero ranks, too -- but can also be the mother figure to young students. Most fans, including myself, wanted Angela Bassett back in the day but she's aged out of the part (sigh). You'd also want someone kind of scary unpredictable. Remember when Storm went through her punk phase?

ROGUE
I mean this as no knock against Anna Paquin who is fine in the movies, but the movies have had a very timid perception of this character. Rogue has long been one of the most fascinating mutants because of her complex psychological struggles connected to her powers. The movies reduced this to her touch incapacitating other people by basically stealing their life force but Rogue wasn't able to do anything much with this life force. In the comics, she can readily "borrow" powers, making her fierce in battle and given that sometimes she has other people's memories and personalities knocking around her head, she's also kind of fucked up crazy as well as continually sex-starved. Or at least that's how she started out... the comics are always messin' with the story. In short: the movies haven't even begun to explore her properly.

WHO YOU NEED: A southern (or southern-accent-capable) actress with a remarkably fluid expressiveness so as to better indicate all of Rogue's internal confusions and slippery crowded persona.

Five Characters. GO!