Red Carpet: Serious Actresses, Voices of Reason, Flamboyant Firemen.

For this week's red carpet convo, Your Movie Buddy Kurt is back to chat with Nathaniel and we're joined by special guest Guy Lodge from In Contention! We're discussing a couple handfuls of usually cross-platform celebrities who hit the Tony Awards.

‪Kurt: ‬ ‪i should say first that i did not watch the show‬
Guy: ‬ ‪That makes two of us!‬
Kurt: ‬ ‪but i did see NPH's opening number. killer.‬
Nathaniel: Here we go... soak it in.

TAMMY BLANCHARD, PACINO, FRANCES & WHOOPI

Guy: WOW where to even begin?
Nathaniel: Let's start at the obvious place. Make up a show in your head that allows for all of these looks to happen. A schizo show it might be...

[long pause]

Guy: ‬ ‪I'm imagining a revisionist take on the Wizard of Oz where a washed-up tennis star, a washed-up Lilith Fair singer-songwriter and a washed-up Julianna Margulies body double all join forces to seek guidance from an all-knowing, black-clad sorceress -- except instead of lacking heart-brain-courage, they simply all lack style. And a mirror.‬
Kurt: ‬ way to make Whoopi the magical negro.
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪I love you, Guy. You've even brought us full circle to TAMMY BLANCHARD's original calling card: that Judy Garland miniseries aeons ago! Tammy is in a sparkly blue number here. I don't think we can top Tom & Lorenzo's comment "serving drag queen realness." But Tammy is a biological woman.
Kurt: She's really out of place here. Has my taste level plummeted or does she look pretty ok?‬
‪
[silence]

wow. ouch.‬
‪Guy: ‬ ‪That she's also the best dressed person here doesn't bode well.‬
Nathaniel‪: ‬ ‪Well, I've started with dessert - this is as crazy as it gets.‬
‪Kurt: ‬ ‪fo realz‬. I really want to talk about Frances but we should probably move left to right.
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪We can hop around. Something is telling me that FRANCES MCDORMAND wouldn't mind that breach of etiquette as she showed up to an awards show in a jean jacket!
‪
‪Guy: ‬ ‪On reflection, I think Whoopi's actually the best-dressed here -- because she looks more like herself than any of the others. You know she only dresses to amuse herself.‬
Kurt: She's amusing me, too.
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪Is that how you explain WHOOPI GOLDBERG's Queen Elizabeth Oscar look?‬
‪Guy: ‬ ‪Totally. And remember that purple dress with green leggings she wore to the Oscars one year? Frankly, if she pitched up dressed in a sleek Prada number, I'd be worried about her.‬
Kurt: ‬ ‪very true‬

Nathaniel: ‬ ‪Perhaps one can say the same for Frances, who clearly cannot be bothered to project FAMOUS MOVIE STAR and instead opts for THEATER COMPANY EARTH MOTHER‬
Kurt: ‬ ‪this look is absolutely nuts.
Guy: ‬ ‪She clearly wants to show how serious she is about her craft that she can't be bothered with all this glam-up business... but come on.‬
Kurt: ‬ ‪it's a little tooo defiant‬.
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪I was talking to Joe Reid earlier today and he said that he wanted to go on record.‬ 'Make sure someone defends Frances McD' he says. I'm like "ON WHAT GROUNDS?!" and he says "That she's Frances McDormand and can do as she pleases"
Guy: ‬ ‪Well, she's Frances McDormand and we love her, but that's as far as the defence goes.‬ Remember the navy dress she wore when she won the Oscar? It was simple and sensible and got the same message across without being fugly.‬
Nathaniel‪: ‬ ‪True Story: I once had a jean jacket and painted Annie Lennox on the back of it (circa SAVAGE cd) and wore it everywhere and everyday. But i don't know that I would have pulled it out for awards night.‬
‪Kurt: ‬Should Frances turn around then?
Guy: ‬‪Yes, in fairness, we can't see what's on the back of Frances's leather jacket.‬
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪Ha. I think she mentioned some hippie rock band being on that stage last time she was in this very theater.‬. I forget who. Maybe I'm mischaracterizing.
Kurt: from the waist up, she's on her way to see a hippie rock band.
Nathaniel: also she's in Transformers: Dark of the Moon so maybe SHE HAD TO DO THIS to reestablish her Serious Thespian cred.
Guy: ‬ ‪If it has "SUCK IT, VANESSA REDGRAVE" on the back or her jacket in iron-on letters, she's totally forgiven.‬
Kurt: ‬ ‪HAHA
‪Nathaniel: ‬ Frances nears the triple crown -- just the Emmy remains -- but ‪Vanessa is a triple crowner already
Guy: ‬ ‪As she should be‬

Nathaniel: As is AL PACINO. Do you think anyone would notice if Whoopi and Pacino traded headgear?‬
Kurt: ‬ ‪i really like guy's washed up tennis star notion; however, i can never look at Al anymore without thinking of Roy Cohn, and here, Roy just got back from a tryst and still has the dude's underwear on his head‬
Nathaniel: ‪That is so wrong Kurt... so so wrong.‬
Guy: ‬ ‪Whoopi's hat would help Al's look -- if only because it could fall over his face and he'd be spared the embarrassment of being recognised.‬
Nathaniel: Was there a hairplug incident? He had to mprovise last minute and Whoopi would just not trade!‬
Guy: ‬ ‪Maybe the hair is ATTACHED to the hairband.‬
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪...serving drag queen fierceness‬.
‪Kurt: ‬ ‪is that the evening's theme?‬
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪no, sadly.‬
Kurt: ‬ ‪because frances would be lip-synching for her mother effin life‬

Guy: ‬ ‪Aside from the headband, though, what's up with the ill-fitting suit? He looks like a teenager wearing his older brother's tux to the prom.‬
Kurt: ‬ I was gonna say. Sadly, the vest is actually the outfit's worst feature. it's blinding me‬ and it's enormous.
Nathaniel: ‬ ‪Incidentally since you guys missed the show. Frances's acceptance speech was kinda awesome if a little braggy. She said she's played both Stella and Blanche‬ AND ALL THREE OF CHEKHOV'S SISTERS.
Guy: ‬ ‪Rub it in, Frances.‬
Kurt: ‬ That's not easy to boast while wearing that. Rock star.
‪Nathaniel: ‬ ‪and then implied she thinks this role she won for in "Good People" would one day join the canon of "great parts"‬
Guy: ‬ ‪Yeah, bet she said that about "Handler" in Aeon Flux.‬

BOBBY CANNAVALE & SON, NPH & JACKMAN: DUELING HOSTS, DAVID BURTKA

IT'S NOT OVER! keep reading for...  Catherine Zeta-Jones inner fire (plus super gay firemen!), and Viola Davis as "the Voice of Reason."

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Red Carpet: MTV Girls, Super Empathy, and Lively Nudity

Previously on red carpet lineup Nathaniel and Jose discussed Cannes gowns and Kurt and Nathaniel chatted about the annual Met Gala. In today's episode, Nathaniel and Jose discuss the MTV Movie Awards fashion.

Nathaniel: ‬ ‪This time we're starting a bit "off cinema" -- although calling the MTV Movie Awards cinema related is a stretch -- for a brief look at the CDFA Awards held this week in New York City.‬

Lady Gaga, Lady Watts, Lady Sevigny, Housewife Marcia

Jose: ‬ ‪Wait, is that the thing where Gaga is? I assumed this lineup was the MTV awards too. Ha. I obviously missed both ceremonies

Nathaniel:‬ ‪Yep. The Council of Fashion Designers honored the industry's biggest designers as is their habit. But they also gave an award to Lady Gaga. Isn't giving Gaga a fashion award kind of like giving Angelina Jolie a Fame Award. Like...

"Congratulations: You are You!!!"

Jose: ‬ ‬ ‪She should receive fashion awards at the Cattle Salesman Council, not the fashion council.‬
She's always so coy about it, like "oh, you think I'm special?", I hate that. ‪Despite my love of McQueen I personally think that you should be able to "wear" fashion and these awards should go to people who encourage that‬

Nathaniel:‬ I hesitated to include Gaga in the Lineup o Actresses because lord knows the woman CANNOT act (see: music videos and SNL). I wish so bad that she'd make a movie because people would finally stop kicking Madonna for her shaky thespian tendencies. But I have a larger point to make.‬

Which is that if you're attending such a thing, shouldn't you do what Chloe Sevigny and Marcia Cross are doing and NOT what Naomi Watts is doing? Something eyepopping or you might as well be wallpaper.

Jose: To be honest, I'd rather have my Naomi fix in this wallflower-ish type, cause she's made some hideous choices in the past‬. Remember that dress she wore to the Oscars that made her look like King Kong had recently attacked her? This is careless copying, though. This is essentially what Gwynnie wore to the Oscars this year, but short and shapeless.

Nathaniel:‬ And bland. Here's the thing with blond actresses that are not particularly unusually eye-popping in some way. They're like grains of sand on the beach. There are millions of others with whom you are indistinguishable unless you're giving it a little something extra.‬ Naomi overcompensates onscreen sometimes by ACTING but undercompensates on the red carpet.

Jose: I say let's pull a Freaky Friday on Gaga and Naomi.

Nathaniel: !!! Wonderful idea.

Jose: Gaga looking human would be more surprising than anything else.

Nathaniel: Totes. I keep waiting for her to have her own "Live to Tell" moment where suddenly she's just in a simple flowery dress with pretty hair. That was SO shocking at the time for Madonna.‬ That's got to happen eventually.

Jose: ‬ ‬ ‪I'd love to see what she wore when she was just plain old "Gaga from the block", even Madge is down to earth now (in Louis Vuitton of course)‬

Nathaniel: I like that Chloe's top feels rubbery and sentient and winged... I suddenly picture her as Professor X's love Empress Lilandra of the Shi'Ar but I have mutants on the brain.

Jose: That makes total sense. She wouldn't even need CGI to display weird powers.‬

Lilandra and Dazzler of late 70s/early 80s X-Men fame

Nathaniel:‬ ‪Heh. I know I've said this very recently in another red carpet post but everyone is conspiring to make me think of 70s DAZZLER from the X-Men lately.

Jose: ‬ ‪Marcia looks stunning. I'm pretty sure she's looked the same since the 70's, maybe she's a mutant herself‬.

Nathaniel: These sparkly disco jumpsuits! There needs to be an X-Men Origins: Dazzler movie to fully bring back the 1970s. Fashion is trying to take us there anyway.‬

Jose: And I'd love to see Cross in a catfight with Jennifer Lawrence. ‪I say, let's put 'em all in rollerskates and have ourselves a Xanadu-Men: First Class!‬

Nathaniel: Damnit. Now I have to go masturbate.

Jose: LOL. It's too early for that here.

Nathaniel: Self-love knows no time zones!‬ Speaking of masturbatory.... let's move on to the MTV Twilight Awards.‬

Jose: ‬ ‬ ‪Ew, fine.

Nathaniel:‬ ‪This first lineup of lovely ladies demonstrates to us that it's A) summer at last B) short skirts are in.‬

Emma Watson, Mini-Dakota, Emma Stone, KStew, Queen Reese

Jose:  ‬ ‪I remember the time when the fine people of the planet voted for movies like Scream and Lord of the Rings in those awards, heck they even gave Nicole Kidman a trophy for Moulin Rouge! when Oscar ignored her‬

Nathaniel:‬ ‪I was just talking about this to a friend yesterday at lunch. You sound like an old curmudgeon when you say: back in my day they used to vote for good movies! but in this case it's not nostalgia, it's plain-ass facts.

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Cannes Glamour Finale ~ 23 Talents To Ogle

*Sniffle* Take one long last longing look. You might not see this much glittery movie talent assembled again until the Golden Globes. Today there is no red carpet conversation for the lineup -- all of my blogging friends have vanished (was it The Rapture?) -- other than what you bring to the comments.

Twenty-three more to wrap up.

Left to right: Audrey Dana who was so awesome in Roman de Gare - remember that?, Ultimate being Milla Jovovich, statuesque jury queen Uma Thurman, and sexy French bitches Ludivine Sagnier & Raphaël Personnaz.

Left to right: Antonio Banderas had a good fortnight, didn't he? Ryan Gosling went blue but Drive was red hot, Jude Law juried (winners coming at'cha tomorrow), and Saïd Tagmaoui walked the red carpet (he'll finally be back on the big screen in Conan the Barbarian but given that he speaks four languages and is a very good actor he should be in like 5 or 6 big movies a year, don't you think?)

Left to right: Jessica Chastain (Tree of Life), Slumdog lovers Dev Patel & Freida Pinto, leaning tower of Gwen Stefani, and Goldie Hawn who hasn't changed her hairstyle, sleeve or neckline preference in about 26-27 years now.

Left to right: Zhang Ziyi is still alive, Zoe Saldana is the most delicious candy cane we've seen in years, the hilarious Missi Pyle is in The Artist (Yay!), Courtney Love is still alive and Linda Cardellini is looking more like a movie star than we remember her ever looking before.

Left to right: Janet Jackson, our favorite constantly absent filmmaker (female division) Jane Campion and her 17 year old (?) actress daughter Alice Englert, and the incomparable Tilda Swinton who might possibly win Best Actress tomorrow for We Need To Talk About Kevin. 

FINIS

Cannes Goddesses Pt. 1: A Red Carpet Conversation

Jane Fonda. She Knows She Rules.Last time on red carpet lineup Kurt and Nathaniel chatted about the annual Met Gala. This time out, Jose and Nathaniel are discussing the first few days of Cannes international fashion parade. Find out which actress Nathaniel is starting a religion to worship and which audition tape Jose dreams of seeing.

Nathaniel: Hello Jose. I must know. Before I throw dresses at you if you've been following Cannes 64 at all?

‪Jose: ‬ ‪Hi! Well yes, but mostly for the dresses actually, considering most of us mortals never get to see all those movies they talk about over there.‬

Nathaniel: ‪So though you're a cinephile, for Cannes you're rather like the very casual Oscar watcher then?
It being all about the gowns?

‪Jose: ‬ ‪Sadly, yes. I blame distributors!‬

Nathaniel: The perfect scapegoat.

Jose: ‬ ‪At least they can't take fashion away from us.‬

‪Nathaniel: ‬ ‪True. Or movie stars for that matter.‬ Even when the movies aren't there anymore you're still a legend for the purposes of the red carpet. Like Faye Dunaway...

FAN BINGBING, MAIWENN LE BESCO, FAYE DUNAWAY, SJP, PENELOPE CRUZ

‪Jose: ‬ ‪I love that they're paying tribute to her in Cannes.

Nathaniel: ‬ ‪It does feel like a reevaluation is coming. Or at least a revival. Even Mommie Dearest... you don't hear people dissing that performance anymore so much as voicing the theory that gonzo acting ruined her career.‬

Jose:  Absolutely, but I think she'll do more serious work. She's even quoting Meryl Streep in interviews!

Nathaniel:  I don't know enough about fashion to know what type of dress this is but gossamer modest flowy light things always make me think of ghosts in Victorian mansions... or Stevie Nicks. Who is also back!

Jose:  Faye looks so graceful. Stevie rocks! But I think the new queen of ghost wear is that Florence from the Machine lady.

Nathaniel:  This is the part of most celebrity discussions where I would start singing

the dog days are over
the dog days are done
can you hear the horses
because here they come

and then someone would snark about Sarah Jessica Parker.

BUT we both like SJP. So there.

Jose:  "Like"? I'm obsessed with her! People can say whatever they want about her face and Sex and the City but the woman is a red carpet visionary! This Elie Saab dress is proof of that. I love how she's been trying to bring back the 70s lately (with her in charge of Halston and everything...)

Nathaniel: I will say that this dress looks MUCH better in motion than it does in a still photograph. Because here it look just... too much. Too much fabric for a tiny diva. But she definitely is a risk-taker. And bringing back the 70s is going well for her if red carpet looks from other women are to be believed.

Jose:  Maybe she was paying tribute to Faye. too?

Nathaniel:  I hope everyone is with her face plastered on all the posters. Incidentally she wore this dress to the premiere of Peter Chan's Wu Xia and the only unfortunate thing about inviting international fashion icons to your premiere is that your stars get ignored.

Jose:  Smart move in case everyone hates the movie, no?

Nathaniel:  Well sure but this movie stars Takeshi Kaneshiro, Kara Hui and Tang Wei and I haven't seen one photo of any of them, yet. And they were there as this video proves!!!

Jose:  Maybe they were hiding from the cameras under Sarah's ample dress.

Nathaniel: Heh. One thing that happens with celebrity photo feeds is if someone of SJP's fashion stature shows to any "smaller" event, the event is often completely ignored. Even in the headlines. It's weird.

Jose:  Shh, don't say that, people will hear you and SJP won't be invited to things anymore! I had no idea Tang Wei was in new movies. I had started to assume she'd pulled off a Falconetti on us and retired after Lust, Caution.

Fan Bingbing at the "The Tree of Life" premiereNathaniel: I always include Fan Bingbing in red carpet lineups because she really wears a deep groove in the Cannes carpet each year. I can't imagine the size of her luggage. How do you ship entire closets?

Jose:  I have no idea what this woman does for a living but being beautiful seems to be enough.

Nathaniel:  She's an actress, silly. I ignore the models and celebutantes, even when I like what they're wearing.

Jose: She was featured in every option of a "Best Dressed in Cannes" poll, the other day. Maybe entire fleets carry her dresses?

Nathaniel: She never seems to repeat colors styles fabrics. I think maybe mice and birds sew her into custom-made gowns each evening.

Jose:  Magic!  Must be hard being under so much sartorial pressure. No wonder she rarely smiles...

Nathaniel:  I had to include Mäiwenn Le Besco (Crouching Tigress) in the photo above.

Jose: Crouching Tigress, Obvious Drunkard! Girls seems to be enjoying her champagne. Who does that on a red carpet?

Mäiwenn ... actress, director, Diva PlavalagunaNathaniel: Heh. Maybe she's reminding everyone that she wields cameras these days. I saw her last movie The Actress' Ball and it was extremely self-indulgent but also intermittently hilarious and obsessed with actressing so I respect her. When I was interviewing Ludivine Sagnier last month that movie even came up.

I'm always secretly thrilled when Mäiwenn shows anywhere because I love explaning to people that she's the blue opera diva  from The Fifth Element and shocking them. Bam! Are you freaked?

Jose:  VERY. I always assumed that was a man!

I can't believe you're not letting me talk about Pé yet.

Nathaniel: Your wish is granted.

Jose:  Sigh. Nat, I kid you not. I didn't want her to do Cannes because I was afraid she'd disappoint me. Mrs. Bardem has been doing some weird ass red carpet choices, post baby Leo. But I'm actually in love with this.

  At first I thought she'd gone all out on Cannes (they love nudity there) and actually had had people paste tiny rocks and fabrics to her body.

Nathaniel:  Split opinion here. I think this color is three kinds of wrong on her. I'm not fond of nudity unless it's actually nudity.

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"Savage Beauty" A Red Carpeted Conversation.

I felt like the red carpet lineup feature needed a rethink so let's make it a conversation instead. I've enlisted Kurt from Your Movie Buddy to chat with today. This is but a small sampling from this week's big event which seemingly hundreds of celebrities attended. But we're only talking about 18 of them.

SEVIGNY, FANNING, LOPEZ, PINTO

Nathaniel:  The Met's annual Costume Institue Gala has been nicknamed the "Oscars of the East Coast" in the past -- everyone goes -- so I figure we should uh, say something, though predictions cannot apply. Nobody wins anything except for maybe your oohs and aahs.

Hi Kurt!

Kurt:  Hi Nathaniel! I was not aware of such a nickname, but okay. I'm all for lavish attire and oohs and ahhs. As for the first quartet of ladies you've provided, shall we go through them one by one?

Nathaniel: Two by two because... Chloë Sevigny and Freida Pinto. Don't they seem like inverted images. The theme was "Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty" I think -- there's always a theme. Wouldn't it be great if Oscar had a theme each year?

Kurt: They have unofficial themes -- remember when everyone wore red in 2008? "Savage Beauty," eh?

Nathaniel: What's with the ties (?) and the black and white reversed?

Kurt: There's not much savagery in the Sevigny-Pinto duet, unless you count Chloe's 'do. The inversion is interesting. I feel like it's part of a trend I'm not privy to, as both of these ladies seem to be on fashion's cusp. As for who wore it best -- I'm Team Freida.

Nathaniel:  Vote Split! As for women in ties, I would like to vote for Diane Keaton circa Annie Hall in absentia and perpetuity.

Kurt:  Of course. for the record, though, I am a HUGE Chloe fan

Nathaniel:  True story. When i was a little kid I thought it was pronounced "shlow" and my friends never never never let me live it down.

Kurt:  In that case, I imagine you would've had a helluva a time with SEVIGNY

Nathaniel:  LOL. no not Sevigny herself. Just her namesake. But when one says they are a fan of Chloë that can mean SO many things. Don't you think she has kind of a schizo fan base like acting, fashion iconery, polygamist cult-obsessives, drag queens... So what kind of Chloe fan are you?

Kurt: Very schizo fan base indeed. I'm of the opinion that if you like Chloë S., we can prob. be friends. She has a very specific coolness. Me? I'm a fan of the actress first, the fashion icon second, and whatever else she's into third.

Nathaniel:  Is "whatever else she's into" a reference to Brown Bunny because this isn't that kind of blog!!!

Kurt:  Haha! I'm going to admit I've never seen that. I've heard it's such a slog, and I feel like I'd only be watching for the BlowJ part. Not that that's not worth seeing, I just feel like I'll let it keep its lore and mystique. Besides, I'm certainly no Vincent Gallo completist.

Nathaniel:  Fair enough. I worry for people who are. Is it fair to say that you're a fan of Dakota Fanning -- I know you liked her Runaways work -- or am I being too pushy about recruiting? She needs some support given The Rise of Elle.

Kurt:  I'm definitely a Dakota fan. She's one of my favorite young stars to watch. The whole evolution thing is really fun when the star is actually a big talent. I feel the same way about Saorsie Ronan (who suggests future Blanchett chameleonism in Hanna). I remember thinking in that awful movie Push, which Dakota totally ran away with, that she has all sorts of Jodie Foster parallels. I think she will be a star until she's dead.

Nathaniel:  Are you suggesting that Elle will have to kill her to dethrone her? I hate what Dakota is wearing here. But moving on... I only included Jennifer Lopez because she's "relevant" again (damn you American Idol) DON'T MAKE ME TALK ABOUT HER.
 
Kurt:  Oh no, we MUST. JLo is a perpetual red carpet fiasco, which is so funny because she's obsessed with fashion. Here we have another mess...

[long pause]

Nathaniel:  I've half typed seven different jokes and can only raise a white flag. JLo has defeated me. I have nothing to say.

Kurt: Was one of them "bondage gardener?" I was so excited when I saw her in the lineup. She is the queen of excess, which I guess is appropriate but MY GOD. It's always the antithesis of "take something off before you leave." And this getup looks so effing uncomfortable.

Nathaniel:  But does it look Savage? Or Beauty-ful?

Kurt:  I'll give her Savage.  Savage Garden

Nathaniel:  Heh. These lineups are very random except when I wanted to pair people.

KRUGER, MICHELE, IMAN, ZEEEEEE, MENDEZ

And I have to say this about both Zeéeeee and Eva Mendes. You have to give them points for tenacity. Whatever their onscreen merits, I feel like they both have death grips on their fame. They're just not going to give up. Eva's look screams very sophisticated key party to me. As for Zeéeeee, well she is fairly reliable as red carpet stars go.

Kurt:  (Oh, that inescapable pout...) Interesting point about death grips. Eva rides high on sexiness, which is definitely what keeps her working

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