Beauty vs. Beast: Ben v Jennifer

Generally speaking The Film Experience is not deeply invested in any celebrity relationship offscreen w/ a couple of notable exceptions. The larger media, quite to the contrary, doesn't obsess over acting but over famous actors. With Jason on vacation, it is left to me Nathaniel, to exorcize our annoyance over the media's ubiquitous obsession with the long breaking-up of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner (they've been divorced for nine months and somehow they're still showing up in every news feed daily). Ben & Jen are two of our most seemingly normal and thus dullest celebrities offscreen, so we're not sure why people care.

But since people do, let's use them for today's Beauty vs Beast and be done with them as a unit since they themselves are already done with them!

 Speak now. Make your case in the comments or forever hold your peace.

PREVIOUSLY
We asked for a rematch between Bill the Butcher (Daniel) and Amsterdam Vallon (Leo) via those Gangs of New York. It was a landslide for glass eyed Bill, who buried Amsterdam with 91% of the vote.  The prevailing sentiment was that it would be so. Squasher and BVR agreed: 

This isn't a fair fight.

Please. It's not even a contest.

Beauty vs Beast: Irish Gangs Be Slashin'

Jason from MNPP here with this week's "Beauty vs Beast" -- I don't know if its my walk to work in Lower Manhattan every day or what but you'd be surprised (really, because literally nobody says this) at how often Martin Scorsese's 2002 film Gangs of New York comes to my mind. I mean clearly the nieghborhoods look a little bit different but whenever I look off towards the river I think to myself, "Self, a boat could totally shoot a cannon at you right now." So thanks for that, Gangs of New York. One more New York stress I don't need!

Anyway this morning we're thinking green thanks to the approaching St. Patrick's Day holiday, and I figured it was time to turn that anxiety into action -- it's the angry Irish laddy versus the Original New York Nativist Nightmare (pre-dating Donald Trump by a couple centuries)...

PREVIOUSLY It was a real battle of man against machine with last week's Ex Machina edition, but in the end our lady of the whirring silver midsection Ava slinked away with just about 53% if your vote. Said catbaskets:

"Team anti-rape avenger every time. (As opposed to team rapist creator). We shall not get lost in Isaac's dreamy pecs."

Beauty vs Beast: Man Made Woman

Jason from MNPP here, hoping y'all have by now nursed your Oscar hangovers from last week, whether literal or figurative, and are feeling at least somewhat happy about what won (or maybe what didn't win - no judgment here) this year. I go into the show as cynical as a storm cloud every year but there was a long stretch in the middle of the show, as Mad Max swept up everything in sight like one of its desert twisters, where I was making many happy noises, and that's as good as it ever gets.

But my happiest noise of all issued forth (kind of an ecstatic coo, you might call it) at the night's biggest surprise, which our friend Manuel gave good love to right after the show -- Ex Machina's out-of-nowhere win for Best Special Effects over a crowd of popular behemoths. Those gears glowing and shimmering inside Ava's mid-section were low-key, gorgeous movie magic, and there's one image in the film (of a robot's self-abuse) that I won't be forgetting any time soon.

That said it seems time to finally place the Woman against her Maker here in our "Beauty vs Beast" series; I'd have nominated both of these actors for their performances myself, so this will contest of ours have to suffice...

It's been a couple of weeks since our last edition, which faced off the Witches of Oz in honor of the release of The Witch, but I don't know about you - I still haven't stopped thinking and talking about The Witch. Anyway as for Oz it was a blow-out for her beautiful wickedness herself - The Wicked Witch of the West walked away with over 80% of your vote! Take that, goody-two-shoes Glinda. Said Yavor (sharing the sorts of factoids that make TFE great):

"Nicole Kidman says that watching the WWOTW was what first made her want to act."

Beauty vs Beast: The Witches of Oz

Jason from MNPP here, trying to stop myself from making a deal with the devil to wish this entire week away before it's even really begun -- how can I hold off though? The Witch is out this weekend! I've been clamoring for the Sundance sensation since last year's Sundance, where it was a sensation, LAST YEAR, for Satan's sake. My patience is as worn-thin as the hair on a witch's chinny-chin-chin, yo. Anyway I was bothered and bewildered this morning to see that I have never used the most famous pair of witches of ever for our "Beauty vs Beast" series, so I'd say that it's high time we conjured this contest up (and we're talking about the 1939 film here, so keep Wicked out of it)...

PREVIOUSLY Turns out it wasn't just at the box-office that interest in the Zoolander films turned out to be very unpretty indeed - the contest between Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller's mad sexy creations was pretty uneventful too. It was the male model with the most-est who strutted off with the win though, taking 52% of the vote. Said Steven:

"The reason for Zoolander over Mugatu..... Magnum!!!!"

Beauty vs Beast: It's A Walk Off!

Jason from MNPP here, flashing my signature look your way as we mount this week's "Beauty vs Beast" -- it's fifteen years later and we're set to return to the Derek Zoolander School Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too this Friday with Zoolander 2, the 2001 film's slow-cooked sequel. The film reunites most of the original cast while bringing in a few new (stretched, preening) faces - I can't even tell you how many times I've watched Kristen Wiig's "Youth Milk" commercial; she's the entire reason I will be returning. I do have good feelings towards the original film though, so let's make our best right turns and flash a Blue Steel backwards in time...

PREVIOUSLY We wished Jennifer Jason Leigh happy birthday with a glance back at 1992's Single White Female, and this time out it was her crazy crazy Hedra that came out on top, sticking a single high heel (and sixty percent of the vote) into poor innocent Bridget Fonda's fashion hopes and dreams. Said DJDeeJay:

"Yes, she kills a puppy, but she also gives a guy a BJ AGAINST HIS WISHES. Totally subversive, haven't seen anything like it before or since."