Tilda Androgyne

Tilda Swinton is on the cover of W's August issue with a mess of hot photos inside. And by hot I mean cool and by cool I mean sickening or whatever word is the new aspirational one to indicate people who are better than us.

Tilda is very tall but she's that much higher because we're always placing her on pedestals. But just look at her! Who can be blamed for building said pedestals, altars or shrines. 

This next photo totally screams Victor/Victoria. I doubt Tilda could sing as well as Julie Andrews (but then, who could?) so maybe they should reinterpret it as a minimalist art film.

In addition to playing the woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman entertainer at the center, Tilda could play every role? I will now spend the next seventeen hours imagining Tilda in the Lesley Ann Warren / Norma Cassidy role. In fact, let's repurpose one of Norma's grandest quotes to speak of Tilda right now.

With you it's like 'Pow!Pow!Pow!' like the Fourth of July, every time!

Well it is with Tilda! You never have to fake it with her. She's orgasmic.  

More photos after the jump...

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Cannes Glamour Finale ~ 23 Talents To Ogle

*Sniffle* Take one long last longing look. You might not see this much glittery movie talent assembled again until the Golden Globes. Today there is no red carpet conversation for the lineup -- all of my blogging friends have vanished (was it The Rapture?) -- other than what you bring to the comments.

Twenty-three more to wrap up.

Left to right: Audrey Dana who was so awesome in Roman de Gare - remember that?, Ultimate being Milla Jovovich, statuesque jury queen Uma Thurman, and sexy French bitches Ludivine Sagnier & Raphaël Personnaz.

Left to right: Antonio Banderas had a good fortnight, didn't he? Ryan Gosling went blue but Drive was red hot, Jude Law juried (winners coming at'cha tomorrow), and Saïd Tagmaoui walked the red carpet (he'll finally be back on the big screen in Conan the Barbarian but given that he speaks four languages and is a very good actor he should be in like 5 or 6 big movies a year, don't you think?)

Left to right: Jessica Chastain (Tree of Life), Slumdog lovers Dev Patel & Freida Pinto, leaning tower of Gwen Stefani, and Goldie Hawn who hasn't changed her hairstyle, sleeve or neckline preference in about 26-27 years now.

Left to right: Zhang Ziyi is still alive, Zoe Saldana is the most delicious candy cane we've seen in years, the hilarious Missi Pyle is in The Artist (Yay!), Courtney Love is still alive and Linda Cardellini is looking more like a movie star than we remember her ever looking before.

Left to right: Janet Jackson, our favorite constantly absent filmmaker (female division) Jane Campion and her 17 year old (?) actress daughter Alice Englert, and the incomparable Tilda Swinton who might possibly win Best Actress tomorrow for We Need To Talk About Kevin. 

FINIS

Miscellinkia: Beatty-ful Summer, Vampiric Tilda, Gamey Thrones,

Links
Ultra Culture Cannes Abuse Checklist. An invaluable chart!
Boy Culture scores the first Val Lauren interview post Sal Mineo / James Franco casting.
Scanners Opening Shots: Woody Allen's Another Woman
IndieWire wonders if winning the Palme D'Or equals box office revenue. Well... it might if any Palme D'Or were released immediately after their win. But by the time they're released summer prestige glory is usually a footnote. Take Uncle Boonmee. No, it was never going to be a "hit" but wouldn't it have played better if it had a normal curve of buzz, release, discussion? Instead of opening 10 months later?

Tilda, Ezra and Lynne Ramsay at the WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN premiere

Movie|Line wonders if a slow burn favorite might win the Palme D'Or instead of The Tree of Life. Cannes Jury predictions crack me up each year because everyone assumes its done deals (just like the Oscars)... but it's often far from predictable.
Towleroad GLAAD Awards. Kim Cattrall's acceptance speech is quite funny. 'I played a gay man on a popular tv show'
Slash Film Tilda Swinton and Michael Fassbender for a Jim Jarmusch vampire flick? Curious and possibly awesome. I guess this means that Countess movie with Tilda isn't happening though. I can't see her doing two vampire films in a row.
Film Doctor steals notes froms the Mrs for Bridesmaids

Gagging on Game of Thrones
I know that my initial impression of HBO's Game of Thrones was far less favorable than most critics and fantasy fans, but can I at least get an amen that the casting of both "fourth in line" Renly Barantheon and his lover The Knight of Flowers, who are often described in the book as intensely charismatic, is terribly off. The casting does not reflect either The Knight of Flowers legendary beauty or Renly's reputation as the most charming fellow in the Seven Kingdoms. They both come across as whiny slightly-bitchy wimps which is about a 180 from the books wherein The Knight is someone you'd NEVER want to meet on a battlefield he's so deadly physically and Renly is someone everyone wishes were king. I really am not pleased with this. And I did not to hear those campy sound effects for well, MOVING ON... But I'll admit that for all my reservations, the series is hooking me just like the first novel did. That first novel was so brilliantly plotted but I really must stop watching this before it goes off the plot horse never to remount in any subsequent books or, uh, seasons as the new case may be.

A Beatty-ful Summer
Tonight in New York City at 92 Street Y, elusive actress/writer/director Elaine May will be showing her cut of the infamous 80s flop Ishtar starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman. May will discuss the movie afterwards which she rarely does. I'm totally going. Tickets are still available. And then in June, the man himself will be appearing at a Dick Tracy screening in Los Angeles to discuss the movie. Tickets for that are $30 but it's a rare opportunity to hear Beatty talk about his work and see that comic flick on the big screen. If I were in LA, I wouldn't dream of missing it. But then I have an unheathily attachment to Beatty and his Mrs.

Cannes Summary: Woody Allen through Gus Van Sant

Hi All. Robert (author of Distant Relatives) here. As Nathaniel has mentioned, MUBI.com is really the place to go for lots and lots of Cannes reviews. But in case you don't want to sift through lots of reviews or fear leaving the warming embrace of The Film Experience, I thought I'd sum up some of what people are saying about the first few Cannes Films, right here.

Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris opened the festival and while a few viewers are suggesting it's an unnoteworthy truffle, most of the reaction has been positive though not exhuberant. Still, with expectations growing lower and lower for Mr. Allen's releases, it's nice to see that he can still enchant an audience. Seriously, you've never seen the words "charming" and "pleasant" and "whimsical" so much in one place. Here's the MUBI summary.

Sleeping Beauty, the first film by author Julia Leigh is one of a handful of films this year that feels like Cannes attempt to recapture that uncomfortalbe sexual Antichrist buzz. Here, Emily Browning plays a newbie prostitute whose specialty is being drugged and taken advantage of in her sleep. Detractors here seem to be in the slight majority calling the film "cold" and "psychosexual twaddle." But there are still some reviewers who find the film "enthralling" and have high praise for Browning's performance and desire to break free from studio stuff. MUBI summary.

Nathaniel has already touched on We Need to Talk About Kevin and the great notices coming Tilda Swinton's way (Roger Ebert referrs to her in his tweeting as Saint Tilda and I must admit that name is sticking in my brain). It's also nice to see excitement greet a Lynn Ramsay film (whose Ratcatcher and Morvern Callar I assume must have been some of the better DVD discoveries of the past 10 years). Alas the film itself is getting a bit of a mixed reaction. MUBI summary.

Gus Van Sant's teenage romance Restless opened Un Certain Regard and it's hard to ignore the bad reviews piling up. While there are a few nice sentiments, like Mike Goodridge's declaration that it's a "gentle moving hymn to life" most of the agreement seems to be that the film is a "dud" not to mention "intert" or "emo goo." MUBI summary here.

We Need To Link About Kevin

Given that many of you are on pins and needles about the new Tilda Swinton tour de force (no, we haven't seen it. But it's getting easier and easier to assume given her recent track record) We Need To Talk About Kevin...

Critics aren't tossing tomatoes but bouquets to Tilda in "We Need To Talk About Kevin"

Given that I have been weirdly unwilling to post the multiplying clips out there (I get in these moods where I don't wanna know see anything for movies I'm especially looking forward to) I should cave enough to link up to the raves. Perhaps you don't share my sudden unwillingness to read anything longer than a twitter length review for movies you can't see yet. Too many critics -- even the best ones! -- no longer worry about spoiling the experience in crucial ways.

Ezra Miller ("Kevin"), Tilda, the incredible Lynne Ramsay and Reilly in CannesMorvern Callar, the last Lynne Ramsay film, was way back in 2002, so add Ramsay to that "slowpokes" list of directors we were discussing. That earlier film with an indelible mysterious performance from Samantha Morton was such a startling and visceral experience that I want to experience We Need To Talk About Kevin in the same way. Which is to say, I'm going in cold!

But if you're less nervous -- MUBI has a collection of the raves. Might we see Tilda Swinton picking up "best actress" but zero Oscar attraction (you know how they ignore her brilliance 95% of the time)? Time will tell. In roughly two weeks and then again in the winter when precursor season kicks in.

Have any of you read the book this film is based on?