Year in Review: The Bad, The Worse, and the Ugly

I used to make a big fuss over my CINEMATIC SHAME list but this year I'm mostly just feeling the love (see also that "most moving" list share). Nevertheless tradition is tradition, so herewith a few dubious "honors" and outright dismissals from the worst of 2013

WORST MAINSTREAM FILMS
One can avoid a lot of dross if you select your own movies rather than have them assigned to you by an editor. But true terror always finds a way. Let's call this a three way tie. Identity Thief is so stuffed with uncecessary scenes and filler -- the stars don't even meet for half an hour! -- it's practically built to be ignored on cable for decades to come while you putter around your house with your phone in hand and your mind entirely elsewhere -- at least until you notice some bright color combination on Melissa McCarthy and chuckle at a line reading or two before instanteously losing interest again.

Unfortunately there's more. The Counselor, Oblivion, Diana, The Lone Ranger, Jodie Foster and more dishonors after the jump... 

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Yes, No, Maybe So... (a mystery movie)

Dancin' Dan here, ready to play our favorite trailer game with a bit of a twist. Those of you who saw Catching Fire this past weekend were treated to what is surely one of the weirdest and worst trailers in recent memory... although you might not have realized the full extent of its awfulness until the very end, when the title flashes across the screen.

Let's break it down... chronologically this time.

YES

Things start off well enough... a pretty poor boy (Alex Pettyfer) and a pretty rich girl (Gabriella Wilde) meet-cute/creepy as pretty music plays...

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Paging Lacuna, Inc. - Naomi Watts' 2013 is One She'd Rather Forget!

One of my favourite movie-going memories of 2013 was seeing the trailer for Adore play before a bemused sold out opening weekend audience at Blue Jasmine. Amongst the scattered laughs was one lady a row or two behind me who uttered to her companion, “What is Naomi Watts doing?” She, and the rest of us, are sadly still waiting for an answer. On the heels of that Oscar nomination for The Impossible, Watts has since appeared in two films that have literally been laughed off of cinema screens.

[Adore and Diana giggles after the jump...]

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The Worst of The Worst Summer Seasons?

Tim here. Oscar Season is about ready to officially kick off, with the first Gurus of Gold listing landing today, and the massively important Venice, Telluride , and Toronto film festivals all starting within the next week or two, but before we move into the last phase of the movie calendar year, I’d like to spend one more moment eulogizing the year that has been, nodding one last time in the direction of the summer that, just about everybody agrees, has been the absolute pits.

We’ve already gone over that, so instead of belaboring a point, I’d like to ask the question, was summer, 2013, really the worst ever? I’m pretty confident that the answer to that is no, and to prove it, I’d like to offer up three possibilities for the title of Worst Summer Movie Season of All Time that put 2013 to shame. Or, y’know, make it look good. Whichever way you want to put it.

Three terrible summers after the jump

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The Lone Ranger Spawns Multiple Sore Losers

Can we take a moment to shake our heads collectively at Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer and The Lone Ranger team for being sore losers? They're blaming critics and the media for the failure of the film at the box office -- as if opening weekends are determined by critics. LOL. Weirdly Armie Hammer tries to rope in World War Z to the conversation (which has a 67% critical approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes versus their 28% and a much higher audience approval rating, too) 

They tried to do the same thing with ‘World War Z’,” Hammer said of the critical backlash.”It didn’t work, the movie was successful. Instead they decided to slit the jugular of our movie.”

Because this is what critics do. They think "damn, people loved that movie I trashed? I shall have my revenge next time!" and then their tiny selves morph hive-like into Mega-Critic, a ugly monstrously powerful giant beast, big enough to do battle with the beautiful innocence of the Blameless Blockbuster. 

I always feel embarrassment, not schadenfreude, for stars and filmmakers when they blame everyone but themselves. It shows a complete aversion to looking inward and betrays a pampered creative life that actively works against continued evolution as an artist. When people only believe/accept adulation, they calcify. It's why so many artists become self parodies or get less interesting as they progress. I really don't think it's an age thing, though you often hear that people do their best work early in their careers. I think, rather, that it's an insular gated community problem, a result of entourages of "yes men" and belief in your own hype.

previously
Why did the Lone Ranger flop?
The Lone Ranger reviewed