"Worst" of 2011. A Quick Purge

year in review part whichever

I use the term "worst" loosely as I am generally not paid to see the obviously terrible films that open all year round. Plus, I'm not feeling the negativity this year. Or, rather, I'm trying not to feel it. With Bridesmaids and Melancholia both speaking so eloquently on the subject of depression this year like some perfect if unlikely double feature (more on that soon) why should I wallow in my own? No, 2011 was a good year for cinema. So here is a very quick purge of the things that momentarily led me to believe otherwise. 

Hell's Multiplex
Hell's multiplex has noisy audiences, crying babies, constant texting, and 50 million miniature screens showing only 50 movies, a million microscopic screens for each sorry movie! All of them requiring 3D glasses... even the ones in 2D. I wisely avoided the films I thought might play there -- if I hear the names Nicolas Cage, Adam Sandler or Kevin James or "Part One" I run -- though I inadvertently stumbled on a few grotesqueries. I've no wish to bury amateurish festival films but bigger names and wider releases are fair games. The 8 worst films I saw this year, then, were:

• Beastly and...
• I Am Number Four 
  This Double Feature of Dickery tops the list (bottoms the list?), with both of the films starring Prince Charmless himself Alex Pettyfer. What possessed his management to give the go ahead on Beastly in particular in which he must sell -- and sells all too well -- utter despicability of character devoid of all traditional humanity? And selling that so well while playing the hero?
• Abduction [reviewed]
• Cars 2 -Cars was Pixar's previous worst film. So naturally all of Cars's worst impulses were jacked up for the sequel. Michael said it best to me when we were leaving the screening "It's like George Lucas deciding to make a Star Wars prequel with Jar Jar Binks as the lead character!"
• Green Lantern [reviewed]
• J Edgar - Less outright terrible than devoid of any reasonable expectations of entertainment value or historical insight. Cliche filled stuff spun from complex fascinating real life. [reviewed]
• The Other Woman [reviewed]
• Kaboom [reviewed]

Michelle & Nicole in widely hated filmsWorst Reviewed Movies of 2011 That I Myself Did Not See
New Year's Eve and Trespass ...yes I have every intention of seeing these two films; I am willing to suffer for my Pfandom and my Kidmania. But I'm no hurry. But those I intentionally avoided include: Jack and Jill, Just Go With It, The Roommate, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Season of the Witch, Red Riding Hood, Dream House, Zookeeper, I Don't Know How She Does It, The Rite, The Smurfs and Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

Worst Actress
True story Part 1: I had never* seen Vanessa Hudgens act before seeing Beastly.
True Story Part 2: I still haven't seen her act because no reasonable person could call it such. 

Mating Rituals From Hell's Multiplex: BEASTLY

Worst Actress That Has Been Good In Other Things
If you figure out what Abbie Cornish was doing in W.E. besides counting down the days till the shoot ended please share this information. But my guess is that's what was going on because otherwise I can't figure it...

Worst Actor
Let's play "Jeopardy" instead...

Violins, totem poles, Grandma Willow, trees, 'Mr. Pointy', antiques, wardrobe, pianos, chaise lounge, picket fence, Treebeard, staves, matches, witch's broom... 

??? 

Click to read more ...

20:11 Water For Hanna's Insidious Code

Year in Review Fun!. Herewith the 20th minute and 11th second of the movies of 2011 in chronological order of US release date. It's like flipping channels for snapshots of the film year! For those who like a challenge, I've written the film titles in invisible ink (you can highlight to see them) below the screencap. What kind of memories does this bring back? Do these tiny glimpses make you want to see the movies in question?

january | february | march 

Part 4: April

Our records show that 1,812 calls ended at the moment of the explosion. 52 of those calls were tethered to the cell tower nearest the train so one of those calls was made by our bomber..."

SOURCE CODE ...reviewed in brief (10 words)

We'll conduct some further testing. It's only been a couple of days. It could take a little longer." 

INSIDIOUS

My name is Dr. Burton. Would you like to talk to me?"

HANNA... this movie seemed very well liked by readers. And it was definitely a missed opportunity on this blog that we never properly discussed. Apologies!

Would you like to talk to Dr. Burton?
How about these other 2011 characters after the jump...?

Click to read more ...

Whether You've Been Naughty... Or Nice...

Happy Holidays from The Film Experience! Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year... whatever you're celebrating.

But most of all... Happy Moviegoing.

Blogging will resume on Monday morning. Coming next week: Interviews with Corey Stoll, Charlize Theron and Jessica Chastain. Plus: more on War Horse, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, The Iron Lady, and The Artist. And Nathaniel's Top Ten List and the Film Bitch Awards Kick Off.

You'll stick around, right?

Stocking Stuffers From the Movies

One person's treasure is another one's junk so for my bi-weekly column at Fandor, I'm looking at what's naughty and what's nice about a few top Oscar categories... like Best Actress, Original Screenplay and more.

In the meantime, since I may have the lowest key Christmas ever known chez moi, I've been thinking a lot about my favorite part of secular holiday rituals and it's totally stocking suffers. So herewith a list! Tis the season of list-making.

BEST STOCKING STUFFERS FROM 2011 MOVIES

Mr Timms photo via Cinema Blend

• Mr. Timms from Rango.

• A fedora from The Adjustment Bureau. Better than any transit card for getting through a city quickly.

• Those neato contact lenses in Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol which make perfect replica printouts of what you're looking at if you blink twice.

• A gift certificate for a one day shopping / grooming makeover with Crazy Stupid Love's Ryan Gosling.

• Gloves with which to Drive without leaving fingerprints behind.

Pick a toy, any toy

• A toy from Papa Georges' shop in Hugo, any toy.

• A stogie from Sigmund Freud's personal collection in A Dangerous Method or maybe Albert Nobbs's dream shop.

• A baseball signed by Brad Pitt. It's hard not to get romantic about baseball... or Brad.

• Must Have: a miniature picture book of Mike Mills illustrations from Beginners. He drew them himself though Ewan helped a little at the end.

• That "Naughty or Nice" meter from Arthur Christmas with which to judge future friends, lovers, clients, or business partners. 

• Hal Jordan's power ring.

• Pearl necklace from Consolata Boyle's costume department from The Iron Lady. 'Absoloooootely non-negotiable!'

• A movie makeup kit from Super 8.

• A pair of boat shoes to go jogging with George Clooney in.

• The vial containing a mermaid's tear from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

• A Hello Kitty t-shirt signed by Charlize Theron.

• Thor's hammer. Though maybe that wouldn't fit in a sock?

Which stocking stuffers are you hoping for Sunday morning?

The Year in Gay Characters

Year in Review... more to come, too.

Though you know I am unfond of J. Edgar, it was super easy to make a list of the best gay characters without the noisiest ones: ol' Hoover and his much abused man Clyde. For my weekly column at Towleroad, I thought I'd wrap the year with a list on the Best LGBT movie characters of the year so click away if you'd like a few notes on Pariah, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Potiche, and even Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol. Okay, the latter I only imagined but I like to engage with the movies in unexpected ways. Don't let filmmakers box you in; practice freeform movie watching!

Because the holidays are all about spreading oneself thin, I'm also a guest today at AfterElton. I met AfterElton's Brian Juergens at a Madonna event -- it's true, I met the Queen herself (M, not Brian!) but more on that in February when the embargo breaks -- and he was cracking me up with his insane Oscar predictions like "Best Supporting Actor Jim Parsons as Charlotte Phelan in The Help". Hee.

So I had to bring him back to reality, set him... uh... straight. Such a killjoy I am! An Oscar man's work is never done.