"To Red Carpets With Love" - Gerwig, Pill, Cruz.

It's the new improved Red Carpet Convos. Faster, snappier, more focused... at least until the Oscars when it's impossible not to feel overwhelmed by gowns and veritably trampled by stilettos. For now, one event or theme at a time, all quick like. Today it's premiere time for Woody Allen. Welcome back Joanna from Pajiba.

Joanna: Okay, let's hit it!

Nathaniel: ‪Today we're going To Rome With Love by way of Los Angeles and New York.‬ 

Woody Allen, Allison Pill, Elena Anaya, Penélope Cruz, Greta Gerwig

Joanna:  ‪Bad fashion from 'round the world!‬

Nathaniel:  ‪Right. I hate to start with such a downer waaah-waaaaah but I almost feel like this LA premiere is actual stills from a Woody Allen movie. He kinda loves the beiges.‬ Since red carpets take place outdoors we'll call this Exteriors. Coming Soon!

Joanna:  ‪Not Alison's Getting Married?‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪Marriage, Pill Style [pill being valiums]‬ 

Joanna:  ‪I love Pill and I think she looks swellegant from the waist up.  But the length is so bridal meets plastic shower curtain from Target.

Nathaniel:  ‪With ballet slippers? ‬I mean where is she going. 

Joanna:  ‪If this were a wedding, then Penélope Cruz would be the super aggressive Mother of The Bride.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪Right. Love the Power Bitch Shellacked Hair though it always reminds me of that time when Laura Linney got all "bad girl" at the Oscars.‬

 Joanna:  ‪Not loving the sparkly boob drape, but it's almost as if Penélope is narrowing her heavily lined eyes at me, daring me to question her "window treatment."  If you know what I mean.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪This red carpet is depressing and it's for a sunny Rome-set comedy. Greta Gerwig will play the role of Pill's Flower (Dress) Girl. Or wait. are those grapes?‬

Joanna:  ‪Rome? Grapes? A theme!‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪To Bacchus With Love‬ 

 Joanna:  ‪I have to say, of all the pieces on this carpet, Elena Anaya's hot pink shoes are my FAVORITE.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪The Shoes She Lives In

Joanna: god I loved that movie.

Nathaniel: ‬Let's change cities like Woody do. (He should direct a James Bond movie since they're always globe hopping) 

Alvy Singer, Gerwig, The Real Mr & Mrs Don Draper, Cruz

Joanna:  ‪What is the delightful secret Woody is keeping? ‬Is it that Greta is expecting? Or that her shoes are secretly the Phantom Of The Opera? 

Nathaniel:  Hee. But that's why we were at a wedding earlier. Shotgun.‬ Woody, Greta, and Penélope are in NYC all of a sudden in this photo so out comes the black (shoes or dress or both)

Joanna:  ‪But Penelope is sticking to the grape theme.‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪Days of Wine and Bardem-Cruzes -- I can't stop with the fake movie titles. Apologies.

poll by twiigs.com

I'd love to get complely drunk with her but I kinda hate this color on her. I'm not sure why. I think maybe it's because she looks so tan lately.‬

Joanna:  ‪What do we think of the Hamm Wesfeldt's? I love her dress and basically everything about her except for her Zellwegerian squint. And he, to me, is stubbly perfection.‬

Nathaniel:  ‪I love them. They strike me as a genuinely awesome happy couple, whether squinting or unshaven. And, not for nothing, I think they'd both be great in a Woody Allen movie. I hope they were handshaking and charming and bantering to sell that.‬

Joanna:  ‪<--- OH GOD GRETA'S WAIST FRINGE‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪I knew I had to hit you with another Greta pic. It's just... what?!?

Joanna:  ‪Her waist looks like it's wearing false eyelashes.‬ The whole thing is just so staggeringly unflattering.  In every conceivable way. 

Nathaniel:  ‪waistlashes. lol. what an image.‬ I'm not sure how to end this Exteriors movie. ‬Gerwig has robbed me of speech.

Joanna:  ‪Then take a tip from Woody and, just, shhhhhhhhhhhh.‬ 

Nathaniel:  ‪[rolling credits with some jaunty 30s tune]‬ 

Previously on Red Carpet Convos...
Cannes dresses (Jose)
Rock of Ages and Prometheus premieres (Joanna & Nathaniel)
Hunger Games premiere (Guy & Nathaniel)

Seven ways that waiting for a new James Bond is exactly like waiting for a new Woody Allen

 

1. You can expect that the locale will change. 

2. You know the title sequence will bring back memories like an old friend or comfort food. 

3. You'll see new faces mixed in with the repertory company.

4. You can place bets on how many and which younger women the protagonist will sleep with. 

Woody Allen as "Jimmy Bond" in Casino Royale (1967)

5. You're forced to admire the longevity because this all started in the 1960s!

6. You've learned to let go of qualitative expectations because it's a crap shoot...

7.          ...Otherwise you know exactly what you're going to get. 

James Bond goes To Rome With Love on June 28th and Woody Allen Skyfalls into Shanghai on November 9th. I got that right, right?

Tues Top Ten: Tennis in the Movies

The world's number one ranked male tennis player turns a quarter century today so in honor of Novak Djokovic why not celebrate with a list of best tennis moments in the movies?

Because... uh...

Are there any? When I first thought of doing this list I was like YES -- little known fact: I played tennis daily one summer in high school and still love the game  -- only to hit a brick wall rather than a low net. You may have heard this complaint before from tennis fans but given the abundance of sports movies of every other stripe it's almost like Hollywood hates the game. Those private tennis courts on celebrity acreage are all going to waste.

I've come up with ten things anyway.

BEST TENNIS SOMETHING OR OTHER IN THE MOVIES

You should know upfront that I've never seen the Chad Lowe boy-in-drag masterpiece Nobody's Perfect (1989) -- no decade ever loved cross-dressing comedies like the 80s -- so I shan't include it. 

10 Wimbledon (2004)
Nobody likes this movie but given the abrupt sharp decline in romantic comedy quality over the past ten years, I bet it'd look pretty good if it came out now. At the very least both Paul Bettany and Kirsten Dunst looked fresh and healthy and sun-kissed as the professional athletes in love.

09 The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
We'll be sure to celebrate this movie's 25th anniversary next month but for now, remember that tennis match? Temperatures are flaring as the three best friends Jane (Susan Sarandon) Sukie (Michelle Pfeiffer) and Alex (Cher) all compete for Devil Jack Nicholson's attention. In a game of doubles things get vindicative and then supernatural.

 

Funny girls and dangerous men after the jump...

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Happy Birthday, Louise Lasser

"I wish you had done this twenty years ago.Now I'll have to get another fucking face-lift!"

JA from MNPP here. Because I'm too young to have seen Mary Hartman Mary Hartman or the Woody Allen movies she starred in (she's brilliant in Bananas) until recently, whenever I think of Louise Lasser my first thoughts are of her scenes in Todd Solondz's masterpiece Happiness (watch the above scene here), and also that time she dyed Ellen Burstyn's hair - "If this is red, I wanna know, what's orange?" - in Requiem For a Dream. What do you think of when you think of Louise Lasser?

Yes, No, Maybe So: "To Rome With Love"

Jose here with a new edition of Yes, No, Maybe So. After the success of the Oscar-winning Midnight in Paris, all eyes were set on Woody Allen's next movie. First the movie caused a tiny outrage because of its "unimaginative" title, later we got a look at an underwhelming poster that had people once more complaining and accusing Woody of "losing his touch".

However, this has become the norm with his work. He's unarguably the most productive artist in moviemaking and people always have very strong reactions towards him and his movies. For all the people who loved Midnight in Paris there were a few who hated it because it wasn't Annie Hall or refused to watch it because they oppose Woody morally.

Here's the first trailer. Help us decide if it's Yes, No or Maybe So...

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