Why Does Anyone Want the Job of Hosting The Oscars?

All That (85th Oscars) Jazz
The Big Night: Fun Arrivals, Winner's List, Jennifer Lawrence in the Press Room
The Look Back: Funniest Tweets, & Season Finale Podcast
The Fashions: Fifteen Men, The Ten Nominated Ladies, Goodbye Glamour

The Opening Monologue
As today's reviews will surely attest, Seth MacFarlane bombed badly last night in the unenviable host position. Why anyone would want the job is beyond me. Occasionally someone will get 'good job' reviews (Hugh Jackman, Billy Crystal, etcetera) but those positive reviews almost never come directly after the show but later in context once they're sized up in memory against newer worse hosting gigs. Nearly everyone gets mixed to negative reviews in the moment. Fact: people love to hatewatch the Oscars. To his credit (eep), MacFarlane understood this and even attempted to get out in front of the criticism by mocking it. In his interminable opening monologue (18 minutes!) he was visited from the future by Captain Kirk (William Shatner) - a joke more suited to the Emmys which he'd be a better host of given that he's a television personality -- who showed him the headlines from the next morning.

It was funny because it was true. But the gag continued. As the monologue progressed his reviews improved until he got somewhere around "mediocre". It wasn't funny because it wasn't true. [Editor's Note: The "worst" part isn't true. That title will obviously and forever belong to James Franco who couldn't be bothered to show (in spirit) though he undoubtedly cashed the check.] 

See, Captain Kirk was right. His jokes were "inappropriate and offensive" and we all DID wish it were Tina & Amy hosting instead (a weird shoutout to the Golden Globes, which were without question the highlight of this awards season as televised events go though Oscar Night usually plays "no comment" on that precursor). Worse than MacFarlane's fratboy jokes though was that the humor seemed entirely centered around HIM, as if we were watching The Oscars to send 3½ hours with MacFarlane and not with the biggest movie stars in the world. Oops. Somehow doesn't know why people tune in to the Oscars.

Each year the media and the producers and even the general public play a little complicit game of "OOOH, ____ IS HOSTING AND NOW WE'RE EXCITED". But it's never the hosts. It's the movies and the movie stars! Mostly the hosts do best when they show up for brief intervals and make a funny but stay out of the way so we can gawk at stars and remember the year's most celebrated pictures and, for the less devoted, make a mental grocery list of movies we want to see now. 

Perhaps Captain James T Kirk can tell us if any future Oscar Producers and Hosts figure that out.

The three most terrible moments:

1. That joke about Quvenzhané and Clooney. I've since blocked it out but I have a vague memory of being offended.
2. Flight reenacted with sock puppets. (Somehow there was a lot of laughter in the Dolby. Please tell me that was a laugh track and not actual enjoyment)
3. That weird flying nun / seducing Sally Field skit. 

So as not to be a total downer --  I enjoy the Oscars even when they're lame! --  here were a few things I think worked about Seth's performance.

1. He sings well. His love of musicals was obvious and gave us fun expected moments like Charlize Theron (originally a dancer) and Channing Tatum dancing together and even a kickline with Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Daniel Radcliffe who both have a song & dance man inside of them.
2. As stupid as that "we saw your boobs" number was -- it would have been much funnier if it were shorter -- the actresses who filmed reaction shots were good sports with solid comic timing and the Kate Winslet punchline was great. (Oh shut up, I bet she laughed from home). In an evening full of dumb jokes, inevitably some of them will land. 
3. Later in the show when he wasn't taking up so much space he was better. His introductions were sometimes amusing (loved the Channing Tatum / Jennifer Aniston intro) and I especially enjoyed the "needs no introduction" introduction for you know who, didn't you? I mean, she doesn't! 

Do you have against-the-grain kind words for Seth MacFarlane or are you already making a mental list of 500 celebrities who would have done a better job last night? (If so care to share a few of them?) 

And why does anyone want the job of hosting -- beyond the cash -- given that it's rather like having a worldwide target on your tuxedo'ed back? 

P.S. Don't forget to like The Film Experience on Facebook. Please and thx

For Your Consideration: The William Hurt Honor

Moi?

Dear Nathaniel,

In lieu of gifts this holiday season, I wanted to campaign for the inclusion of a new category in the Film Bitch Awards called:

The William Hurt Honor.

For those scene-stealers whose roles are too large to be cameos, and who really have no purpose in their respective films other than to just show up and have a fuck ton of fun.

________

And this year, You can honor the man who made us laugh immorally in a morality play.

The man whose strut puts drag queens to shame.

The man cool enough to have the Stones introduce him everywhere he goes.

He might show up to the party, but don't worry:

 

He's on the list, baby girl.

With love, 

Beau

Lincoln, Sky Fall, Oscar Rumble... ♫

... we will stand tall... and face it all together ♩

NEW PODCAST 
Let Oscar season begin. In the latest tightest hottest edition of the podcast, Nick (Nick's Flick Picks), Joe (Low Resolution) and Katey (Cinema Blend) join me, Nathaniel, to talk four new movies: Steven Spielberg's Oscar buzzing Lincoln, box office devouring Skyfall, utterly baffling Holy Motors and the wildly uneven Flight. 

We also take a moment to pay homage to Jodie Foster and each of our favorite performances by her on the week of her 50th birthday and before the Golden Globes shower her with praise via the Cecil B DeMille award.

You can download the podcast on iTunes or listen right here at the bottom of the post. But, as always, the podcast isn't complete without your voice. Talk back to us in the comments!

Lincoln, Bond, Jodie, Denzel

Dr. Link

Columbia Journalism Review looks back at a watershed moment in celebrity profiles: Truman Capote meets Marlon Brando
The Film Doctor thinks Wreck-It Ralph is more corporate brainwashing for profit
Movieline Brad Pitt turns furniture designer. Unfortunately you can't see the show which is in New York next week if you're not in the design industry -- I looked it up after treading this; private appointments only 
Awards Daily Soundworks profiles Flight. How many Oscar noms will that film win? 
Studio Briefing Daniel Craig's "get me outta this" feelings for Bond since day one -- I'm amused by how seriously people are taking these comments. Please, it's not like he's going to quit just yet.

My New Plaid Pants a double o version of Do Dump or Marry shook and stirred me. So hard to answer!
Coming Soon It seems like Channing Tatum has as many movies coming out next year as he did this year! New pics from White House Down 
Cinema Blend the last star-laden version of Les Misérables, which was stupidly not the musical at the time,  comes to DVD in time for Christmas. Remember that one? Uma Thurman is Fantine and Liam Neeson is Jean Valjean
Family Room Gary Ross not at all sad that he walked away from The Hunger Games
/Film the beloved (but sometimes reviled) indie comic hit Elfquest from the 70s and 80s is still trying to become a movie. Fans who made a short film type trailer are hoping to be the ones to accomplish it. I'm a bit confused by their short though since it only features the female elves. It has to be a measure of Elfquest's impact that I recognized every single character... and not like distant memories either.

Today's Watch...
Well, if you have a couple of hours to spare that is...

Good concept though. They've linked up the Bond films chronologically, and then used roughly five minutes of film from each in sequential order to create a FrankenBond movie.

Tarzan, Lord of the Links

TMZ Carrie Fisher 'damn right she wants to be in Star Wars Episode VII'
Pajiba '11 Heir Apparent Brit Actors to Hugh Grant's Hair.' Hee
Vanity Fair photographs Olivia Munn! (Q: Wasn't she superb in Magic Mike? A: Yes) 
i09 Jeff Bridges was always going to play The Giver. He finally has a director. Maybe. 
Awards Circuit likes Lionsgate's chances in two of the lead acting categories 

The Envelope Skyfall would like a Best Picture nomination, please
All Things Twitter killed the fail whale on election night
Towleroad Barack Obama's election night tweet becomes the most popular tweet of all time
Joe Pitt is sharing concept art from Wreck-It Ralph. You can see the evolution of the new hit character
Hollywood.com celebrates Movember with dos and don't of the moustache via celebrity photos. The only time I've ever done a 'stache was for a Halloween costume and my god it was a terrible look for me! Never again.
BuzzFeed pays tribute to the fallen on Walking Dead (spoilers). I stopped watching the show halfway through Season 2 (exactly like Season 1 only slower!) but people seem to like Season 3 
HitFix thinks that Flight is now a legit Oscar contender. It's not just for Best Actor anymore... 
The Broadway Blog looks at the reviews for The Heiress on Broadway starring Jessica Chastain 

Finally, Warner Bros still wants to reboot the once very lucrative Tarzan franchise... and David Yates (who directed the last half of the Harry Potter franchise) is their man for the job. I'd caution them that maybe today's moviegoers don't care about Tarzan. I know personally that everytime I try to generate interest in Tarzan (I have a soft spot for those movies) comments seem to vanish. The last time anybody got seriously excited about Tarzan, in my recollection, was Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan Lord of the Apes -- the only "prestige" Tarzan to date -- and that was nearly 30 years ago. Sure the Disney version in 1999 was a hit but it also was the fumes at the tail end of Disney's second Golden Age and Disney animated features have never been quite the same afterwards. They're already talking about name actors but if you ask me they'd be crazy not to go with an unknown. Tarzan the character is, by nature, a discovery.