Cinematic Shame... with a "Stay Positive!" Twist

Year in Review. Every day a new wrap-up. Tonight, the "worst" of the year... 

Since we are absolutely determined to make 2017 the greatest year it could possibly be despite oppressive circumstances, let this post serve as last call for excessive negativity. Get it all out of your system in the comments, mkay? We'll also put a positive spin on these dubious "awards" for ungreat things at the movie theaters this year... 

WORST OPENING SCENE(S)
Hacksaw Ridge begins with such overworked hokey cartoonish Americana and Andrew Garfield plays his eventual pacifist hero as such a Forrest Gump style village idiot that it's something of a miracle that the movie becomes a surprisingly watchable war drama thereafter.

Even Garfield manages to turn his initially quite awful (sorry) performance around in the final hour of the film. I personally haven't seen a decent / good movie start so much like it was a terrible movie since Juno, have you?

WORST MIDDLE
Suicide Squad is so inept that it never gets past character introductions. Criticisms that it was just a movie trailer with a real movie running time proved to have deadlier aim than Will Smith's Deadshot.

Best Acting in Bad Movies, and other "Honors" after the jump.... 

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Yes No Maybe So: "Passengers"

Do you like the Passengers trailer? The film, opening December 21st, is a mainstream-aimed original. Those are not quite an endangered species (yet) even though it feels that way after this summer of numbing sequels, remakes, and franchise extensions.

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Watch Out, Titanic.... Here Comes Passengers

Or so says its director. Speaking to Entertainment Weekly, Morten Tyldum (The Imitation Game) tried to build up hype for his December release starring Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt:

Every generation has its love story. I feel like this is it. 

There are certainly similarities with Titanic. Passengers is about two, well passengers, aboard a spaceship who accidentally wake up from an iduced time suspension, 90 years into a 120 year trip. Everyone else on board is still asleep when they discover that the ship is in danger. They try to save themselves and everyone else while falling in love. Sound familiar?

Lawrence and Pratt are arguably the two biggest movie stars in their age groups, so a commercial hit is expected. But will they capture the zeitgeist like Kate and Leo? Tyldum certainly hopes so. We will find out on December 21.

Does Passengers give you blockbuster vibes? What is your definitive love story? 

Cast This: "Ocean's Ocho"

Remember that time when everyone was excited about the prospect of a female Expendables even though that action series wasn't any good in the first place? We were guilty, too. But the prospect of an all female version of another Oceans 11, not THAT sounds worthy of premature fandom.

There's one in the works right now with Sandra Bullock & Cate Blanchett headlining a la Clooney & Pitt.

The film is currently being referred to as Oceans Ocho suggesting the team of thieves is only 8 women wide this time and maybe it's taking place in some Spanish-friendly locale? We wish it were using the working title of Oceans Veinticuatro because more actresses hollaaaaa.

There are already rumors zooming around about other possible co-stars like Jennifer Lawrence (because that one needs more franchise. smh) and Gillian Anderson (a far more intriguing proposition) but nothing is set in stone since we're still talking casting and pre-production. 

1960s Cast 2000s cast

We need six more actresses to work with Bullock and Blanchett. Who would you have them be and why?

Remember that the first two iterations of this franchise had a wide range of stardom-levels, ages, and personalities so follow suit with your suggestions. Let's make it extra enticing! 

Beauty vs Beast: The Sun Also Sets

Jason from MNPP here with this week's edition of "Beauty vs Beast" - I think I must have had fever of the brain (to the lay-person that's called Kopfgeschlagen) last week because somehow I didn't take advantage of the 25th anniversary of one of my most favorite comedies of ever, Michael Hoffmann's Soapdish, the fizzy slapstick tale of backstage shenanigans at a daytime soap opera full of narcissistic psychopaths. Somewhere in the late 90s I wore out my VHS I watched this movie so many times - Soapdish is one you could stand me in front of a crowd, tell me to go, and I could perform the entire thing from start to finish, from crawdad butts to Tawny the Tweety-Bird Couturie.

The cast is to a tee in top form - even semi-cameos like Carrie Fisher's classic bitch Betsy Faye Sharon leave impressions so sharp I can summon up their character-names on command. But it's the poisonous rivalry between show queen Celeste Talbert (Sally Field) and "Nurse Nan" Montana Moorehead (Cathy Moriarty) that gives this Soap its eternal dishiness...

PREVIOUSLY With what could turn out to be her final X-Men movie we took the opportunity to say goodbye to Jennifer Lawrence's two blockbuster turns, and Katniss carried the day to the tune of about 80% of your vote - said Tom:

"I thought she was quite good in First Class (and looked great in that mod costuming). But it seems that her heart was always more focused on Katniss than Mystique. She openly expressed that she doesn't really wish to return to the role. She never seemed bored as Katniss, a complaint often lodged at her in regards to her X-Men performance."