Red Carpet Convos: Critics Choice Easter Eggs

Awards season is truly upon us. The red carpets are unfurled and waiting for the glitterati to trample them. Tomorrow night is the Golden Globes (we'll be here live-blogging it old' style if you'd like to join us!) but for now one last look back at the Critics Choice Awards held Thursday night. For this edition of Red Carpet Convos I've invited Joanna Robinson from Pajiba to join me. Joanna is a longtime reader of The Film Experience (she even won a contest once years ago!) and a delightful person, too. 

Nathaniel: Hey Joanna. Welcome. Let's start with the pastel field and uh... HAPPY EASTER!?!

Olsen, Pyle, Woodley, Miller, and Kruger

Joanna:  ‪As faberge as Elizabeth Olsen looks, I think she looks better than her "fashion plate" sisters have looked in years‬.

Nathaniel: ‪Give her time. If the Olsens practice hand-me-down fashions she's in trouble.‬ 

Joanna:  ‪I see burlap sacks in your future, girl!‬ Also, whoever designed Diane Kruger's dress hates both women and their anatomy.

This is Joanna! Go read her stuff.Nathaniel:  ‪Speaking of women and their anatomy. We've gone so "exotic" for this red carpet convo. I'm speaking to a biological woman.‬ 

Joanna:  ‪I have anatomy!‬ 

Nathaniel: What IS going on with that dress though. It's like her breasts are being caged in.

Joanna:  ‪And around her, um, lady garden?  Are those horns?  I am baffled.‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪I was thinking it was a rare moment of restraint. The designer wanted to ‬‪trap her vagina in as tight as her breasts but decided to go "subtle"‬ 

Joanna:  ‪Speaking of subtlety, I actually think Missi Pyle looks lovely.  Really sweet.‬

Nathaniel: Agreed. Though sweet, lovely, and subtle aren't the adjectives I normally think of with Missi for which I entirely blame her for being so convincing and hilarious as a crude perpetually drunk and horny partier in Spring Breakdown. Tell me you've seen it!

Joanna:  ‪I haven't!  But her larger than life performances in Dodgeball and Big Fish are enough to make me a Pyle fan.  And her Lina Lamont impression in The Artist was perfection.‬ 

Nathaniel: Yes. I almost wanted there to be sound just so she could say "I CAINNNNNNtSTANNIT."‬

Funereal Black, Dashing Men, and "Team Help" after the jump...

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Carpet Convo: New Years Eve & War Horse

Nathaniel: R‪eaders. Welcome back to red carpet convos... It's been forever since we did one which you may interpret as Nathaniel tripping on his heels or stars not bringing it to events or, more accurately, time management issues. But I was actually on a red carpet this week so I figured it was time to reboot the series. Let's start with the glitziest red carpet which was for New Year's Ev‬e. A carpet I was not on. 

Jose: But you should've been! At least to congratulate Lea Michele for not doing one of her obnoxious red carpet faces.

Nathaniel: ‪She seems to be going for some World Record for most photographed (2010-2011). Every time you see events like this the photographers seem to snap 100 photos of her to every 4 of anyone els‬‬e. You'd think she was the star of a TV phenom or something.

Lea, Hilary, Abby, Zac, 'chelle

I love ...but I have a thing for Broadway Babies. Always have. Other things I have a thing for: plunging necklines and champagne dresses on brunettes.

Jose: ‪I find her obnoxious but LOVE the dress and the hair. I think it's the first time where i have no objection whatsoever to how she looks. She often ‪looks too severe and constipated, this is perfect though. Makes me want to go drink with ‬her.

Nathaniel: Hilary wants to go with you guys. "Pick me!"

Jose: She's not invited. The two of them together would be too annoying. 

Nathaniel: But, awwww, she seems so... eager.

Jose: Well she should. Isn't she doing her "forgive me for loving dictators" tour right now?

Nathaniel: I must have the concert tee!

Jose: I'm surprised she didn't show up in a Captain America costume.

Nathaniel: That makes me want to put her in a Wonder Woman outfit. Photoshop Attack! If you wrap a golden lasso around Hilary Swank think of all the truths that would spill out. "I did not deserve my second Oscar" ... "I thought Amelia was boring, too!"... "____complete the sentence in the comments_____"...

Jose: OMG Is that Abigal Breslin? When did she start looking like Nia Vardalos?  I hate that she's all old now.

Nathaniel: What are you? a Hollywood executive? "Get her to a nursing home!" Jesus. She's only 15. Don't feel old, Jose. Young starlets grow up fast.

Jose: I'll want to tear my eyes out when she kisses someone in that movie! She's my Little Miss Sunshine. She shouldn't be kissing boys. I just want cute child stars to retire when they hit puberty. Unless they're Jodie Foster.

Pfeiffer, Tori Amos Tangent and War Horses of different colors (actually just one) after the jump. 

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Red Carpet: "Women in Hollywood", The Event

In Red Carpet Convos, a rotating group of panelists looks at what people are wearing to events like The Emmys, film festival premieres, and various random events, and use it for an excuse to talk about actresses. Today's guest is Guy Lodge from In Contention. 

Nathaniel: The annual Women in Hollywood even took place this weekend -- or perhaps Monday? all the days be running together lately -- so let's start with the Household Names. You can just say "Pfeiffer", "Aniston", "Witherspoon" and "Heigl" and everyone knows who you're talking about. Even people  that don't go to the movies (strange strange people, though they be!)

the über famous

Guy: You know it's the Women in Hollywood event because This Is Serious and Serious Women Do Not Wear Color.
Nathaniel: Michelle has been serious her whole life. If she's feeling unusually frisky she'll throw a red at'cha but it's almost always, 90% of the time, black.
Guy: As if she needs its slimming effect.
Nathaniel: Right.

Guy: I realize that to say a word against Pfeiffer at the Pfilm Experience is a bit like pissing on the crucifix in a cathedral, but I"m... not crazy abotu this look on her? The mid calf length, combined with the severity of the black, is a bit schoolmarmy.
Nathaniel: Well, you're a good sport about my dissings of Aniston so I can take it.
Guy: It's interesting that her belt resembles a roll of film, though, since she seems to have so little interest in the medium these days.
Nathaniel: [sniffle] I do love that she's gone all out with the detailing though to make up for the absence of color.

Guy: Yes, Pfeiffer's always been good with the details -- the glasp on her purse -- CLASP not glasp-- on her purse looks a bit like the vial from Death Becomes Her.
Nathaniel: You were thinking "[gasp] NOW a warning?!?" which is totally understandable because Michelle is 53 years old so she's clearly been to see Lisle for that age-defying potion. 

We have to discuss the psychological profiling of their individualistic choices in cleavage, though. Immediately Reese is confusing me because when i first saw this i swear to god i was thinking "chest hair". it totally threw ‬me.
 

Guy: I'm glad I'm not the only one puzzled by it. I was wondering if she has a giant sunflower tattoo in progress on her chest -- just the petals haven't been added yet.
Nathaniel: Decolattage as character profile: Pfeiffer: angular, classic; Aniston: freewheeling California golden; Reese: .....; Katharine:" Look at me! No, don't look at me. Ack. What am I doing?" 
Guy: Still, I'm grateful for Reese's weird chest-lace. It's the only thing  keeping her from looking like she's abotu to sell me a house.
Nathaniel: Tell her the price is too high! Too high! 

poll by twiigs.com

Nathaniel: Another fun game we could play is "Which of these four women has the worst taste in scripts?"

More on these superstars and nine more actreses after the jump.

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Red Carpet Convo: Emmy Reds, Midriff Blues

In this edition of Red Carpet Convo Nathaniel talks to Mark Blankenship of The Critical Condition and our resident fashion obsessive Jose. 

Nathaniel: Is it too late to talk about the Emmy divas and their dresses. This pop culture wheel does spin madly these days -- knocking me right off my axis sometimes.
Jose: We're only a day behind E!'s own red carpet talk (not that comparing onself to E! is any sort of compliment.)
Mark: We can think of it as a gift we're giving to a busy world. Sit back. Relax. Fondly remember days gone by... Sunday gone by.

Karen, A Good Wife, Crazy, Gwynnie, Skinny

Nathaniel: Well, it's horrible to follow Joan Rivers but then our purposes are never quite the same with our red carpet coverage. We're here to talk about the ladies and we're less bitchy and we're allowed to discuss actual careers, too. If we're so moved. I think we should start with this "Worst" collection and get the negativity out of the way.
Jose: You did NOT just put Gwynnie in your worst list.
Nathaniel: I did. Left to right. Megan Mullaly. I instantly regret putting her here because at least there are colors other than reds but it reminds me of this one tie I wore back when I thought loud colorful ties were fashionable simply because men's clothing was such a sedative.
Jose: I didn't even know she'd been to the Emmys. I have nothing against the dress at least it's a change from her usual black pant suit look.
Mark: The dress is kind of overwhelming. Like, you expect to unfold it and discover it's actually a giant, silk screened print of an Impressionist painting.
Nathaniel: Damnit, now I like it more.

Nick & MeganMark: Is she on television now in the absence of Party Down?
Nathaniel: She does guest stints on Parks and Recreation where she plays the demonic ex-wife of her actual husband Nick Offerman. They're hilarious together.
Jose: Wait, she's married to Nick Offerman? *mind explodes* I can not for the life of me, wait to see what she and Patty Clarkson come up with to mess with poor "Ron Swanson". [Editor's note: Patty Clarkson will be on Parks and Recreation this year.]
Nathaniel: That show is so great. Okay, Julianna Marguiles, The Good Wife or as she's known in some quarters The Wife With the Goodly Hot Husband. Thank youuuu, reaction shots.

Mark: See... look, I don't hate this dress. I don't mind that she took teardrops from an old chandelier and put them on her bosom. I find it whimsical.
Nathaniel: I just don't understand it. I keep wanting it to be really abstract and structural with the way it juts out up top like it's decolettage that wants to be a stiff collar or a Disney cliff.
Jose: I applaud the risk she took by going with Armani Privé (these people design like they're dressing up astronauts for dinner parties) but I laugh at her terrible choice, it's just too fugly. Maybe she wanted to carry on the "arrive by way of eggs" tradition established by Björk and Gaga.
Nathaniel: But see that's just my objection to it. If you're going that way, GO that way. It looks much weirder and therefore better from far away.
Mark: For me, seeing it in motion made it kind of fascinating but just staring at this picture makes me like it less.

Who's the  woman in the pink and why is she wearing a mud mask?
Nathaniel: LOL. That's Paz de la Huerta who is insane.
Mark: !!! That's who that is? She's unrecognizable. And I watch Boardwalk Empire for chrissakes.
Jose: This is what happens when you take an oompa loompa out of the chocolate factory and send it to Extreme Makeover. 
Nathaniel: She's been doing that weird lip thing for awhile. If it's not the chocolate factory it's those easter candies that color your mouth.
Mark: Either that or like someone who just strolled out of a nuclear meltdown. Isn't that kind of how your skin looks if it's burned by an A-bomb?
Nathaniel: I wouldn't know.

Mark: This image reminds me of how frustrating she is on the show; all affect, all the time.
Nathaniel: I don't watch the show. Every time I try I think Sopranos During Prohibition. Yawn.
Jose: Ugh no. The Sopranos rocked, this one is just "important", I watched the entire first season to see if it was about more than prestige and winning awards and no, it wasn't.

Nathaniel: Since Jose and I are in disagreement about Gwyneth Paltrow, Mark you must break the tie.
Mark: About her look or her work? Jose do you like her in general?
Nathaniel: Her look. We both like her work. 
Jose: I'd like to coerce you to like this Pucci dress by suggesting that it was paying homage to this.

Mark: Ha! yes. Although I thought she was tipping her hat to Madonna's Shanti/Ashtangi period.
Nathaniel: Again I repeat. If you're going that way, GO that way. None of this half-assedness. Half-assed and midriff, no relation.
Mark: Zing!
Jose: I ADORE Gwynnie. She is the only reason I subject myself to Glee and why I have gotten into so many bar fights about the 1998 Oscars.
Nathaniel: LOL.
Mark: I really like her too. I think she's talented and charming and reasonably aware of how ridiculous she can sometimes be. That said, loving someone means telling them the truth and truthfully, this outfit is bad news. If it were all one dress, then maybe, but the midriff is just awful. The top looks poorly cut to me and slices up her body in a strange way. I agree that she should have gone further here. Farther?

Nathaniel: I don't like any dresses that risk making super skinny women look like they've put on lbs because that's CLEARLY an optical illusion. Gwyneth has a great body.
Mark: Either way show me some bellybutton or cover it up altogether.
Jose: I shall go the grave defending this look, it's just perfect to me!
Mark: I hope this is not the rift that ruins our blossoming friendship, Jose.
Nathaniel: I sense trouble. "1998 OSCARS!" *runs*
Jose: lol. Let's discuss  Jayma Mays before you two continue to break my heart.

Mark: Well she looks like a lamp. Or a bottle of cheap bourbon dressed as a Southern Belle.
Jose: I loved her. She looked a hundred years younger than the actually younger Glee girls. Did y'all see what Dianne Agron was wearing? Yikes.
Nathaniel: Well the younger Glee girls are always trying so hard.  I think they're scared of life after Glee. But the tiers on this dress are so weird like a pepto-bismol wedding cake. And I think when you're as delicate as Jayma, something that looks flimsy, easily torn or flammable if placed over a lightbulb is not a good idea.
Mark: Has her character gotten any better on Glee? I stopped watching partway through Season 1.
Nathaniel: Let us not discuss "character" and Glee in the same sentence lest you kill my buzz for the season premiere tonight.
Mark: Fair. But has her random collection of weekly, contradictory impulses gotten any more coherent? I know the answer before I...
Jose: lol.
Nathaniel: I SAID NO. DON'T KILL MY BUZZ.

Jose: I hate Glee but I shall respect your wishes, Nat.
Nathaniel: I hate myself for loving it but love it I do. Let's move on to BEST ACTRESSES!
Mark: The Best Comedy Actresses, you mean? 
Nathaniel: Same difference. Best Actress Drama doesn't count until they stop nominating Mariska Hargitay.
Mark: Hahaha!

READ THE REST for best actress comedy, best dressed and a few men.

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Red Carpet Convo: Glamour Casual, Festival Orgy, Namesake Pets

Nathaniel: It says "Jose is busy. You may be interrupting."
Jose: I'm lying about my status.
Nathaniel: Pants on fire! You are never too busy for fashion. This week's red carpet lineup is kind of scattershot. That's how I feel right now with four festivals seemingly happening simultaneously this week.
Jose: That we know of. Film festivals are the Starbucks of the movie world.
Nathaniel: One for every zip code. 

Nathaniel: So...this first batch is a mix of Deauville (Kate Bosworth, Shirley Maclaine, Emma Stone), Venice (Keira Knightley) and a regular ol' boring premiere somewhere (Marion Cotillard). 
Jose: I recognize the dress so it was NYC.
Nathaniel: See. I'm not even here I've already fled town mentally if not physically... yet.
Jose: I have always wondered how movie stars lose their baby fat so freaking fast. What has Marion been eating after petit Marcel was born?
Nathaniel: She's no longer eating for 2 but ‪½ ... actresses, you know.
Jose: Hopefully Guillaume is feeding the wee lad tons of baguettes and souffles but then again said baby isn't the face of Dior and Mommy is.

Nathaniel: Kate Bosworth eats for ‪⅕ so lets start with‬ her. 
Jose: lol. Remind me again, why is she famous for?
Nathaniel: I can't remember... OH the worst Lois Lane. And a surfer movie, I think.
Jose: Oh true. Also for bicolored eyes and for dating Alexander Skarsgård. 
Nathaniel: If you have to live on next to nothing there are worse things to nibble on.
Jose: She's totally doing a Pam face. He should get her a gig on his show.

Nathaniel: I think this dress is kind of pretty but she is soooo tiny and the dress so delicate that it gives the impression that the tiniest gust of wind -- even something as little as the wind currents coming off another speeding luminary passing her on the red carpet -- would all but knock her over.  
Jose: Kate is pretty but god am I bored trying to say something about her.
Nathaniel: So let's talk about Shirley Maclaine. She was there to be honored for her entire career. I think they showed the ballet epic The Turning Point (1977) of all things. This outfit looks appropriate glitzy and shiny and I love Shirley Maclean Beaty but how can she not afford a better wig? 
Jose: lol. Blame her colorist? This totally reminds me of that Sex and the City episode when Samantha follows her ex BF in disguise wearing a wig from the Raquel Welch collection.

The Many (Great) Faces of Shirley Maclaine

Nathaniel: Jose, it needs to be asked. In the cable system of your mind, are Sex & The City repeats running on like 400 of the 1000 stations? 
Jose: No, but Shirley and I both own the DVDs.
Nathaniel: Anyway, she looks really happy and she certainly deserves lifetime achievement plaudits. It's really a wonder to me that more young actresses don't hold her up as an icon. Her career was stellar, longlasting, and full of interesting movies and classic. And there are so many pixie types. But I guess none of them have a personality even remotely as large as hers. Which is maybe the problem. You can be merely elegant and fashionable and pretend you're the next Audrey Hepburn and people will go along with it for 5 minutes but to try Shirley Maclaine...
Jose: Amen. Anne Hathaway maybe when she grows up? 

Nathaniel: So Emma Stone. Stunning again. This color is gahsome on her. But I have to say... I still don't have a bead on her personal style at all. 
Jose: Her style is "Go with the greatest working designers and blow mortals' expectations every single time."
Nathaniel: Way to narrow it down.
Jose: Remember when I complained about Kate Winslet's structural obsession *fashion nerd alert*?
Nathaniel: Yes?
Jose: Well Emma is doing it right. She went with Roland Mouret, known the world over for his love of structure BUT he does structure with delicacy.
Nathaniel: I'm assuming "the world over" meaning "fashion nerd world"?

KEIRA, GWYNETH, "GLAMOUR CASUAL" and JOSE'S DOGGIE (!!!) AFTER THE JUMP.

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