Charlize Theron Plays Fast & Furiosa With Her Action Star Potential

Daniel here. If your Charlize senses have been tingling lately then it’s fair to assume your road rage has set in: Variety reports that Universal is circling Imperator Furiosa herself to star as the lead villain in Fast 8, the latest model in their rubber-burning line of Fast & Furious flicks. 

Gallons of credit go to this high-octane franchise for encouraging onscreen diversity and staging sky-is-the-limit set pieces, sure, but just because Charlize Theron can drive, it doesn’t mean she needs to take your wheel.

The main attractions in a Fast & Furious are smash ‘em up automotive melees with basic visuals broken up by character-light screeds on the true meaning of family; you’ll find none of Mad Max: Fury Road’s kinetic wizardry or redemptive arcs. Pitting their rogue gallery of villains against Charlize Theron is like straight-up reaching for the wrong Ben & Jerry’s pint. Jason Statham or Luke Evans’ unhinged, kitchen sink nutsos are more Everything But The… whereas her slow burn Coffee Coffee BuzzBuzzBuzz charisma sneaks up on you before you realize your heart’s about to explode.

Surely we can find a better action franchise for our feminist warrior to throttle into high gear. And, yes, options are aplenty.

• ALIENS. The logical place to start is unfortunately a moot point. The Aliens series already had their chance for another fearless Ripley type in Ridley Scott’s underrated franchise refraction Prometheus, where you’ll remember (or not) that she was relegated to playing comatose corporate ethics incarnate, Meredith Vickers.

• BOND. Although her co-star Idris Elba is everyone’s favorite hypothetical James Bond, it’s a safe bet that she could outsmug Craig, outdrink Connery, and outlast Lazenby. 

• MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE. Let’s relieve Tom Cruise of jet-hugging duty and let Agent Charlize hunt down snipers at the opera in Mission: Impossible.

At the very least, she’s a shoo-in for that rumored all X-chromosome Ocean’s Eleven. Which action franchise should Charlize Theron anchor instead of Fast 8?

Action Sequences: Man vs Bear, Max vs Furiosa.

The Film Bitch Awards "extra" categories have commenced. We've already discussed Ensembles, Breakthrough, and Casting and now we hit Action Sequences. These are sometimes hard to define as with the much celebrated fourth installment of Mad Max which could be described in its entirety as "chase sequence" but I've tried to break it down a bit for these purposes. Given the choreography, wonder and passion happening on Fury Road the bar was high and even hugely entertaining fight sequences that I thought would be easy placements for the category like the "Hulkbuster" fight in The Avengers: Age of Ultron or technical wows like Johnson vs. Sporino in Creed (all in one continuous shot!) were edged out.

Films with standard action setpieces, whatever their other strengths, like the two biggest blockbusters of the year (The Force Awakens and Jurassic World) or films with inventive brief moments that didn't quite transcend their otherwise rote action beats (Ant-Man) didn't really stand a chance in this high energy competition that put the motion in motion pictures.

Click the image for more on fine action sequences of the past year in cinema

Thoughts I Had... while staring at this photo from the set of "xXx: The Return of Xander Cage"

Thoughts I had in the order they came to me after the jump...

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The Case For "See You Again"

Kieran, here. Full disclosure—Best Original Song is my least favorite category. Though the last three winners of this category have been worthy entries, this relative hot streak doesn’t overwrite the fact that the category’s mandate for existing is somewhat dubious.  For every “Glory” or “Skyfall” the category of late will award many more “We Belong Together” and “Man or Muppet” level winners.  That’s why when a movie song comes along that feels emotionally or architecturally integral to its film’s narrative, it’s difficult to argue against it as a winner.

That brings us to Wiz Khalifa’s “See You Again” from Furious 7. Look…I can already hear and see the exasperated sighs and eyerolls that accompany any advocacy for this hit as an Academy Award Winner. Its tedious ubiquity in 2015 can easily (and fairly) prompt the response of “Does it need Academy Awards advocacy on top of everything else?”

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Critics Choice Wars Episode XXI: A Shark Jump

As you have undoubtedly heard the Broadcast Film Critics Association yelled "do over" this weekend, seeing the response to Star Wars: The Force Awakens from both audiences (with those record breaking numbers) and critics. The organization had voted before the film screened as had literally all of major Oscar precursors. Instead of accepting that deadlines are deadlines -- which all other organizations did because who the hell doesn't? -- they asked members to vote on whether it should be added into the Best Picture lineup after the fact.

Some of us were angry to even be asked. The question was surely rhetorical for after it was asked it was clear that by even asking the BFCA would add the picture, breaking all semblance of standard operating procedure and sound voting practices. [More...]

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