"Cast This!" Box Office Special: Female Expendables?

Sylvester Stallone and his team of aged action heroes ruled the box office with their high-octane throwback The Expendables 2. The title is perfect because it's the kind of disposable flick you can imagine people watching half-assed for years on end on cable while eating, cleaning, making phone calls, taking a sick day, you name it.

Top o' the Box Office *newbies in bold*
01 THE EXPENDABLES 2 $28.7 
02 THE BOURNE LEGACY $17 (cum $69.5)
03 PARANORMAN $14 
04 THE CAMPAIGN $11.8 (cum. $51.6)
05 SPARKLE $12 ...more on this one soon 
06 DARK KNIGHT RISES $12 (Cum. $409.9) Review
07 THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN $10.9 

The Expendables franchise is weirdly sexist -- how can you have like a dozen action stars per movie (*stars* being a smudgey concept here once you're past the one name icons), many of them past their prime, and never include any of the women who've led or played a major hand in action hits in any decade? Yes, they exist! Word is out that the producers are planning on backing a female heavy edition of the franchise, a spin-off if you will. Why we're not allowed to have a co-ed Expendables I do not know. 

But let's help the producers out by casting it for them in the comments.
I'll start right here with six must-haves from Nathaniel's Crowded Actressexual Brain

• Sigourney Weaver -- seriously, if she's not already at the tippity top of the "throw money at her" list, they're imbeciles.
• Michelle Yeoh -- always riveting when she fights and a damn good actress, too.
• Linda Hamilton - Duh! Even her name is tough.
• Milla Jovovich - knows her away around an action scene and will get naked for your R rating
• Daryl Hannah - because she's an awesomely imposing amazon (think Blade Runner and Kill Bill) and doesn't get nearly enough work 
• Pam Grier - because think of the fun they could have referencing her fame-making work. Razors in an afro please! 

Once I got started I couldn't stop. I literally thought of 22 more actresses who would be perfect while collecting these photos -- like give me a scene of Run Franka Potente Run. Even if it's just a cameo! -- including recent action divas like Léa Seydoux (so very hawt in Mission: Impossible -Ghost Protocol or Kate Beckinsale (fresh in the brain on account of Total Recall).

But I don't want to hog all the fun. Which actresses would you line up to see in a huge dumb explosive ensemble actioner? Give me at least six of your favorite options, preferrably ten, ranked, in the comments. Maybe we'll revisit this once we have all your lists.

Ready... set... GO!

"David Niven: a Villanelle"

I've become so enamored of all of the participating "Best Shot" writers that I miss people when they don't show up and stalk their blogs. Peter Swanson of Armchair Audience recently joined the informal "best shot" group and when I noticed no Singin' in the Rain post last Wednesday, I started clicking around his blog only to discover he's a published poet, and a fine witty one, too. He often writes about the movies and is currently completing work on a sonnet sequence about all 53 Alfred Hitchcock movies. 53 !!!

With his permission I'm sharing his 2007 poem inspired by Oscar winner David Niven which was originally originally published in The Vocabula Review. 

"David Niven: a Villanelle"
-by Peter Swanson 

There is a better world to live in: 
Dressed for dinner in black tie, 
Debonair like David Niven. 

With shoulders wide and sun-browned skin, 
The mustache trimmed, the bluest eye. 
There is a better world to live in, 

Where formality’s a given, 
A place where you, in black, and I, 
As neatly dressed as David Niven, 

Drink silver cocktails shaken 
Very cold and very dry. 
There is a better world to live in, 

Of string quartets, of My Blue Heaven, 
Of clouds and girls that never cry, 
Of men that look like David Niven, 

Or close enough, something akin, 
Beneath some starry, starry sky. 
There is a better world to live in, 
Dead and gone like David Niven.

"The rain didn't last long"

Jodie Foster is Wrong. On the Mandatory Price of Fame.

Though I'm late to this discussion -- damn that day job! -- I'm curious how many of you read Jodie Foster's piece at The Daily Beast on the pressures of stardom and her feelings about the current Kristen Stewart media witch hunt? I am, by no stretch of anyone's definition, a fan of Kristen Stewart's but I agree that the treatment she's getting in the press is hideous. While it's not directly comparable the obvious sexism of the whole thing reminds me of the Janet Jackson / Justin Timberlake "wardrobe malfunction" fiasco. The woman is blamed and the man in the equation emerges unscathed -- in this case the Snow White and the Huntsman director keeping his sequel job while the actress loses hers. Men we are free to "tsk tsk" for a couple of seconds before they get back to work but Women? Women have to serve time as Human Dartboards of Shame before they are publicly allowed to yank the Scarlet "A" from their garments and go on living.

Deplorable really.

Foster has a right to defend her former co-star and I'm glad she did and with so much spirit, too. But does this mean we have to start reinterpreting Panic Room (2002) as a metaphor of the insatibale media mob vs the trapped movie star? Damnit, I hadn't thought of that...

Click to read more ...

Sharp Funny Obsessive Individual Voices Wanted

Look at this cute photo Glenn took, inspired by my "Ruby Sparks" note-taking post! It's his actual notes scribbled during Ruby Sparks (which he just reviewed)

"Funereal typewriter". "leggings". "Manic Pixie Dream Girl: The Movie" "5 enya candy"

5 Enya Candy??? hee

Which brings me to the next point. Do you like writing about the movies? As we move into the fall film season, The Film Experience is tidying up backstage and getting ready to put on its brand new show(s) i.e. the usual show with a few tweaks and new series, and thinking about Fresh Voices for special one-off articles, temporary short-term guest blogging or more regular contributions. Our Movie (and real life) Buddy Kurt has, as you probably know, been snatched up by Slant. And after two auteurist series ("Modern Maestros" and "Distant Relatives") Robert has retired from blogging. I already miss both of them!

The Film Experience could particularly use fine correspondents who are living in Major Metropolises outside of New York like Chicago, London, L.A., The Emerald City, Atlantis, Cloud City, Mt Olympus, Hong Kong ... you get the picture.

Would also welcome writers who are actual ladies since there are plenty of ladyboys in the house already. If you think your voice is a good match for The Film Experience, and your interested in doing something other than traditional reviews (that's the request I get most often but not a type of writing I need for the blog), send me an inquiry.