Ten Reasons Aronofksy Really Left "The Wolverine"

(not really)

By now you've heard the news that Darren Aronofsky has left the director's chair of The Wolverine, leaving Fox and Hugh Jackman scrambling for a new leader. They're going to move aggressively to replace him. Aronofsky cites a year away from home (presumably in Japan) as the reason for his departure. Sad. Just when we had totally acclimated ourselves to the idea of Aronofsky's madness servicing Wolverine's berserker rages, too. Who didn't want to see Hugh Jackman challenged again by an auteur -- and not just to up his protein consumption -- particularly the auteur that wrestled his best performance out of him?

We think there's way more to the story that Aronofsky and Fox just aren't telling. I was talking to Joe about this and perhaps our imaginations are just overactive but wouldn't any studio simply adjust their current plans to accomodate a director who has a proven track record of upping their star's game and of creating amazing visuals with $1.57 in petty cash that outdo their million dollar investments. Plus, Aronofsky is just off a huge surprise worldwide success.

So herewith...

TEN (IMAGINARY) REASONS ARONOFSKY REALLY LEFT WOLVERINE

10. Darren prefers pencil moustaches to mutton chops.

09. Fox demanded a Halle Berry / Storm cameo.

08. Studio objected to scene Darren referred to as "Uncle Hank's Cigar Challenge"

 

07. Fox insisted that Coney Island was not a suitable stand-in for Tokyo exteriors. Not even with CGI embellishments.

06. Fox demanded a Black Swan Reboot option added to Darren's contract.

05. Hugh Jackman refused to allow actual steel blades to be placed in his arms. Wuss. Mickey Rourke was totally okay with the staples!

04. Aronofsky couldn't stop giggling every time "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" was uttered in studio meetings.

03. Wolverine's mutant healing prevented all attempts to dramatize self-mutilation, Aronofsky-style. Aronofsky to Fox: "Booooorrrring!"

02. Fox rejected new costume concept involving Wolverine in a natty scarf.

01. Hugh Jackman wanted Benjamin Milipied to 'choreograph' the fight scenes.

Maybe you can think of more reasons in the comments?

Super Glut

Entertainment Weekly introduces Henry Cavill, our new Superman, on the cover of their Oscar prediction issue. Cavill, for what it's worth, has been in the running for several super-people but this is the first time he's actually been cast. But shouldn't the cover be something more Oscariffic?

The hit whores were out in force this morning labelling this photo Official First Photo of Cavill as Superman. Hilarious. Especially since they haven't even started filming -- and rumors abound that the studio is still not happy with the script -- and there's no way the new superhero costume is a pre-faded t-shirt ;)

It's always this way with superhero films. There are generally about 731,000 "exclusive" everythings and 11 or so "first official" everythings. For example, we've already had two instances of "official first photo of Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man." and I'm willing to bet we get a third given that the other two are more promotional and not "actual" shot from the movie! The first he was in the costume with the mask off. The second also labelled "first official photo of Garfield as Spider-Man" is the one where he's masked. If all things are cyclical when is the superhero craze going to die down? Right now it seems infallible. Even movies people don't end up liking open well and get sequels. Will the upcoming barrage finally be overkill?

Here's what's (supposedly) coming our way after this new Thor trailer which is quite a bit different than the original sneak and seems to be leaning more comedic (Hi, Kat Dennings!)

May 2011 Thor
June 2011 X-Men: First Class (further reading)
June 2011 Green Lantern
July 2011 Captain America: The First Avenger (further reading)
May 2012 The Avengers (not filming yet. I have always doubted this movie will ever happen. Too many contracts. Too many characters. Too many schedules having to lined up. Too much. Too much.)
July 2012 The Amazing Spider-Man (filming)
July 2012 The Dark Knight Rises (in casting mode)
Dec 2012 Superman: Man of Steel (pre-production)
TBA 2012 The Wolverine (pre-production)

Nine in the next 24 months. And that's just the high profile ones. I have a feeling I've forgotten something. There are umpteen more in development not to mention superhero projects that are coming to the small screen like Wonder Woman (which sounds completely confusing/messy). But can the market really sustain all of those at the grosses they've become accustomed to? If it can't -- and I doubt it can; no "Most Popular Genre" lasts forever as any perusal of screen history will tell you --  expect several of the other ones in various stages of development including but by no means limited to The Flash, Iron Man 3, Luke Cage and Doctor Strange, to be aborted.

The only one of the future maybes after 2012 that I would be thrilled to see is Doctor Strange, IF and only if Pixar does it as has been rumored. Still dying to see Pixar try a different genre altogether than the adventure comedies for families.

Yes, No, Maybe So: "X-Men: First Class"

The trailer has arrived.

Travel back in time with me to the late 70s. Yes, I know the movie we're about to discuss takes place in the early 60s. But I wasn't alive yet and neither were many of you. Wee Nathaniel was alive in the 1970s (shut up!). Jump forward to Christmas 1979. In Nathaniel's Christmas stocking, the greatest gift he'd known until that time: The Uncanny X-Men #129. He tore through the pages, died right on the spot from joy and went to heaven. The End.

The point is this: no matter how many bad superhero movies may come, no matter how glutted the superhero genre becomes at the movies, no matter how many bad X-Movies arrive (Hi, X-Men 3 and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. You suck!) Nathaniel will always be susceptible to Charles Xavier and the School For Gifted Youngsters. He will always hope that the movies will ever capture the magic of those first comic books. He will always be glad that Bryan Singer's X-2 (the second or third best superhero movie ever made) nearly managed it in a few scenes.

To this point the X-Men movie series has ignored The Hellfire Club, who were all introduced in this very (personally sacred) issue that changed my young life. I was a junkie thereafter for mutants, comic books, and spectacularly-bodied superheroines like Storm & Phoenix and spectacularly-bodied ice queens like Emma Frost, The White Queen. Kitty Pryde was also introduced in this movie but she was only 13. (Even then I preferred the older ladies. Storm and Phoenix were probably only 20 or something but to me that was ADULT. anyway.... reign it in. geezus!

This time the movies are going there, Emma Frost (January Jones) and all.

X-Men: First Class trailer and further anxiety after the jump! Wheeeee

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30 Seconds to Summer (Superbowl Leftovers) Pt. 1

As I was confessing on Twitter yesterday, I have literally never watched the Superbowl. Not once. The only football bits I've ever seen were in high school (I hung with the band geeks but was a choirboy), comic strips (Lucy is so mean!), in movies, and in Friday Night Lights. L-O-V-E that show. It returns in April for its final season. *sniffle*

Since movie studios bleed gazillion$ worth of their future profit$ to air 30 seconds of their potential blockbusters I $hould $hare them. It's like a hydra-headed episode of Yes, No, Maybe So. I'm listing them in the order I was curious about them BEFORE I saw the spots. Things may have changed.

superhero teases and more after the jump

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Chris Evans as Captain America

A few pictures have made the rounds but the new Empire magazine has several new good ones.

The strange thing is that this particular picture doesn't look a thing like Chris Evans to me, though the other photos are totally Evansy. My point is this: my new column is up at Towleroad where I briefly run this and some other thats. Here's to specificity!