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Entries in vampires (62)

Tuesday
Jun192012

True Blood 5.2... Or, Nahhh,... TEEN WOLF Top Ten!

previously on True Blood

After a disappointing return to Bon Temps I was all primed for something closer to satisfying from the second episode of this storied show's fifth season but instead of excitement the True Blood team offered more set-up as if this were part two of the season opener rather than a stand-alone episode or a compelling stakes-raiser. When will this season actually begin? Any movie that hadn't begun after 1 hour and 30 minutes would be universally shunned but unfortunately TV series can get away with doing nothing for hours on end, everyone assuming (generously) that "something will happen next time." 

In a complete dereliction of duty, and a complete absence of self-awareness, True Blood refuses to de-clothe Chris Meloni in "Authority Always Wins"

As far I can tell there are 5 major story threads going on...

  • The Authority vs. Russell (Denis O'Hare) who they thought was dead. Starring Bill & Eric.
  • Tara is now a Vampire after we thought her dead. Starring Tara, Sookie, Pam & Lafayette. 
  • Werewolf PackPower Struggle once their pack leader is found dead. Starring Sam, Luna, & Alcides.
  • The love between Jessica ♥ Jason has died and now everyone in Bon Temps is lovelorn and lonely... particularly the plain ol' human characters and solo girl vamps who used to always hang with their makers. Starring Jason & Jessica & Hoyt & Reverend Newlend & Sheriff Andy & Holly & Pam.
  • War vet buddies are haunted by a dangerous loose cannon among them. Starring Terry & Arlene.   

Within these five general stories are (presumably) little minor stories starring only one or two of the characters bringing us to the very obvious conclusion that there are too many characters is not enough of a show-running directive / understanding that "ensemble" actually means 'a large group of characters' rather than 'abundant solo acts.' Frankly, I'm losing interest. It's like a very mild (hopefully tentative) version of that time a few months back when Glee returned from hiatus and I suddenly and violently knew I simply Could Not anymore with that show. Ugh.

the only emotionally engaging thread in "Authority Always Wins" took place a century ago!

Draining the Episode Dry
Body Count: 2 (Humans in Pam/Eric flashbacks); Sex Scenes: 0; Fresh Meat: The sickeningly sexy Chris Meloni joins the cast of the most naked show on television... completely clothed. Which tells you everything you need to know about the catastrophe that season 5 is threa... you know what? I CAN'T. I CAN'T.

Today I'd much rather talk about Teen Wolf.

Ten Best Things About Season 2 Teen Wolf (thus far)

10 Even when the relationships make you groan/giggle  -- almost always --  you can still care about them. Maybe because they're teenagers and you can forgive teenagers a lot. Maybe because it's only been 1 Season and they aren't replaying the same drama for years on end (yet). Maybe because the show doesn't take itself too seriously but genuinely seems to be fond of its characters.

09 Season 2's supposed edict "more emotions, less clothing" is so far totally true.

eight more bests after the jump

Click to read more ...

Tuesday
Jun122012

True Blood 5.1 "Turn! Turn! Turn!"

I had such a good time covering True Blood last year that I decided early on that I'd chime in again this year. Unfortunately those slutty Bon Temps whackjobs and their blaspheming god (Alan Ball) did not reward me with a fine debut. Cliffhangers are rarely the best way to end a TV season -- especially one with a really devout fanbase that's coming back anyway. They invariably make the return feel like less of a drunken celebration and more like the clean up after A Lost Weekend. No one remembers how things got so messy but excuse us while we mop up.

Turn Turn Turn... TARA? The angriest bartender in Bon Temps won't be happy about this.

There's so much clean up. Sookie's house had not one but two dead girls to dispose of (Tara and Debby) and icky leftovers (the tooth!) but to avoid Tara's death being a true one, Sookie bargains with Vampire Pam to turn her. This is a terrible terrible decision but Sookie makes notoriously terrible decisions and almost always for selfish reasons so this is par for the course. More after the jump including the usual NSFW shenanigans of those Bon Temps hookers...

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Jun022012

Twins: "Drunk on brandywine... a thimbleful!"

While we're in Gemini, twins! Daily @ 2:22 pm

Don't be angry with me. When I saw them I knew they were for you. Drunk on brandywine... a thimbleful."

Kirsten Dunst is so thoughtful of her co-stars. She gave Vampire Tom Cruise little boy twins to drink as an apologia for stealing his 1994 would be franchise Interview with the Vampire right out from under his blue veined intensity. 

What a gift. Lestat (Tom) tells little Claudia (Kiki) that she's outdone herself but he doesn't know how right he is...

Click to read more ...

Monday
May212012

Review: "Dark Shadows"

This article was originally published at Towleroad in my weekly column

Chloë Grace Moretz is judging you!

With the world too busy seeing The Avengers (reviewed) for a second time last weekend, Dark Shadows premiered to considerably less fanfare and bank than Tim Burton and Johnny Depp collaborations are generally greeted with. So who will even notice that we're one week late to the ball? Young Carolyn Stoddard (Chloë Grace Moretz) will -- she's so smugly superior -- but she prefers the word "happening". She's quick to school her out-of-time vampire uncle Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) that no one throws "balls" anymore.  

Actually, Carolyn, Tim Burton does...

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
May022012

Link Roll Call

Gold Derby has the complete list of MTV Movie Awards. As per usual it's a Harry Potter/Twilight party, crashed this time out by The Hunger Games. So YA.
Movie|Line interviews smashing Mark Ruffalo on playing The Hulk and Dance Dance Revolution with his castmates.
Hero Chan "The Birth of Venus Black Widow"
Incredible Suit massive difference between old and new Spider-Man movies demonstrated
My New Plaid Pants "do dump or marry?" The Royal Tenenbaums edition

Pajiba 10 actors who will never be nominated for Emmy no matter how much they deserve it. 
Guardian because all franchises refuse to die, they're thinking of resurrecting Dracula to star Tom Cruise as Van Helsing. Won't the vampire craze be over by the time they're finished? It has to be on its last legs now.
The Envelope Oscar is staying put in the same theater for another couple of decades. It is "Kodak" no more but now "Dolby" I believe. 
Cracked great behind the scenes photos that break the movie spell
Vulture April's best celebrity portraiture from Michelle Williams to Adepere Oduye
Awards Daily first photos of Nicole Kidman on set of Railway Man. Ugh, I hate when they make my fav goddesses frumpy for movie roles 

Finally, I heart this new poster for Snow White and the Huntsman. Oh please let the evil queen win!

Wednesday
Apr182012

Saoirse Ronan Ruins Lives!

The poster for Saoirse Ronan's latest Byzantium has just been released. It's a vampire movie from Neil Jordan who is no stranger to supernatural beasties (see also: The Company of Wolves, Interview with the Vampire, The Crying Games ... what? There's no other explanation for how indelibly creepy Miranda Richardson is in that movie!)

Question: When will Saoirse Ronan ever be cast as a non-lethal girl again? The ridiculously talented young star (who just turned 18... god, time flies) just keeps playing killers whether literally or metaphorically. Let's review:

Atonement (2007) DESTROYER OF LIVES
The Lovely Bones (2009) DEAD GIRL 
Hanna (2011) ASSASSIN
Violet and Daisy (2011 still awaiting release) ASSASSIN
Byzantium (coming soon) VAMPIRE
Order of the Seven (coming soon... another Snow White movie) WARRIOR 
The Host (coming soon) DANGEROUS POSSESSING ALIEN 
How I Live Now (coming soon) NORMAL GIRL THRUST INTO VIOLENT SURVIVAL MODE

Second generation vampiress Saoirse Ronan in "Byzantium"

I realize she's got those spooky ice blue Pfeifferian eyes -- already well cast as La Pfeiffer's daughter in I Could Never Be Your Woman (one of her only roles without a body count) --  but what is her management thinking? Diversify!

Monday
Apr022012

Linksploitation

Digital Spy Kate Winslet on Titanic then and now "he's fatter now - I'm thinner."
Baltimore Magazine an oral history of Diner (1982) the influential comedy.
Acidemic interesting piece on The Hunger Games as the They Shoot Horses Don't They of 2012
Rope of Silicon Christoph Waltz on the set of Django Unchained. First look at his character's look.
Furious Cinema films that may have influenced Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained.


The House Next Door 15 Famous Movie Bullies 
Empire new Brave character posters. So much red hair.
Stirred Straight Up... Olivia, Newton, Johns (hee)
Awards Daily Jennifer Lawrence. She's happening.
Cinema Blend Danny Boyle making a short James Bond film with Daniel Craig? Stirring.
Gold Derby Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler and Jack and Jill took all 10 of the Razzie Awards! Clean sweep. 
Guardian a bizarre story of a leprosy joke cut from The Pirates! the new animated movie. 
Pajiba on the casting of Ashton Kutchner as Steve Jobs in a biopic.

The casting is ridiculous. I mean, it’s like Ashton Kutcher playing Steve Jobs: Yes, the most extreme, hyperbolic comparison I can make is THE ACTUAL CASTING.

lmfao.

Finally... enjoy this 5 second delight called "Vampire Bash" by António Silva

Thursday
Mar152012

Yes, No, Maybe So: "Dark Shadows"

I meant to start the Burtonjuice series tonight, a full retrospective of Tim Burton each Thursday night, but that might have to wait one more Thursday. Because we're all Burton'ed out after watching the trailer to Dark Shadows twice in a row to see if it was for real.

Are you for real, trailer?

The trailer runs its mouth but does not answer.

It blabbers, nudges and winks, spreads its finger claws dramatically then goes back to amusing itself. We're glad someone is amused.

So let's break it down with our Yes, No, Maybe So system

YES

  • It does appear that Eva Green is having some fun with her role. Particularly fun is the ass on the piano bit and her deranged in-your-face sexuality.
  • Green reminds me a bit of Lisa Marie here. I know that Tim Burton has long since moved on to Helena Bonham-Carter but don't you kind of miss Lisa Marie? I do.
  • Production Designer Rick Heinrichs is clearly enjoying this Production Designer's Dream Project.

 

Click to read more ...

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