Will Smith Doesn't Know His Oscar History

Have you read this incredibly obnoxious interview with Big Willie & Son on working together and the family business "patterns, boom!" There are a lot of ridiculous pull quotes but this one, on the Oscars is naturally my favorite. To mock.

Do you think there is a single theory to everything?
Jaden: There’s definitely a theory to everything.
Will: When you find things that are tried and true for millennia, you can bet that it’s going to happen tomorrow.
Jaden: The sun coming up?
Will: The sun coming up, but even a little more. Like for Best Actor Oscars. Almost 90 percent of the time, it’s mental illness and historical figures, right? So, you can be pretty certain of that if you want to win—as a man; it’s very different for women. The patterns are all over the place, but for whatever reason, it’s really difficult to find the patterns in Best Actress.

It's not 90 percent unless you include physical disabilities in there!!! Will Smith is neither Oscar buff nor actressexual apparently, since he's obviously dreamt of winning Best Actor (but not hard enough to push himself out of his comfort zone - turning down Quentin Tarantino is a sign that you're getting in your own way in this regard) and never given much thought to its distaff counterpart. Which is, if you think of it, totally a no brainer given his filmography. Women in his movies are merely decorative and usually extraneous and apparently, from what I've heard of After Earth, that isn't changing any time soon.

So we should help him with the Best Actress patterns in the comments. I'll start...

• Haven't you ever heard of "de-glamming", Will? That's been a popular winning strategy since Grace Kelly beat Judy Garland in 1954.

• And speaking of...
Doesn't the Fresh Prince know anything about The Princess Factor? Hepburn over Kerr, Kelly over Garland, Matlin over Turner, Foster over Close, Paltrow over Everyone, Roberts over Burstyn, Cotillard over Christie, Portman over Bening, Lawrence over Riva -- the popular 20something to early30s fresh star beauties are always beating their legendary older rivals.

• Historical figures (nowadays this has morphed into "biopic mimicry") aren't just a winning strategy in Best Actor! 

Early Bird Oscar Predix: The "Best Actor" Chart

Guess who goes where?

Everything feels so possible at the start... the only "lockish" thing about this year's Best Actor race is that there is a crazy amount of HAIR happening. Goatees, moustaches, wigs, curls, shags, pomade, dye-jobs, fros... you name it, it's happening! 

THE BEST ACTOR CHART
Tom Hanks, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Matthew McConaughey leading the charge  

Which leading men are you rooting for? (From a distance of course. I hope you all jump ship if the performance doesn't live up to your dreams! The past few years of Oscar races have shown a disturbing amount of stubborn Team Loyalty before the films and performances were seen)

Film Bitch Awards: Best Actor, Best Actress, Medal Ceremony!

I hate to ask anyone to pay attention to this site's own infamous Film Bitch Awards on the same night as the Indie Spirits (we'll discuss very soon) and the day before the Oscars (so late I am!). I'll get hoarse from the look-at-me shouting. But here, finally, is my Best Actress and Best Actor list, the latter of which is remarkably like Oscar's best actor list, with only Bradley Cooper missing the cut... though I think he's the best thing in Silver Linings Playbook and a worthy Oscar nominee. This rarely happens so it's a kind of a special treat for me. Actress, our marquee category each year, is always trickier. I wanted to name seven nominees but even then only two of the Oscar nominees  (Emmanuelle Riva and Jessica Chastain) make the cut. 

These nominations complete this year's traditional category Film Bitch Awards, so while we're at it, start playing those national anthems film scores for the medal ceremony. I've named gold, silver and bronze medalists in (almost) all of the Oscar-mirror categories. It has to be done before the Oscars! The "extras" like Best Scene, Diva of the Year, and Best Cameo and more are still to come but I promise they're already partially written. I realize that that smells of danger for those of you with long memories (what about 2011 for f***'s sake) but I shall prevail and find a third wind next week and try to wrap up before March. I can already feel that 2013 will be kinder to The Film Experience. I'm finding the faith after a difficult year.

But until we get to the 2013 film year, celebrate these great films and performances in the comments. Or, you know, bitch about them with "agree to disagree" tact. 

Link Bowl

AP the inventor of Etch-a-Sketch has died. If I still had one still, i would draw you the saddest frown right now. Unhappy about this!
YouTube "Upside Downton Abbey" via Sesame Street
Playbill interviews Sebastian Stan who has now made a name for himself on all three actors mediums: film, tv, and stage (with Picnic, previously discussed)
BuzzFeed why The Amazing Spider-Man sequel will prove to be a bizarro version of Spider-Man 3 

Comics Alliance this made me lol'an extensive discussion of Batman punching animals'
Salon Richard Kramer remembers his mentor Pauline Kael
/Film Matthew Modine has had his diaries from Full Metal Jacket made into an iPad App. Great idea.
Carpetbagger Wreck-It Ralph scores at the Annie Awards
Empire Johnny Depp might finally play a non cartoon again. He could attend Black Mass, a true story crime drama, with Barry Levinson directing. He's done this genre before to varying but mostly positive results (Public Enemies, Donnie Brasco) 

Awards Daily on the conjoined fall & rise of Zero Dark Thirty and Argo
The New Yorker nominated The Paperboy for future camp classic now that it's on DVD "where it belongs"
Jeremy Helligar on why Joaquin Phoenix should win the Oscar instead of Day Lewis. Love this bit... 

Quell was a mix of standout characteristics of at least three of the characters played by Phoenix's Best Actor Oscar competition, a drunk like Washington's Whip Whitaker, cuckoo like Cooper's Pat Solitano (though hardly recovering) and criminal like Jackman's Jean Valjean (again, hardly reformed). If The Master had been set 100 years earlier, circa 1850, I have no doubt that Freddie would have wanted to free the slaves, too.

Do you have any impossible dream of Daniel's third going to someone else?

Podcast Nom Reactions Pt 2: All Category Run Through

I've had bizarre trouble in getting this last two-part podcast up! I am technologically inept I suppose. I never can explain / figure out what happens when things go wrong but nevertheless here is finally part two of that Post-Nomination discussion. In Pt. 1 Joe, Katey, Nick and I (Nathaniel) discussed the big eight categories and answered reader questions.  

Pt 2:  Animated Feature, What happened to The Impossible?, Best Pictures, Small Pictures and Craft Categories, Best Makeup (and Hairstyling!), Costumes, Best Actor,  is Cinematography the "Supporting Actor" of the craft categories this year?, and lots of praise for Amour.

You can download the podcast on iTunes or listen right here at the end of the post. 

Category Run Through