Posterized: Michael Bay

I can't believe I'm doing this. It feels so perverse. But with the Notorious B.A.Y.'s 10th movie dropping this weekend, why not? Pain and Gain is winning generally favorable pre-release buzz for its dumb brute yuks and for Michael Bay's understanding of his own "gifts". And people are even asking if he's an "auteur"... which, well I called him that really early on because he is. Auteur means "author" so anyone with a clear ownership of their filmography -- where you can see their fingerprints all over their work -- qualifies. It doesn't mean "Great Filmmaker" though that tends to be how people use it.

Besides, I'm genuinely curious if you Film Experiencers have seen his movies. I've often bristled at the notion that movie buffs and cinephiles are elitist snobs. From my personal experience its the multiplex masses who are the true elitists, since they're so unlikely to seek out movies that are outside the mainstream comfort zones. Most "film snobs" I know will see just about anything and can find worth in just about any genre. Have any Michael Bay fans seen a film by Michael Haneke, Jane Campion or Lars von Trier?

Anyway... 

How many of Michael Bay's nine GIANT movies have you seen?

Bad Boys (1995), The Rock (1995), Armageddon (1997)
Remember when you couldn't escape these blockbusters? Actually I escaped them. I only saw Armageddon in theaters from Bay's Noisy Nineties Breakthrough period. Because his films were always on cable at one point I think I have seen sizeable portions of the others.

Pearl Harbor (2001), Bad Boys II (2003), The Island (2005)
Remember when Pearl Harbor had Oscar buzz. Hee!
Remember how profoundly uncool it was of Michael Bay to blame Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson for The Island's box office failure? As if they were to blame for him getting his arguably worst reviews.

Transformers (2007), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
Michael Bay has been directing giant fucking robots (or the green screens where they will eventually be super-imposed) for the past half decade. Now he's got actors again, though he very wisely chose cartoonish ones.

How many of these blockbusters have you seen? I'm surprised to realize that I've seen only 3 in theaters though it feels like I've seen them all from their ubiquity. I do plan to see Pain & Gain. You?

What Compels You To Watch Bad Movies / TV?

I am officially cured of my pneumonia (and there was much rejoicing) but in my final few days of laying around feeling sorry for myself I found myself watching bad movies and television with abandon. Do you do that when you're under the weather? Does the brain demand a vacation when the body shuts down?

A few days ago The Boyfriend and I watched Real Steel and in my medicated delirium I really enjoyed it. Particularly the scene in the junkyard when "Atom", our robot hero, defeats a brutish robot boxer who was so ugly he was cute. He was made of old used parts like mismatched fender biceps and a sledgehammer fist. He malfunctions and turns on himself. The boyfriend sighed dramatically, utterly pained by the movie.

If only *I* had a sledgehammer for a hand to beat myself to death with right now."

Heh.

He demanded we watch Melancholia for a third time immediately thereafter for a palette cleanser which made for the strangest double feature imaginable.

Last night I watched Revolution a second time -- glutton for punishment! -- and it remains so so terrible. The leading actress is either one of the worst ever asked to carry a series or the writers don't understand that whiny repetitive stubborness is not necessarily an appealing character trait. Why do I give genre shows so many chances? Do you share this weakness? Or maybe you have another... 

I chased Revolution with Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for which I blame Brooke Smith, the girl in the pit, who was playing a dangerous madame. I always love Brooke Smith but I do not love bad television. Tonight to rescue me from bad television for the forseeable future Revenge and Homeland return. Come to me awesome psychotic series, come to me!

VES Wins: Hugo, Rango and... "Dior J'Adore!"

Paramount had a big night at the Visual Effects Society awards. We knew that Hugo was bound to do well given that the VES Statue is already Papa Georges friendly (pictured left). But they won in other categories too thanks to Rango and Transformers. Will all three of those movies take home prizes at the Oscars? Transformers has the biggest hurdle there in all three of its categories but especially in visual effects since its battling Rise of the Planet of the Apes. "Caesar" is probably too agile to fall prey to "The Driller"

Visual Effects Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Dan Lemmon, Joe Letteri, Cyndi Ochs, Kurt Williams
Supporting Visual Effects Hugo: Ben Grossmann, Alex Henning, Rob Legato, Karen Murphy
Visual Effects in an Animated Feature Rango: Tim Alexander, Hal Hickel, Jacqui Lopez, Katie Lynch
Animated Character in a Live Action Feature "Caesar" Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Daniel Barrett, Florian Fernandez, Matthew Muntean, Eric Reynolds
Animated Character in an Animated Feature "Rango" Rango: Frank Gravatt, Kevin Martel, Brian Paik, Steve Walton

Created Environment in Live Action "155 Wacker Drive" Transformers: Dark of the Moon: Giles Hancock, John Hanson, Tom Martinek, Scott Younkin
Created Environment in Animated "Main Street Dirt" Rango: John Bell, Polly Ing, Martin Murphy, Russell Paul

Quick recall: I'm sure you remember Main Street in Rango since virtually all the action unfolded there. But if you need a quick memory nudge "155 Wacker Drive" is the building that took such a brutal beating in Transformers, an action sequence that they used so heavily in commercials since they correctly guessed that "The Driller" was their biggest WOW. In fact that action sequence was so memorable that it appears that Battleship wanted nothing more than to remind you of exactly that in their 'Transformers Jr.' Superbowl commercial.

Rango in the Dirt Saloon

Virtual Cinematography in Live Action: Hugo: Martin Chamney, Rob Legato, Adam Watkins, Fabio Zangla
Virtual Cinematography in Animated "The Dirt Saloon" Rango: Colin Benoit, Philippe Rebours, Nelson Sepulveda, Nick Walker
Models "Driller" Transformers: Dark of the Moon: Tim Brakensiek, Kelvin Chu, David Fogler, Rene Garcia
Compositing "Skinny Steve" Captain America: The First Avenger: Casey Allen, Trent Claus, Brian Hajek, Cliff Welsh

The rest of the awards were for television and commercials. Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire and Terra Nova (is that cancelled or not? Confusion) took home most of the prizes. You can see a full list of winners at the  VES Official Site. And just because we love it so much, and its such an actressexual fix, let us all gaze once more upon the great "Dior J'Adore" which won Visual Effects in a Live Action Commercial.

Remarkably Charlize Theron's beauty is not computer generated but an actual thing that exists in nature (Good job God!) but mixing in those famous immortals required computer assistance.

VFX Oscar Upset: Rainbow Bridge of Asgard Shut Down For Repairs

This post is only illustrated with Hugh Jackman because I'm still reeling from that LES MIZ story! It's like a huge robot shaped like Taylor Swift just punched me!!!This just in (if this post were written last night. Pretend with me!)... The Academy has narrowed their Visual Effects race to ten players.

They'll have to cleave this list in half again by Tuesday January 24th, 2012 when the Oscar nominations are announced. Which five films will remain standing?

Captain America: The First Avenger
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Hugo
Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Real Steel
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The Tree of Life
X-Men: First Class

GOODBYE TO YOU
What does this mean? Only that five previously eligible semi-finalists have been kicked to the curb.

No more Cowboys & Aliens (though the ADG bit). No more Sucker Punch (later lobotomized ladies!). No more Sherlock Holmes Part 2 (is it just me or is this movie feeling strangely nonexistent to the world despite being in the box office top ten) No more Thor (the hammer is his penis). No more Super 8.

The latter rejection seems like the biggest surprise to me. It's seemingly the only Movie about Movies containing scenes of the filming of other Movies to not catch on with awards voters this year since The Artist and Hugo and even Drive seem to be doing just fine, thank you).

Which half of the finalist list are you all in for?

Related: Current Visual Oscar Predictions

Box Office: Hugh Jackman Punches In At #1

I'm sorry I've been away today -- couldn't be helped -- but tomorrow I'll share my thoughts on My Week With Marilyn and update the Oscar charts.

For now, the weekend box office. It's unfortunate and bizarre to recall this or to type it out loud but the surprisingly solid opening to Hugh Jackman's ridiculous-looking Real Steel is actually not his top non-mutant opening weekend. That honor belongs to Van Helsing of all things. 

Box Office (U.S.) Baker's Dozen -actuals
01 REAL STEEL new $27.3 
02 IDES OF MARCH new [capsule] $10.4 
03 DOLPHIN TALE  $9.1 (cum $49)
04 MONEYBALL [review] $7.4 (cum $49.2)
05 50/50 [review]  $5.6 (cum $17.4)
06 COURAGEOUS  $4.8 (cum $16.1)
07 THE LION KING 3D [review] re-release $4.5 (cum $414.5... $85.9 of that in this rerelease)
08 DREAMHOUSE  $4.4 (cum $14.4)
09 WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER? $3.1 (cum $10.3)
10 ABDUCTION [review] $2.8 (cum $23.3)
11 CONTAGION $2.9 (cum $69)
12 KILLER ELITE $2.2 (cum $21.6)
13 THE HELP [review] $2.9 (cum $162.6)

King of the Box Office JungleTalking Points
• The Help is on its last legs with a low per screen average now. But what strong legs those were. 

• You can tell it's October because the grosses are way down. Despite the typical fall dip family fare is still impervious to seasonal recessions; Real Steel opened big, Dolphin Tale is a hit, and wasn't this Lion King Redux only supposed to play for two weeks? 

• Cowboys and Aliens is probably in agony over its gross. Even though the would be blockbuster was a failure in relation to its (very large) budget there's a certain general bragging-rights allowance for all films that crack the magic $100 million mark. C&A's gross currently stands at $99,766,000. But that $244,000 will be hard to bridge when it's only earning $17,000 on weekdays and down to 206 theaters already. Tragedy!

• Drive crossed the $30 million mark so at least it doubled its production budget in theaters, despite not truly catching on. I'm not happy to say that we predicted this but at least the prediction came with a silver lining.

What did you see this weekend? I'm sort of dying to know if anyone of you went ringside for Hugh Jackman... or if most of you campaigned with Clooney & Co in the Oscar Primaries.