A Pizza Ranks the Celebrities Who Ate Him at the Oscars

I am no more.

But the glorious finale of my life, too brief though watched by millions, was sensual mastication in the mouths of the world's greatest beauties. My only regret, days later whether unnaturally purged or properly digested, is that I never reached the pillowy lips of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award Winner.

To Angelina... my unrequited love!

10 Ellen DeGeneres for ordering me

09 [tie] Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart for pizza is love

07 Jennifer Lawrence

06 Jared Leto who had for too long forsaken my brothers and sisters.

05 Julia Roberts you have worshipped her megawatt smile but I have known it intimately.

04 Chiwetel Ejiofor who I voted for for Best Actor; and none for you Matthew McConaughey

03 Brad Pitt who so lovingly passed out the paper plates which did cradle me in those final moments and who held me so gently as his perfect teeth pulled desperately at my cheesy surfaces. I didn't mean to resist; I just wanted the moment to last forever.

02 Kerry Washington to provide sustenance to your unborn!

01 Meryl Streep who is the best at everything. Including devouring me. 

if you ♥ pizza, share me on twitter or facebook

Red Carpet Lineup: Oscar Beauties, 86th Edition

We're almost done! Only 35 more Oscar posts before w--- No for reals though we have to talk about fashion at least briefly. There sure was a lot of granny froufrou beading fussy texture on trend this year, huh? Which works on some people but not everyone. And weirdly it doesn't work at first and then totally works by the end of the evenin on some people. By some people I mean the happy Blue Jasmine twosome, whose gowns worked really well once you saw them all snuggly together in their seats. 

SUPPORTING LADIES FIRST

America's Sweetheart 90s Edition, Sally, America's Sweetheart 10s Edition, Sensation, Squibb

I think Julia Roberts should've gone younger/sexier to combat the visual drabness of the Barbara role in August and because Jennifer Lawrence, red hot, has already stolen her Sweetheart crown (in fairness Julia abdicated the throne after her Oscar win so no one really took it from her). Sally Hawkins! (Why do I feel like her bohemian signature characters Ginger & Poppy both would not approve of what their creator is wearing?) I was going to do a poll of best dressed but I figured Lupita Nyong'o would get 100% of the votes making it the most boring poll of all time. I know this is June Squibb's favorite Christmas Party Dress getting a surprise airing in March. 

BEST ACTRESS - AKA FOUR OF THE MOST POWERFUL WOMEN IN THE BIZ

5 Times, 18 Times, 6 Times, 2 Times

Judi Dench never shows. Do you think she watches overseas?

Amy Adams has never looked better and that dress was so tight that visual effects were employed to show her jumping up to dance with Pharrell in it. Because: impossible. Meryl Streep with a little off the shoulder glam. But white blouses are risky when you're eating pizza. Cate Blanchett looking like an ethereal elf quee... hey, wait a minute. And Sandra Bullock also looking sensational. The Best Actress shortlist did the red carpet proud.

But which among them wins your "best" votes. Tough call. right? 

Stage Door: Is Kelli O'Hara Obsessed with Best Actress Losers?

Here's Jose to talk about a currently odd Broadway trend.

People like to complain about the movies running out of ideas, with only remakes and sequels in production. But the stage is no different.

Here in New York, Times Square can fool you into thinking you've fallen in a time vortex which has dropped you back in the mid-90s. Billboards for Broadway shows adapted from 1990’s movies are all over the place (The Lion King, Aladdin, Kinky Boots) and two of the newest and biggest are for Bullets Over Broadway (which starts previews next week!) and The Bridges of Madison County. The latter makes me ponder the peculiar choices of its leading lady Kelli O'Hara. Is she secretly a cinephile or actressexual?  

More after the jump (help us guess what Kelli will star in next!?) 

Click to read more ...

Oscar Night Crumbs, Mysteries and Endearments

Here we are, the final Oscar night review post. Except for the ones coming tomorrow so, um, no never mind. Can I take that intro again? The Final Oscar Night Review Post... Tonight! Tomorrow a few more tidbits. I'm still debating but I can probably keep at it longer than you can stand to read about it.

Is that a threat?"
- terrified reader.

A random collection of thoughts is the only way I'll get through this this year because my mind is more scrambled than in year's past when it comes to Oscar night. I seriously need a team like "you get this topic", "you take that one." "You! Everything Meryl, go!" (that hypohetical person wins the assignment sweepstakes obviously). Bear with me and continue the conversation in the comments. 

Ready? Here we go on the whirlwind review

Click to read more ...

Beauty Vs Beast: Death Becomes Them

JA from MNPP here, starting off a new week with a brand new round of Beauty Vs Beast! I hope everybody enjoyed the Oscars last night - there were highs (Lupita!) and there were lows (another year of ill-incorporated montages) but there is one thing we can all agree upon: seeing Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep in the same room like that made us all wish we were watching Death Becomes Her instead.

I was really hoping they'd present together, or maybe Meryl would just randomly scream out "NOW, A WARNING?" while Goldie was on-stage, or maybe Jennifer Lawrence would tumble down the theater's stairs and break into pieces in an elaborate tribute to the nearly twenty-two year old film? ...Something. Anything! Isabella Rossellini could've been carried out onto stage by some muscle men, perhaps? Alas it wasn't to be, save my imagination.

Thankfully I can trot out my imagination here, then. I give you this week's competition...

poll by twiigs.com

As always go ahead and make your cases for and against Robert Zemeckis' forever-living nut-cases in the comments, and in one week's time we'll down the potion and crown our new eternal queen.

And speaking of, crowns and queens and golden things with icy-cold skin, we've got to name our winner from last week's Frozen poll! It was pretty much a blow-out - Princess Elsa had too much diva-draw and strut herself to an easy win against her less flashy sister. As Anne-Marie said in the comments:

My vote is entirely colored by how badly I felt for Anna when I went to Disneyland in January. Literally every Elsa doll in the park was gone, so there were just all of these abandoned Anna dolls all through the park and it just made me so sad for this fictional character. Always living in her sister's diva shadow."

And so she shall remain. Team Elsa for the win!