Shanghai Surprise?

Last night while Lady Gaga was living through an entire MTV VMA evening as "Jo Calderone" her male alter ego, I began to wonder if she could ever transfer to the big screen? In the past I'd always dismissed the notion but I think she pulled off that bit of theater last night. At the very least she sure is committed. And doesn't it seem that every major pop star eventually tries the silver screen. Britney Spears, who was also honored last night, did. Remember Crossroads? She didn't. For every Cher or Justin Timberlake who make a real honest go of it, there are dozens and dozens of musicians that fail at it or do okay but move on any way and their efforts are, generally speaking, quickly forgotten.

Which got me to thinking about Shanghai Surprise, which opened 25 years ago on this very day. No joke!

Madonna and Sean Penn, the early years

...though many thought the movie was.

Shanghai Surprise was Sean Penn and Madonna's first and last film together and it premiered just a year after the media explosion that was their wedding and subsequent volatile marriage. I haven't seen Shanghai Surprise since the 80s and the only thing I remembered about it before I took a wee peek today was that Madonna played a missionary who at one point just stripped into a white slip and seduced Sean Penn.

As missionaries do.

The reason Madonna was never much of an actress is that she was always too aware of the camera. It's a bit of an irony, since great film acting is all about an actor's relationship with the camera, but they really can't show that they're aware of it unless they're wildly talented and doing so on purpose. Otherwise, the audience just gets uncomfortable. 

God Nathaniel, why are you reminding people of a rare failure?!

Still, for all of Shanghai Surprise's badness, whenever two colossal careers meet in some disastrous way that's recorded for posterity, it's kind of fun to witness / remember. Take the moment Madonna first sees Sean Penn above. She is prim and proper and he is a totally drunk, half naked man who's screaming at people in Chinese.

Madonna's only had a couple of lines before this, all of them entirely wooden. But when she stares at him in disgust and confusion, it's hard not to feel a bit sympathy as soon as you are also staring at him. Penn was already, by 1986, an acclaimed and wildly confident actor.  

And he's ACTING enough for both of them, trust.

Look at that. [Displaying tattoo] He didn't even finish the nipples on my little sweetheart!"

Have you ever seen Shanghai Surprise? Do you ever think about which pop stars could make it as actors?

Throw Some Rice, Share Some Link

Before we begin today's news roundup, we must throw some rice. From The Godfather we know that the Coppola's can throw a hell of a wedding. Wish the newlyweds well: Mrs and Mrs Sofia Coppola / Thomas Mars.

The Film Doctor on Luc Besson's Colombiana
The Wrap Pedro Almodóvar will guest direct the AFI Fest and present a 25th anniversary screening of Law of Desire (which is only Nathaniel's favorite Almodóvar, don'cha know) 
IndieWire 10 things that festival season will tell us 'bout the awards race 
Twitch Film has the trailer to the new Hrithik Roshan epic: color, musical numbers, tons of violence. Bollywood always goes all out. 

And no, I'm not sharing The Hunger Games teaser which you can see on roughly 93% of all blogs on the internet today. Someone's gotta take a stand for their .0000000000001% of the film blogging world! Basically Jennifer Lawrence runs through a forest while we learn in narration that she's good at hunting. Then she fires an arrow at the logo. That's it. Search for it yourself if you're a slave to movie marketing. Seriously, that movie: Calm down! I've never felt this exhausted by a movie trying to become an event before. It will probably work which is why movies spend so much on P&A but wouldn't it be cool if audiences got to decide which films were events AFTER SEEING THEM. 

just for fun
The New Yorker "I'm Sorry" by Paul Rudnick
Michael Musto on the VMA Tribute to Britney Spears 
YouTube Hurricane Irene brings back streaking. nsfw
Playbill OMG Carol Channing is releasing a new album at 90 years young this winter. Go see Carol Channing: Larger than Life, a new documentary, if you get a chance. It's fun. 

Ask Nathaniel...

You know the drill now, right? Throw me a question -- avoid multi-part questions or top ten lists or anything that would require a huge ass post all by itself to answer -- and I'll pick a couple of handfuls of them to answer in tomorrow's Q&A column.

"A Star is Born"... or, will be *after* the Star's baby is born.

Beyoncé announced her pregnancy at MTV's VMAs last night. I switched channels after Gaga's drag king opening number so the news got to me secondhand.

There be film fallout. The fourth feature film version of A Star is Born (2013? 2014?) is now delayed for at least nine months as Beyoncé gestates and welcomes her first child into the world. The musical, meant to be Clint Eastwood's post J Edgar project, had hoped to go before the cameras early in 2012 and with the speed that Eastwood tends to work we would have probably seen it as a Christmas 2012 release.

But now that Beyoncé is pregnant (and considering also that Leonardo DiCaprio has turned down the male lead role), this won't be happening just yet. The Beyoncé/Jay-Z babe will be born first.

Oscar-obsessives should keep a close eye on this one -- the film, not the babe. While the project seems ridiculous on the surface for both "another one?" superfluity and Eastwood + Beyoncé odd-coupledom, A Star is Born is a durable cultural object. It's always a major morphing showcase for the gifts of its leading lady. The first three incarnations resulted in 17 Oscar nominations and 3 Oscars all told including bids for Best Actress for both Janet Gaynor (1937) and Judy Garland (1954) and a Best Original Song Oscar for Barbra Streisand's "Evergreen" (1976).

Will we see Beyoncé as a Best Actress nominee in 2013 or 2014... or will she have to "settle" for a Best Song Oscar?

Introducing... Armie Hammer

Let's celebrate the Quarter-Century mark of one Armie Hammer... (happy birthday!) also known as Armand Douglas Hammer. 'He's 6'5", 220, and there's two of him.' Well, actually just one. But his twinned Social Network role as Cameron and Tyler, "the Winklevii", sure doubled tripled quadrupled    okay greatly multiplied the size of his acting career. Hammer has the Prince Charming role in Tarsem Singh's upcoming Untitled Snow White picture but we'll next see him in Clint Eastwood's J. Edgar as Clyde Tolson, the alleged longtime lover / official longtime employee of Leonardo DiCaprio's J Edgar Hoover. So there's two of Hammer this time too in a sense.

Just for fun given his newness on the scene, I thought we'd look at how Armie has been introduced in each of the feature films he has made thus far (excluding Billy Graham the Early Years which I couldn't find. Inbetween the first few features andThe Social Network he had recurring guest roles on Gossip Girl and Reaper but we've seen neither television show.) 

Introducing Armie Hammer in...

... Flicka (2006)

In Armie's film debut you can see him walking down the school hallway as "Male Prefect" as the credits are still going. In just seconds he's right near the camera and Alison Lohman is looking up at him. Them's long legs; tall people walk fast.

He says.

Catherine McLaughlin, you need to come see the headmaster.

And that's it! The whole role. Movie line = SAG card. In the credits he's sandwiched between a couple people who actually get names "Mrs Masterson" and "Gracie" just before the rodeo announcers, puppeteers and stuntmen. Auspicious beginnings.

... Blackout (2008)

Just two years later he gets his own title card, third billed, as "Tommy" in an indie thriller about three people trapped in an elevator. He's introduced mysteriously, his back turned away from the camera. Maybe he's killed the girl in the bed behind him? It's unclear but her back has some weird bloody marks on it and he's wrapping his own bloody fist. And then he dresses and loots her apartment (not nice!) before heading out to jump on his motorcycle. Armie abandons his usual preppy film look. It's amazing what a difference a haircut, earring, and tattoos can do for your look. 

... Spring Breakdown (2009)

Amy Poehler to Crowd: We're going to blow your mind with a little thing called Electric Slide."

Armie is back to namelessness in his next film as "Abercrombie Boy". He appears out of focus and all judgey in the background with one of "the Sevens", the mean sorority girls that Amy Poehler's 35 year old dog trainer is hanging with. But he eventually cheers up and starts dancing; no lines.

In the scrolling credits Armie appears between "Teen Dude" and "Hookers" (LOL) but despite the esteemed company he's keeping he does actually gets to share Amy Poehler's actual title card wherein she directly adresses him and then tongues him.

You are a pretty puppy."

Shouldn't he have have been credited as "Poehler's Pretty Puppy" instead of "Abercrombie Boy"?

... The Social Network (2010)

EXT. CHARLES RIVER - DAWN

The Harvard Crew is practicing on two-man sculls. There are three baots that are running roughly even with each other and the two-man crews are rwoing with all they've got. We're gliding along with them in the water --

A CREW MEMBER
Those guys are just freaking fast.

And we PULL BACK TO REVEAL that there's a fourth boat which is already five boat lengths ahead of the other three.

The fourth boat is being crewed by CAMERON and TYLER WINKLEVOSS -- identical twins who stepped out of an ad for Abercrombie & Fitch.

They know that the others aren't in their class and even though they're highly competitive athletes, they don't like showing anyone up, least of all their teammates.

CAMERON
Is there anyway to make this a fair fight?

TYLER
We could  jump out and swim.

CAMERON
I think we'd have to jump out and drown. 

Oh those smug Winklevii... Their Ivy League / Human Specimen superiority established we immediately cut to the news of a real competitor. The rest is movie (and legal) history.

 

When did your eyeballs first meet Armie Hammer? Are you looking forward to further introductions?