6 Thoughts I Had While Staring at Tom Cruise's W Cover

The Rock of Ages push has begun...

• The model to the left must have heard our theory about Tom Cruise's magic sperm: it unlocks great actressing powers ... time-delayed. The effect is only triggered once you are no longer in contact with the stuff (see Mimi Rogers, Penélope Cruz, and Nicole Kidman who all began to do magical work after dumping him)

• Dragon tails are the new nipple clamps.

• Of all the movie stars who have ever worn guyliner, Ewan McGregor wins.

• Why do they photoshop movie stars -- who, generally speaking, are the best looking people on the planet -- to the point where they're barely recognizable? No matter what you think of Tom Cruise he looks pretty great for someone hitting the half century mark.

• What do you suppose the model to the right is whispering in his ear? I'm guessing "Xenuuuuuuuu"

• If Paul Thomas Anderson's 2012 release The Master is really a thinly veiled Scientology movie, do you think it was inspired by his time with Cruise on the Magnolia set. And if so, is Mr. Cruise going to be pissed?

Link Roll Call

Gold Derby has the complete list of MTV Movie Awards. As per usual it's a Harry Potter/Twilight party, crashed this time out by The Hunger Games. So YA.
Movie|Line interviews smashing Mark Ruffalo on playing The Hulk and Dance Dance Revolution with his castmates.
Hero Chan "The Birth of Venus Black Widow"
Incredible Suit massive difference between old and new Spider-Man movies demonstrated
My New Plaid Pants "do dump or marry?" The Royal Tenenbaums edition

Pajiba 10 actors who will never be nominated for Emmy no matter how much they deserve it. 
Guardian because all franchises refuse to die, they're thinking of resurrecting Dracula to star Tom Cruise as Van Helsing. Won't the vampire craze be over by the time they're finished? It has to be on its last legs now.
The Envelope Oscar is staying put in the same theater for another couple of decades. It is "Kodak" no more but now "Dolby" I believe. 
Cracked great behind the scenes photos that break the movie spell
Vulture April's best celebrity portraiture from Michelle Williams to Adepere Oduye
Awards Daily first photos of Nicole Kidman on set of Railway Man. Ugh, I hate when they make my fav goddesses frumpy for movie roles 

Finally, I heart this new poster for Snow White and the Huntsman. Oh please let the evil queen win!

5 Kidmanic Confessions

Confession #1: Whenever I see images or promotions from Hemingway & Gelhorn (2012) or think of Nicole Kidman and Clive Owen together, my mind immediately fools me into believing that they already co-starred in Closer (2004).

Yes, yes, yes that was Julia Roberts but I'm just telling you that my Nicole-addled brain attempts to force the recasting every time.

It tastes like yours only sweeter."

How hot would that have been?

More photos /confessions after the jump...

Click to read more ...

Box Office: Ethan, Sherlock and Alvin Return

The newish Sherlock Holmes franchise was down from its first go around and the news was even worse for The Chipmunks in their third attack on the box office. Those high pitched rodents were off 50% so maybe we can safely bury this franchise?

I could have put a picture of Alvin and the Chipmunks here. Thank me!

The big story was crowded houses in limited release for the return of Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) in Mission: Impossible 4. (The four is silent or pronounced "Gost Pro•toh•call".) I'm eager to see it myself, not because of that prologue to The Dark Knight Rises that's attached in some theaters but because... director BRAD BIRD! He hasn't let us down yet: Family Dog, The Incredibles, Iron Giant, Ratatouille! So curious to see how he handles flesh and blood actors instead of drawings and pixels.

Box Office Top Ten
01 SHERLOCK HOLMES A GAME OF SHADOWS new $40 
02 ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED new $23.5 
03 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL  $13 
04 NEW YEAR'S EVE new $7.4 (cum. $24.8)
05 THE SITTER new $4.4 (cum. $17.7)
06 THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 1 $4.3 (cum $266.4)
07 YOUNG ADULT $3.6 (cum $4)
08 HUGO $3.6 (cum $39)
09 ARTHUR CHRISTMAS $3.6 (cum. $38.5)
10 THE MUPPETS $3.4 (cum $70.9)

Other Talking Points
Precursor Nominations Mean Nothing to Ticket Sales: The Descendants [Michael's review] didn't really get a boost from its week of precursor glories, off 23% from last week, but then neither did any of the other films. It's all white noise to general audiences... until Oscar nominations, one supposes. Meanwhile one wonders if the Weinstein Co is being too cautious. The Artist [Nathaniel's review] was off only 2% but they only added one screen. My Week With Marilyn [Nathaniel's review] is also losing heat without expansions. It's taking forever and what gives with that. Marilyn is a brand. 

Jodie in Hiding:  Carnage is the second Jodie Foster picture in a row to open in a tiny number of locations following The Beaver. While I realize she isn't the draw she once was, it seems like she'd still be enough of a draw in wide release to at least make some money on a wider opening, even if people don't end up liking the movie, instead of the torturous inching along which prevents revenue.

Indie Success: Shame crossed the $1 million mark with 30 screens added and Margin Call crossed the $5 million mark (on a $3.5 million budget) as it continues to lose theaters. Is Margin Call a sign that Zachary Quinto is going to be a real behind-the-scenes force? He really seems to be taking to the producer's role with several projects lined up. 

What did you see this weekend? Was it worth your time?

"the human head weighs 8 lbs"

<--- Blog Stage Awwww, tiny cute person Jonathan Lipnicki (Jerry Maguire) is all grown up. Just celebrated his 21st birthday.
Empire file this one under: extremely odd news. Seems that Lynne Ramsay of Morvern Callar and We Need To Talk About Kevin is planning a sci-fi film inspired by Moby Dick. Of all things.
i09 ZOMG! Y'all know about my strange "Dazzler" fetish from all of those Red Carpet convos where the mutant superhero x-woman disco star kept coming up. Now an artist has reimagined her as a man.

Clutch Magazine Occupy Hollywood
Aint It Cool Looks like it's more crime dramas for director Ben Affleck rather than another filmed version of Stephen King's The Stand.
Fashion Telegraph a clothing line based on The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo? Make it stop! I think Joanna at Pajiba said it best when she said... 

I’ve always wanted to dress as a mentally unstable, violent victim of abuse."

Animation Kung Fu Panda becomes an animated TV series next month. 
Self Styled Siren on James Wolcott, Pauline Kael and critic wars
Indie Wire has a list of the Cinema Eye nominees, honoring documentary filmmaking the top category goes like so.

The Arbor (Clio Barnard)
Senna (Asif Kapadia)
Project NIM (James Marsh)
Position Among the Stars (Leonard Retel Heimrich)
Nostalgia For the Light (Patricio Guzmán) 
The Interrupters (Steve James) 

 I keep meaning to write about The Arbor. So fascinatingly heavy and interesting.

Even the Blind Film Critic knows that Tom Cruise isn't quite right visually to play "Jack Reacher", his upcoming franchise role...

In Ye Olden Times when Tom Cruise used to get cast in roles he wasn't right for -- hi, Lestat! -- it could easily be blamed on his #1 position in Hollywood's star structure. But what's the excuse now? Hmmmm...