To Woody With (Tough) Love

Dear Woody Allen,

I will always be there for you. Stop punishing me for my loyalty!

Back in 1984 my older brother drove me to see Broadway Danny Rose. I don't remember why. I'll readily admit that much of the movie went over my head but I laughed and laughed at the helium scene. To this day it's the only thing I remember about the movie which I never saw again. (There were always new and old Woody Allens to see so there was little time to rewatch!). My brother laughed, too. The next year I cajoled my entire family into seeing The Purple Rose of Cairo -- even though they kept grumbling about you stealing the Oscar from Star Wars -- because it was about the movies and because you made it.

It was a turning point. I was already heading towards cinephilia but that blissful melancholy miniature classic handed me a map to get there quicker; my destiny was sealed. 

As a reward to you and a treat to myself I go to each and every Woody Allen movie in the theaters. For a good long time this ritual reaped enormous rewards and I rushed out on opening night. I learned to live with the occassional dud and I still rejoice when you have a success --  hello Midnight in Paris! Nice to know ya --  but as the balance began tipping towards the "uhhh" side of the quality scale, I got lazier about it. It's been quite some time since I rushed out on opening night. I still see them but the passion has gone out of the trip ... it's now something mundane, like a favor you'd automatically do for an old friend without ever considering saying "no." You've a lifetime pass.

And so it was when I hit To Rome With Love, your follow up to a resounding success that brought you your third Best Picture nomination! Talk about wasting your post-Midnight advantage...

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"To Red Carpets With Love" - Gerwig, Pill, Cruz.

It's the new improved Red Carpet Convos. Faster, snappier, more focused... at least until the Oscars when it's impossible not to feel overwhelmed by gowns and veritably trampled by stilettos. For now, one event or theme at a time, all quick like. Today it's premiere time for Woody Allen. Welcome back Joanna from Pajiba.

Joanna: Okay, let's hit it!

Nathaniel: ‪Today we're going To Rome With Love by way of Los Angeles and New York.‬ 

Woody Allen, Allison Pill, Elena Anaya, Penélope Cruz, Greta Gerwig

Joanna:  ‪Bad fashion from 'round the world!‬

Nathaniel:  ‪Right. I hate to start with such a downer waaah-waaaaah but I almost feel like this LA premiere is actual stills from a Woody Allen movie. He kinda loves the beiges.‬ Since red carpets take place outdoors we'll call this Exteriors. Coming Soon!

Joanna:  ‪Not Alison's Getting Married?‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪Marriage, Pill Style [pill being valiums]‬ 

Joanna:  ‪I love Pill and I think she looks swellegant from the waist up.  But the length is so bridal meets plastic shower curtain from Target.

Nathaniel:  ‪With ballet slippers? ‬I mean where is she going. 

Joanna:  ‪If this were a wedding, then Penélope Cruz would be the super aggressive Mother of The Bride.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪Right. Love the Power Bitch Shellacked Hair though it always reminds me of that time when Laura Linney got all "bad girl" at the Oscars.‬

 Joanna:  ‪Not loving the sparkly boob drape, but it's almost as if Penélope is narrowing her heavily lined eyes at me, daring me to question her "window treatment."  If you know what I mean.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪This red carpet is depressing and it's for a sunny Rome-set comedy. Greta Gerwig will play the role of Pill's Flower (Dress) Girl. Or wait. are those grapes?‬

Joanna:  ‪Rome? Grapes? A theme!‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪To Bacchus With Love‬ 

 Joanna:  ‪I have to say, of all the pieces on this carpet, Elena Anaya's hot pink shoes are my FAVORITE.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪The Shoes She Lives In

Joanna: god I loved that movie.

Nathaniel: ‬Let's change cities like Woody do. (He should direct a James Bond movie since they're always globe hopping) 

Alvy Singer, Gerwig, The Real Mr & Mrs Don Draper, Cruz

Joanna:  ‪What is the delightful secret Woody is keeping? ‬Is it that Greta is expecting? Or that her shoes are secretly the Phantom Of The Opera? 

Nathaniel:  Hee. But that's why we were at a wedding earlier. Shotgun.‬ Woody, Greta, and Penélope are in NYC all of a sudden in this photo so out comes the black (shoes or dress or both)

Joanna:  ‪But Penelope is sticking to the grape theme.‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪Days of Wine and Bardem-Cruzes -- I can't stop with the fake movie titles. Apologies.

poll by twiigs.com

I'd love to get complely drunk with her but I kinda hate this color on her. I'm not sure why. I think maybe it's because she looks so tan lately.‬

Joanna:  ‪What do we think of the Hamm Wesfeldt's? I love her dress and basically everything about her except for her Zellwegerian squint. And he, to me, is stubbly perfection.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪I love them. They strike me as a genuinely awesome happy couple, whether squinting or unshaven. And, not for nothing, I think they'd both be great in a Woody Allen movie. I hope they were handshaking and charming and bantering to sell that.‬

Joanna:  ‪<--- OH GOD GRETA'S WAIST FRINGE‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪I knew I had to hit you with another Greta pic. It's just... what?!?

Joanna:  ‪Her waist looks like it's wearing false eyelashes.‬ The whole thing is just so staggeringly unflattering.  In every conceivable way. 

Nathaniel:  ‪waistlashes. lol. what an image.‬ I'm not sure how to end this Exteriors movie. ‬Gerwig has robbed me of speech.

Joanna:  ‪Then take a tip from Woody and, just, shhhhhhhhhhhh.‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪[rolling credits with some jaunty 30s tune]‬ 

Previously on Red Carpet Convos...
Cannes dresses (Jose)
Rock of Ages and Prometheus premieres (Joanna & Nathaniel)
Hunger Games premiere (Guy & Nathaniel)

The Lord of the Links: The Return of the Link

whoa. no link roundups in forever. time to catch up on movie news and/or must see web droppings

Yahoo Movies Fine Thelma Adams piece on Prometheus' "foreign object" sequence. [shudder]
24 Frames Noomi Rapace and Sigourney Weavers' Alien franchise screen tests
IndieWire six life saving tips for cinematographers from the great Darius Khondji (Se7en, Evita, Midnight in Paris, and more...)
Empire Penelope Cruz will star in her fifth Pedro Almodóvar movie Fleeting Lovers (title may change) which starts shooting this summer. Yay! Double Yay! All About My Mother star Cecilia Roth is also in the cast.
YouTube if there's anything I hate about YouTube it's the ability to name your videos "official". But this "Official" Les Miserable trailer starring (gulp) Katie Holmes is kind of a good prank... I mean Nightmare!
In Contention production designer J Michael Riva (Django Unchained, The Color Purple) has passed away at 63.

Awards Daily Singin' in the Rain is getting a 60th anniversary rerelease on July 12th. Just in time for the Gene Kelly Centennial. And yes, if I can manage it here at the Film Experience July and August will house a big Gene Kelly retrospective right here at the Film Experience. He's up there with Montgomery Clift in my favorite (male) movie star charts after all.
Life of Pi the tiger growls memorably for the first time on the official website. Also he looks amazing.
Movie|Line Better three years late than never. Xavier Dolan's award winning debut film (and Canadian Oscar submission in its year) I Killed My Mother is FINALLY getting a US theatrical release. 
Guardian hears that The Avengers might get a three hour version for theatrical rerelease this fall. Considering Joss Whedon's comments on the deleted material (indulgent, killing the rhythm) and his own feelings about different versions of the same story (no) perhaps this is a very bad idea.
Queerty the red band ass abundant Magic Mike trailer.

filmmaking tips
IndieWire six life saving tips for cinematographers from the great Darius Khondji (Se7en, Evita, Midnight in Paris, and more...) 
Movie|Line twenty-two pieces of storytelling advice from a Pixar artist
LA Times offers up awards show tips for the Oscars (hey, that's sorta filmmaking tips) via the Tony Awards though I will continue to hate everyone and especially every writer who suggests very publicly that we don't need to see Costume Designers winning their prizes. A pox on all your craft-hating houses!

casting news we don't have much to say about but we should probably share anyway...

Greer takes over for Buckley in the Carrie remake

• Jean Dujardin is in talks to join Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street
• Amy Ryan and Dane DeHaan may join an upcoming non-documentary take on West Memphis Three currently starring Colin Firth and Allesandro Nivola (my god how many movies will this story inspire by 2020?)
• John Madden's "Exotic Marigold" follow up is a comedy called Murder Mystery and may star Charlize Theron
• Judy Greer (recently interviewed right here) wins the gym teacher role in Carrie, previously played by the great Betty Buckley. I only wish I weren't so dreading the movie.

off cinema
Gawker an alligator eating a croc? 
Sound Cloud she may have lost the Tony but Jayne Houdyshell keeps giving it from Follies. She rerecorded "Broadway Baby" as a solo for a compilation. It's wonderful! 
Cinema Blend an amusing piece about that George Bush head on spike story from Game of Thrones 

Zachary Quinto, Claire Danes, Chris Rock, The Fanning Sisters... and that's just a tiny sample.Finally...

 Have you seen the Paramount Pictures celebration? They gathered 116 stars together -- NOT photoshopped, actually there -- for a Centennial Photo.

The photo is so big you have to scroll to get the whole thing on your computer. You can mouse over it to enlarge see who's in the shot but without doing so I spotted George Clooney, Jamie Lee Curtis, George Takei, Julianne Moore, Meryl, Mark & Marty, Jane Fonda and Eddie Murphy straightaway. Watching the video gives you a closer look at the star networking. Watching stars mingle is the best part of starry events... though they never share enough.

It makes you wonder who knows each other and who doesn't. And who really does or doesn't want to be talking to whom. Did the stars who haven't had a good role in decades bee-line to the directors present (Lynch, Fincher, Scorsese, etcetera) or have they given up but for anniversary shindigs to honor their past glories? All I know for sure is that photo events like this make me happy.

Yes, No, Maybe So: "To Rome With Love"

Jose here with a new edition of Yes, No, Maybe So. After the success of the Oscar-winning Midnight in Paris, all eyes were set on Woody Allen's next movie. First the movie caused a tiny outrage because of its "unimaginative" title, later we got a look at an underwhelming poster that had people once more complaining and accusing Woody of "losing his touch".

However, this has become the norm with his work. He's unarguably the most productive artist in moviemaking and people always have very strong reactions towards him and his movies. For all the people who loved Midnight in Paris there were a few who hated it because it wasn't Annie Hall or refused to watch it because they oppose Woody morally.

Here's the first trailer. Help us decide if it's Yes, No or Maybe So...

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Red Carpet: Oscar Fashion Votes & Snubs

It's all over but for the Oscars finding their place in the expansive homes of the winners: night stand treasure? fireplace mantle trophy? foyer bragging spot? bathroom door stopper? ‪personal office knick knack? - Just a little something to brighten the room. Or each room if you're Robert Richardson or Meryl Streep. Oh and the fashion. We haven't discussed the fashion yet.

NATHANIEL: Welcome back to the red carpet lineup, Kurt, Jose and readers. I type this with my eyes half open. It's been a long season. I actually feel like someone's train, just dragging along the ground. Though with less grace.‬

Sandy, Goop Girl, Penelope, Black Swan in Red Polka Dot, Leg

Carry me with you Penelope!

poll by twiigs.com

JOSE:  ‪You need to smoke/drink/inhale whatever Jean Dujardin's been on since November‬ 

KURT:  ‪My guess is it was that toddlers and tiaras concoction‬.

Nathaniel:  ‪Ohhhh Dujardin. If I could tap dance to revive my flailing career, I would

Jose:  ‪just teach Monty a few tricks, grow a 'stache and you're set! If not you can ask Super Gwynnie to help you‬. Yay super Gwynnie!‬

Kurt:  ‪Paltrow gets my Best Dressed in a walk. and did she ever walk. I'm just in love with super gwynnie. Damn those cape haters!‬

Nathaniel: Quoth Edna "NO CAPES!"

"NO CAPES"Kurt: LOL

Nathaniel: I was trying to think of a superhero name for her but all I came up with was "‪Goop Girl. Able to leap the Atlantic in a single bound.‬"

Jose:  ‪ugh I am so happy that we all agree on Gwyn for once, I always stick up for her, even when she does crazy ass stuff‬

Kurt:  And this is so the year of the bracelet.

Jose: Lynda Carter must be pissed they're stealing her decades old thunder.

Nathaniel: Big wrist-hiders. Somewhere Natalie Wood is smiling down from heaven.‬

more after the jump including best actress...

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