Drag Race: The Sounds of My Fury

Here, in picture form, is why I've been unable to function whenever I tried to write about RuPaul's Drag Race

somehow the blurry screenshot seemed appropriate so i didn't try again

Laganja Estranja's bottomless need for attention coupled with her lack of deserving any but mostly her limitless capacity for meaningless affectation completely broke me. As did the epic 3 hours of episode last week -- 3 hours in one single night. Turns out that's enough glitter, saturated color, and aural assault to even give Baz Luhrmann pause. But mostly it was Laganja. If I could describe in writing the clucking, mouth popping, meaningless "words" issuing from her frosted lips I would but judge Michelle Visage summed it up brilliantly in a weirdly accurate gibberish approximation of Laganja's unprocessed non-integrated robotic regurgitation of every drag vocal affectation that the show has ever produced. <-- Good lord that last sentence was a mouthful. I'm gagging on it.

Now that Laganja has sashayed away, the aural nightmare is over (the blazing fury I felt from the sounds a fictional "reality" tv character can make surprised me). And I am free to write about the show again. "Halleloo!" (er... speaking of meaningless vocal affectations!) So instead of trying to catch up we'll just proceed from the now for the sake of all of you who are watching. Cher's family members (mother Georgia Holt and son Chaz Bono) guest starred in order to be interviewed by the queens and Courtney Act basically summed of all of their reactions to the camera...

 Not that that excitement helped them focus because for the most part, they were terrible at being talk show hosts. Trinity K Bonet, who sashayed away, was the worst. She kept calling Chaz Bono "Chad" which might have been funny if it were shady but it was just basic incompetence.

Courtney, who didn't suck at TV gabbing at all, won the night with a stunning wing span (the runway theme was animals) and in addition to the feathers (Trinity) and fur (Bianca) and lion-like manes (Adore), Darienne killed it with Elephant tusks, and Ben de la Creme made a fab entrance in a fly costume... even if it tilted more Costume Shop than Cronenberg. "Help meeee"

Group Regret: Everyone at my viewing party wished they could have seen what Milk would have dressed as in this particular runway challenge. Rawr. She left too soon.

Belated Confession: I really like Joslyn Fox as a person in the workroom (if not as a competitor) so I feel bad for how roundly I was dissing her in the first couple of posts. She's not as dumb as she came off... or at least she's people smart.

You can watch the episode right here if you missed it

Are your favorites still your favorites? Or are your allegiances shifting as we rapidly approach the finale?

Linkomaniac

Pajiba Frozen/Star Wars poster mashup
Total Film now that the Weinsteins have access to their Miramax back-catalogue expect sequels. Shakespeare in Love 2 is coming at you (no, this is not a satirical Onion style post)
Variety Disney is planning a Jesse Owens biopic centered around the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. Rich subject though it will obviously be easy to slide into pandering "inspirational"
/Film at press conference James Cameron compares his Avatar sequels to The Godfather trilogy. Oh Jimmy. I love you more than just about anyone but less talking (you're no good at it!) and more filmmaking (you're great at it!)
Cinema Blend first teaser for Gregg Araki's White Bird in a Blizzard with Eva Green and Shailene Woodley
In Contention Kris Tapley's top ten list featuring Mud, All is Lost, The Place Beyond the Pines and more

small screen and miscellania
Towleroad first images from Ryan Murphy's adaptation of The Normal Heart
Slate on the big problem with Masters of Sex. I absolutely agree with this but for me the show is great enough to overcome it... which is saying a lot since Bill Masters (Michael Sheen) is the lead
BuzzFeed 24 reasons why Cher is the Queen of Twitter 

Today's Best Movie Anything!
God bless Screen Daily for uncovering this gem...

In a week when American film critics organization have been tripping over each other to bestow awardage which, even when thoughtful can feel totally boring, a Danish Film Critics group have shown the world how it's done. They've mocked themselves up in character posters a la Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac to promote their awards (on February 1st) - note their outlet instead of character name on the posters. Nymphomaniac will be eligible for their prizes since it opens for Christmas in Denmark. This makes me want to read every single damn one of these critics weekly so a job well done!

Link Flood

Slant Gravity, IMAX, and the horrors of front row seating
The Guardian a Carrie promotion stunt here in NYC. Imagine seeing this in real life.
The Verge the original teaser trailer to Star Wars is curiously light on Han Solo
Variety Destin Cretton, hot off the empathetic and special Short Term 12 may direct Glass Castle based on the bestseller with Jennifer Lawrence in the starring role
Deejay Italia Cher on Italian television calls Madonna a "magic bitch"

My New Plaid Pants Bubble Boy and Prisoners? Twins!
Boy Culture Josh Hutcherson is "mostly" straight
CHUD undeterred by those Prometheus reviews, Ridley Scott is moving ahead with Blade Runner 2 and may bring Harrison Ford along with him
/Film Darren Aronofsky promises huge complicated visual effects for his biblical epic Noah ... does that mean Matthew Libatique can finally win a cinematography Oscar? (that question is inspired by this recent divisive post on Gravity)
/Variety Toni Collette romantic comedy Lucky Them gets a distributor. This is how massive the TIFF selection  is each year. I did not even know that Toni, one of my very favorite actors, even had a movie playing there!

Finally, /Film shares the shortlists for the new Fantastic Four cast. The weird thing is that though I like nearly every actor and actress mentioned I think most of them are pretty terrible choices for those roles. Except for maybe Margo Robbie as Sue Storm. Interesting that her career is suddenly hot after a failed tv show (Pan Am). It's gotta be buzz about her sexcapades in The Wolf of Wall Street, right? I think my problem in picturing a successful Fantastic Four movie is that that comic book property has, like Wonder Woman, a retro feel. I don't mean that as a bad thing but Hollywood definitely does and they're always worry about how to young down that type of property. But that doesn't work. Some things are just "square" you know, to use an antiquated term. They need to think more along the lines of that bang-up job Marvel did interpreting Captain America for the 21st century by rooting him first so boldly in the early 20th century where he feels so natural. 

Top Ten: Song Titles That Should Be Movies

This week's top ten list is dedicated to James T, one of my fav readers and twitterers, who asked me some time ago to "pick song titles that you'd have liked to be the titles of movies that should exist." I couldn't resist the odd wildly random challenge and given that I recently hosted a karaoke party (don't ask) I'm in the mood. So here goes...This list was actually hard to make because so many songs -- even great ones -- have totally generic titles.  

TEN SONGS TITLES THAT I TOTALLY WISH WERE MOVIES

Next year can we have Fiona Apple title all the movies that come out?

Runners up: ""Extraordinary Machine, Hot Knife" or any of her album titles -Fiona Apple... and can we talk her into trying acting?, "Please Don't Make Me Too Happy" - Christine Lavin, "Backwoods Barbie" - Dolly Parton cuz she loves to write about herself so why not a fun biopic?

10 "Do You Wanna Funk" -Sylvester
And can it be a serious yet fun movie about discos and clubbing in the 1970s?  54 was so lame.

09 "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
But only if it's a romantic comedy that comes out in 2013 (like, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun would be a stupid title for a movie now but it was just right back in 1985!) . And yes I sang this at karaoke. Don't judge.

MORE AFTER THE JUMP

Click to read more ...

"Witches of Eastwick" Week!

Starts now!  Happy 25th Anniversary to The Witches of Eastwick (1987). Normal blogging will run concurrently but we'll pop on over to that supernatural New England town at least once a day this week. We'll discuss the famous vomiting scene, Michelle Pfeiffer's fruitful loins, Cher's sculptures and more. We'll also look for fun Witches-related articles online this week to share. 

But first... FUN FACTS

Title: The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
Director: George Miller of Mad Max fame. He directed every feature in that franchise and will also direct the reboot Mad Max: Fury Road to star Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron.
Release Date: June 12th, 1987
Based on: the novel of the same name by John Updike. I haven't read it but from my understanding it isn't what you'd call a "faithful" adaptation.
Legacy: The Witches of Eastwick has since been adapted into a television series a remarkable three times (only one version went to series, though) as well as a stage musical.
Movie's Running Time: 118 Minutes
Star Billing Hierarchy:

1. Jack Nicholson
   [TITLE]
2. Cher
3. Susan Sarandon
4. Michelle Pfeiffer
   [CO-STARRING] 
5. Veronica Cartwright
6. Richard Jenkins | Keith Jochim [shared title card]
7. "And Carel Struycken as Fidel"

Switcheroo: Cher's "Alexandra" role was supposed to be Susan Sarandon's and it was given to Cher without Sarandon's knowledge prior to shooting, leaving Sarandon with "Jane" instead. Sarandon was initially angry and coverage at the time suggested a very tense set. Yet Sarandon was the only Eastwick star to work with Miller again; they reteamed 5 years later for Lorenzo's Oil which won Susan her third Best Actress Oscar nomination.
Box Office: The tenth highest grossing film of 1987, just ahead of Dirty Dancing (Nobody puts These witches put Baby in a corner!)  Just below Lethal Weapon. i.e. as popular in its year as, like, Thor or Rise of the Planet of the Apes last year. It's the 2nd biggest hit movie about witches ever behind only The Blair Witch Project (1999).
Box Office Rank For Each Star's Whole Career: Jack's tenth biggest hit, Cher's second biggest hit (Moonstruck in the same year being #1), Sarandon & Pfeiffer's 5th biggest hit.

Are you ready, ladies?"

Oscar attention: 2 nominations for Score (John Williams) and Sound. Cher won the Oscar for Moonstruck released six months later and this movie couldn't have hurt; it was Her Year as they say (two #1 movies and a new platinum comeback album inbetween them titled simply "Cher")
Oscar-less: Only LaPfeiffer is Oscar-less now of the principal quartet.
Acting Kudos: Jack Nicholson took home Best Actor from the twin towers of critics awards: LAFCA and NYFCC (shared with Ironweed for which he was Oscar nominated). Nicholson, Sarandon and Cartwright all won Saturn Award nominations, too. Oddly there was zero attention from the Golden Globes despite the film being a hit prestige all star Comedy aimed at adult audiences.

Name your favorite personal "fact" about this movie in the comments. When did you first see it?